The hazy dusk was thick as soot
and lone, a lady set afoot
on moonlit sands that could not speak;
but if they could, I hardly think
that they would hold their peace.
" Turn back, turn back ", I think they'd cry.
"The day of dread is drawing nigh,
the day of dread has come," they'd cry,
"The day of dread has come."
But even then (I'm sure I know)
her pace would neither still nor slow.
For in the house to which she strides,
her baby waits; her baby lies,
but who is doing otherwise?
The day of dread had come.
And every beast, both foul and fair,
raised up to God an earnest prayer.
" Deliverance " is what they pled
upon that destined day of dread,
that destined day of dread.
Like mercy covering its eye,
the frightened moon was hidden by
a somber cloud - and there before
the pathway of her mother's door
she knocked. And oh, how I abhor
each echo sounding from that door;
the pound of feet upon a floor --
the day of dread had come.
How could she know that she'd unveil
brutality; the gates of hell?
The silhouette inside the frame
was not the same - was not the same,
was not the love she knew by name.
The day of dread had come.
As though creation was dismayed,
the summer winds had died away;
and lone, a lady loathed to find
her mother in a different mind -
a mad, malicious, misanthropic,
(near demonic) state of mind.
The day of dread had come.
A distant hound began to mourn
and then, for sin, for spite, or scorn
her mother lunged and threw her down
and pinned her there upon the ground;
and beat her long and beat her red
upon the destined day of dread,
that destined day of dread.
Within the shadows of the hall
a wide-eyed child watched it all.
The empty cans upon the floor
were just as much (and if not, more)
the criminals; the culprits for
the day of dread.
The hazy dusk was thick as soot
and lone, a lady set afoot
on moonlit sands that could not speak;
but if they could, I hardly think
that they would hold their peace.
Author notes
Published in Tales of the Talisman.
In a list
A contest entry
- ~*~*~*Dark Rhyming Poetry*~*~*~(6 Options) by anguish.
400 points, ended May 18, 2007, 23 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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great!!!
well... no criticism im afraid. this poem is a well written, packed full of emotion gut wrenching read. i hung onto every word, i sat on the edge of my seat. Magnificent write! the rhyming pattern is tremendus and the fear is tangibile. the beat of the poem is almost like a heart beating heaily with fear and 'dread' well done!
obviously 'day of dread' is a magnificent title and i love the repetition at the end of each stanza, it really sets the tone throughout the piece.
my favourite verse
'Within the shadows of the hall
a wide-eyed child watched it all.
The empty cans upon the floor
were just as much (and if not, more)
the criminals; the culprits for
the day of dread.'
the child that sees this beating, poor child. you can picture him/her, in my head i pictured him, standing and watching this awful event and you can almost smell his fear.
again well done, fantastic write which despite the horrific truth in this piece i thouroughly enjoyed. -
The transtition of emotion in this is excellent. The imagery done perfectly to walk you through it and I must say this is a fantastic piece of poetry all in all. Love it.
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Brilliant! Heard Poe's voice from the first line... and I think that for this age, yours reads better! Good luck in the contest. Lita
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A brutal piece with a contrasting lilting rhythm. The repetition of the first stanza brought the entire piece into perspective. It came full circle. The stanza about the moon brought the poem to a new level of tension. I wasn't sure what was going to happen, but I had to find out, I had to keep reading, even as the moon hid her face. The suspense was almost intolerable. Very well written.
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This is a superbly written poem. I look forward to reading more of your work. Very insightful for such a young soul.
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Ok...this is just outstanding poetry...
Everything about this is great...the rhythm, rhyme, flow, story, suspense, ambience, imagery, length, etc. I love your use of repetition (it wasn't annoyingly repetitive) and added so much to the suspense of the story. This would have to be one of THE best poems I have read here on AP, WOW what a talent you have! Gosh, I'd better pull my socks up. lol. I've bookmarked this already as I plan to read it many times more. Thank you for featuring this for all to see and discover...alby
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Very visual
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My first impression was that this poem is very suspenseful, and I felt that all the way through it. Until the stanza where she gets beaten, and then I had kind of... a sinking feeling.
I love the rhymes in this although I generally prefer free-form. But this flows so beautifully, and I'm not surprised at all that it's been published.
A wonderful piece of work, thank you for sharing with us.
~sparrow
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wow!!!!! I love this poem, good job, the ryming is magnificent
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wonderful
i enjoyed your words here, congrats on the gold it definately is worth it, nicely done! thanks for sharing this!
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Well done!
Awesome rhyming within the lines... this piece FLEW, love this most: a mad, malicious, misanthropic,
(near demonic) state of mind. Made me sit back to think... Really great work, looking forward to reading more of you now..it left a lingering impression..
Lilian
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I can see why this won gold. Wonderful poem with lots of imagery and the repetition enhances the piece.
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You brought life to the scenery here like how I would imagine it to be. With the soot, you make this pre-sixties, I guess, going over some woeful reminisce. Some exceptional graphics here.
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This is a wonderful piece. It's easy to see why you won the contest. I look foward to reading more of your work.
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Superb Plus
A very good write, indeed. Imagery; rhythm, and rhyme are just fine. Thanks for sharing this one with us. -
Congratulations on the Golden Chalice!!
I think this is a true masterpiece!! Wow, I don't really know what to say that hasn't already been said by others before me. I am properly impressed. Thank you for sharing your muse's stunning talents with all of us, and keep it flowing, Poet!! Peace always, xx Cyn xx 
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Excellent piece. Rhythmic and dark.
A distant hound began to mourn
and then, for sin, for spite, or scorn
her mother lunged and threw her down
and pinned her there upon the ground;
and beat her long and beat her red
upon the destined day of dread,
that destined day of dread.
Within the shadows of the hall
a wide-eyed child watched it all.
The empty cans upon the floor
were just as much (and if not, more)
the criminals; the culprits for
the day of dread.
Very touching.
Thank you for sharing this with everyone!
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Amazing poem, like everyone said..i am stuck thinking about meaning- are you writing about alcohol? - 'the empty cans on the floor were just as much (and if not, more) the criminals, the culprits for the day of dread' i don't know if it were one of those poems where you could find own meaning, but i have seen first hand the type of demons alcohol can awake in some humans. Anyway, well done. Amazing write and congrats!!
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Outstanding
This is a stunning poem that is rich in alliteration and has amazing flow. I liked the lyrical quality and the way you build layers of meaning with the repetition. I can find little fault with this masterpiece. One of the best poems I have read at this sight.
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What an amazing write!
This is great. Easily sung. A very good thrilling and chilling poem!
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Amazing writes!!!
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Even though dark I could fill a mug of beer and sing this lovely chant!!!! A well crafted and ingeious poem that shows the craftsmanship of a true poet!
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Amazing!
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great job
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Poe-esque, rhyme and properly placed repitition. The first two lines made me think of Jack The Ripper. The suspense is perfection!
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A very restrained and elegant write. You held me right on the edge of the cliff and just a tad short of horror.
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Rich and Haunting. Brilliantly vivid and almost tangible with threat. Use of the first person narrative made it easier to see. Excellent personification of the beach!
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wow this is amazing!! i loved it!!! great job!! keep it up!!!
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I adore the simile about the moon and mercy. It's gorgeous. The flow of this poem is really good. The surprise of opening the door and finding her mother turned beast is well placed. I can feel sympathy for the child and both anger and pity for the drinking mother. I utterly love the repeating stanza. Overall, this is very much like something Poe would write. It's beautiful.
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Oh boy!
Dark as anything Poe wrote and just as good. It gave me chickenskin.
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Great work, I really enjoyed the entire poem, keep up the good work =]
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good take on the prompt . . congrats on the gold !!
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This is a brilliant poem. I love the imagery and the personality you gave it, This is by far the best I've seen in a while! Keep up the great work. -Pammie-
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very well thought and written,ryhmed and flowed well,sound,steve
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wow!!! this is just an incredible write... tis not often i read one so perfectly penned,
hugs,
georgie,
xxx -
very well written, the context of the words is magnificent
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Deep and articulate - a mournful read by an empathetic comrade
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the imagry here is epic, my soul is still cold, i feel like dashing off to church to pray for its salvation, i salute you
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Superb
Wow, quite the dark write; and very well written, indeed. Imagery; rhythm and rhyme are just fine. Thanks for sharing. -
Wow. This is masterful work, the meter, the suspense, rhyme, repetition... it's all so effective, working together to create this true work of art.
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Wow, I like this a lot. I'm not that big on dark or rhyming poetry, but the imagery in this is great, and the repitition is really effective. Great write, thanks for sharing
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I remember reading this before. Very vivid and pure expression, and be your poems dark or not, the classic touches are never absent. I absolutely love the simile in 21-22 (it felt like Shakespeare). And how clever is the switch between past and present tense! instantly creating the feeling that the narrator is actually re-living certain aspects of the story. It's so fluid I didn't notice until about the 5th time reading.
I tried to come up with critical suggestions, in case you are still working on this, but the poem seems advanced so that the only refining suggestions possible are beyond the suggestions of poets like me.
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I think I better start reading the people who beat me in competitions - I remember that contest quite clearly, got silver.
I have to say that I thought the repetition was going to annoy my head off but I'm glad it didn't. Ihave not read good, fluid rhyming poetry in a long while and I'm so happy that I read this - it is simply stunning.
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The first two stanzas are absolute unmitigated genius. I can see why this won gold and why it was published. I am not as sure about the repetition in the third stanza. The repetition in the rest of the poem was fine, in fact, I think it even made the poem better, but the repetition in the third one seems a little much.
It also started to get a little bit confusing towards the end.
But overall I really liked it. I'm glad I read it. Keep up the great work. -
whoever said Poe was right. GREAT writing. Flow is excellent.
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Bold and fearless is this SMART and well written poem!
I just loved those first two lines, you really hooked
us right into the poem! oh my...that was so well written,
and the author's note's just made us shiver to the
realities in the poem. Very well written, thankyou for
the bold courage it took to write this fearless poem!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen/Seattle. : ))
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This is a powerful piece of work. I am left feeling that no matter what words I choose, none will be adequate enough. Since words are all I have...Well Done! Congrats on being published. The rewards are deserved.
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wow
great write i love this poem i like how it rymes.sorry for the spelling. wow. can you look at my poems and tell me what you think.
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Don't really know what to say about this poem. But I will applaud it because you spent points to have it featured. Congratulations on your publication.
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EXCELLENT
Powerfully penned, you carry the reader in with hypnotic meter and occasional rhyme - reminded me of a Poe tale.
*StormSpinner*
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Outstanding (of course)
What is there to say about this? Brilliant. Classic Great Poetry.
-------------
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Damn. DAMN That was awesome. It read like, well, a more psychological Coleridge. You did an amazing job with this. Congratulations not only on your gold trophy, but on your publication as well. Excellent job.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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All through this poem, I was thinking
"I read this before, hell, this sounds so familiar, so bloody familar, where did I read it and if it's on this site then what luck to come across it twice"
Then I look down at that gold trophy and remembered where I read it. I don't know if I commented before - and I can't be arsed.
Wait there ... yes, I did comment. Oh well, very much worth the second read - you're tempting me to join that ap class of yours
NeveR ♥ -
oh wow
thats sad..
my sympathy for you and your sister...
very amazing.. touching peice of work...
makes you feel thankful for what you have
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yeah i like this some really good dark imagery, nice repition to get the point across, and a nice flow to it, yeah good job poet.
congrats on the gold
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As though creation was dismayed,
the summer winds had died away;
and lone, a lady loathed to find
her mother in a different mind -
a mad, malicious, misanthropic,
(near demonic) state of mind.
The day of dread had come.
favorite verse. you did a great job on this! well written and kept me going the whole time! -
Unbelievably well written; very few currently written dark poems I've read move me this much, my friend
~X-Ellent~
Stay Frosty;
J Frosty
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I like how it has it's dark side.
I, too, take to the more darker writings.
It's something that has always caught my eye.
Thanks so much for sharing this piece with the world.
Keep up the wonderful writings.
xx. -
This is amazing, for a Dark piece, plus rhyming. Great job, and good luck in the contest.
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excellent write
amazing imagery. really had a great flow and strong emotion to it, very deep and very heavy, interesting to read. i really liked these lines;
As though creation was dismayed,
the summer winds had died away;
and lone, a lady loathed to find
her mother in a different mind -
a mad, malicious, misanthropic,
(near demonic) state of mind.
The day of dread had come.
A distant hound began to mourn
and then, for sin, for spite, or scorn
her mother lunged and threw her down
and pinned her there upon the ground;
and beat her long and beat her red
upon the destined day of dread,
that destined day of dread.
awesome poem.
thanks for the great read.
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well done. very moving. you created a real vivid image disturbing as well.
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What an amazing poem! Congrats on your win and on the publication. Well-deserved!
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This is outstanding. You have such a beautiful way of words and keep up the penning. It was an eye catcher and I am glad that I read it.
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nicely written, it definitely grabbed my attention from the very beginning and I asbsolutely loved the subject matter, you wrote with such poise and you had some great images interwoven throughout the piece, which added an extremely nice affect when read out loud. this definitely is worthy of being published in prestigious places, keep writing!
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I just can't get enough of it
And everytime I launch my sight,
it struck becomes, and as the night -
recounters all the feelings of a day,
where dreadful notions lie at bay,
in pen's delight..
Worthy worthy worthy..
A matserpiece..
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Wow! You did a wonderful job on this, it's amazing and I love the rhyme scheme.
~~~~GREAT WRITE~~~~ -
Wow this is an excellent poem. i was really into it. you did a great job!!
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Great rhyming poem you have penned here - a wonderful golden winner as well. Liked the repetition of day of dread throughout the lines of the poem, as well as in the title. Super to get this published as well. Isn't that what everyone hopes will happen to their writings?
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Way to knock my socks off.
DAMN. I'm...pretty much speechless here. I think I was actually moving my face closer to the computer screen as I kept reading...this poem was simply so fucking amazing and powerful that I just, well...yeah.
*blink*
How ironic that from the darkest of our life experiences often spring our best pieces of writing...
MORSMORDRE!
- The Dark Lady
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What an intense piece, a brilliant write, some great imagery, and a very interesting theme. I wish you the best of luck in this contest,
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A distant hound began to mourn
and then, for sin, for spite, or scorn
her mother lunged and threw her down
and pinned her there upon the ground;
and beat her long and beat her red
upon the destined day of dread,
Well deserving of the gold trophy I must say
lol, (I had to see who did better than me )
but wow, I can't imagine this happening to another, much less someone I know
Excellent story put in words
Keep it up
NeveR ♥
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I have no words to fully discribe this, good job and good luck. Anguish
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good
that was really touching and freeky at the same time.
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Stunning
This almost left me at a loss for words. I enjoyed evrything about it - you are clearly a very talented writer
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This poem flows so well and you get caught up in it as you read. The rythms works so well and repetition of 'The day fo dread' over and over again is very powerful. Congrats on getting it published it certaingly deserves it.
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i really liek this. the over all flow and sound of the poem is amazing. congrats on getting it published!!
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WOW...I loved it...congradulations on the publication! Sad how things seem to happen as our lives pass on...you will have a better adult hood , for all the trouble you had to endure as a child...that is how it has happened for me...without all of the drama in my life, I thought something was wrong..missing...nothing was missing at all...the drama was just gone...hate drama at home..it should be a place to lay your head and rest...great work..thanks for sharing
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Excellent !!! This feels like a song. Well written if not tragic. Your meter flowed like honey. I read it out loud and not one break in rythem was found. Blessings. Debby
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Beautifully Tragic
You know, it takes a different kind of strength and talent, which very few possess, to beautifully tell about acts realized from the imagination of the devil's heart. Heartache or depression are each one thing, but abuse is different because it takes a different kind of strength to go on in spite of it. I'm sure your sister has enough strength and character to overcome the worst because she's got you. I'm not incredibly religious, but I do believe in God and I do believe that He has reasons for everything, even though I don't know most of them. Anyway, I believe He gave her you. What a beautiful angel.
I apologize if I've repeated anything anyone else already said, but there were over 40 comments already, so I didn't read them before giving my comment.
I can't find a word or combination of words that justly describe the magnificence of this write. So allow me to be pathetic: Good job.
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Well, congratulations on the publication. It is harder to get rhyming poetry published, but your meter is excellent. So, did your sister survive this violent attack?
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this is so wonderful and magnificent. i really enjoyed this poem. great job. i love the flow, i love the words, and the love the power i felt from it. it was so touching, and amazing! i have to say - great poem.
~b*e*e~ -
Hi, yet again I had to come back to this poem, and I still feel the same way it is wonderful, I love the combination of rhyme and non rhyme which I play will as well somethimes, sometimes we must bend the rules and the results can be quite amazing, loved it, Di
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Fabulous!
This is really a touching, chilling, and amazing write. You definately have a way with words dear poet. You captivated me with the first stanza and kept me on the edge of my chair and left me with a sorrowful frown. Great flow and excellent word choices.
My favorite part was this:
And every beast, both foul and fair,
raised up to God an earnest prayer.
"Deliverance" is what they pled
upon that destined day of dread.
Congratulations on the soon coming publication. It is well deserved.
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i love true writes and this is well written. but it is also very sad. not expected. and you are brave to write of this as well. so for that i applaud you my fellow poet!
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scary stuff!
very well done suspenseful and the reader has to reach for little to be swept along in this macabre little tale of miscreation...very well done...PK
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Well Done!!!!!
Wow!! Though this is very sad and true it is a very vivid and emotional write!! No wonder it is to be published!! Congrats on that!! I see the wonderful talent here!! Thank you very much for sharing this personal story!
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AMAZING!
Although tis sad this is a true story, you captured the feeling and held it throughout, a very hard feet for a long piece. It is very very very well written, the rhyme scheme is easy to find, easy to follow, and gives the poem a story like feel. Thats what this poem reminds me of, a story maybe.
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Okay, I know I have left two other messages, at least about this poem. But I still think it is the best poem I have ever read!! The powerful lines, repetition, vivid imagery created, are just amazing.
Reading this outloud is the best, Poe's " the raven" use to be my favorite, this is beyond that for me.
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The first few lines start really strong with imagery. Good word choice. I like the image that comes to mind with the line 'the hazy dusk was thick as soot'... :-D
I'm glad that you repeated the first stanza. It seems like a really nice wrap up to the poem. Good job on the poem!
I also love the lines 'the frightened moon was hidden by/ a somber cloud...' I don't know whether I would put a semicolon between brutality and thebut that's just me and I'm weird like that... ignore that. I like the repeating of the 'm' in the line that starts off 'a mad, ma...'
I'm glad it was published. Congrats and good poem.
~Amaya -
FANASTIC!
wonderfully WONDERFULLY written!!!! it was so easy to read, it was smooth and came together beautifully.
you are a very talented poet. that much is obvious. it gave me chills i will admitt but i really did enjoy reading it.
keep the great writes coming. i look forward to reading more from you in the future.
please give yourself a pat on the back. you definately deserve it. you should be very proud lol.
sorry i am totally babbling now lol
if i had enough points i would give you three applauds but i am sorry to say i only have enough points left for one
cheers
til
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a different kind of read for me. I enjoyed it very much. thanks for sharing. keep up the great work. peace always.
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wow. this is an amazing poem. i wish i could write like u
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I like you meter-8 syllables each line. It flows well and a horrific story about the mom and her sister. Mommy Dearest is a name to dread. Congratulatiion on your publication. Where do you go to college?
BHolzner
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And the applause...
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wow, this is brilliant- and definitely deserves a wide audience. You really make everyone (well atleast me), wish they had your talent and skill- everyone should be able to express themselves so effortlessly, and beautifully. I never figured out how you do it, but it is amazing As if you need a lousy poet like me to tell you that, haha. I am really glad you are considering adding an era class to this site- it will be amazing. I'll be first in line to sign up! Good luck with your college courses, and the rest of your life!
I just read that this is about your sister. What- how powerfully you have conveyed her story, and so many who go through the same emotions, and feelings of dread. You didn't say explicitely what she went through, but that is what adds to the power of the poem. I can see why it's being published- it reaches into the deepest fears of every paerson on earth - some of whom have had to actually live days of dread all their lives. Excellently written. -
Great
Dude. Thought it was awsome. I could never ever hope to be that good. Ever though my poems rock.
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Dang, no wonder it was published. This was great.. just awesome. This was rhyme at its best. I liked the fast pace.. really kept me going.
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I can see why
There's an unknown talent here, unspoken by the normal pen.
This was a very very touching write.
I find it worth respect that you have sat on this and wrote such a lengthly epic of a day of dread, with all its dark somber clouds and distant curses.
A day of dread is not just an outer day,
it's a feeling that arises in a personal (air)..
denouncing a threat...unleashing a warning..
Very well played.
Be well,
RD. -
wow
I have commented on this poem before. But I had it under my favorites on my computer and when I clicked on it today, I was told that claide was moved. My heart actually skipped a beat at the idea of losing this poem. I am so glad I found it. I still say what I did before, that this is the BEST BEST BEST poem I have ever read. I love reading it aloud, for it rings and flows with a force and power that is uncomparable. Your talent is beyond comprehension. I am so glad that it is being published. It should be, over and over and over.
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