It's such a horrid taste,
The sadness of humanity;
Like salt in caramel encased,
It's such a horrid taste.
It's like chocolate that's laced
With the rotting flesh of our vanity.
It's such a horrid taste,
The sadness of humanity.
It's a such clashing tune,
The music of a broken heart;
Like a scream with laughter strewn,
It's such a clashing tune.
It's like our world we festoon
With the lyrics to pull apart.
It's such a clashing tune,
The music of a broken heart.
It's such a nasty smell,
The stench of a spirit abused;
Like a whore in a cheep motel,
It's such a nasty smell.
It's the postmark of a world unwell,
With vain airs that won't be diffused.
It's such a nasty smell,
The stench of a spirit abused.
It's such a grating feeling,
The calloused skin of a black soul;
Like badly burnt skin peeling
It's such a grating feeling.
It's like sand paper to your skin revealing,
All the wounds that none can console.
It's such a grating feeling,
The calloused skin of a black soul.
It's such a tormenting sight,
The cruelty of a jaded society;
Like the torture of those too small to fight,
It's such a tormenting sight.
It's that in violence our world does delight,
And how we persecute variety.
It's such a tormenting sight,
The cruelty of a jaded society.
Author notes
Image By: KillTheEgo at deviantart.com
This is my first triolet chain and I thought that because it's less of a rant and more of a lament it would be okay; if not that's cool too.
In a list
A contest entry
- Tired of Free Verse Preachers by Ontarah.
600 points, ended February 16, 2007, 26 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write A Triolet by 2lullabyhaven.
540 points, ended August 15, 2007, 19 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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This is very good, truthful to a fault. lol
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Thank you for entering this into my contest. lol
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I found this a delight to read, your concept was beautiful and certainly something I have not seen before. You used punctuation, grammar, and capitalisation correctly and I don't think there is anything with the poem itself that I can give a bad comment on.
However, that being said, you did not ask me before entering this, and it is rhyme. My first rule was to ask me first before entering any rhyming poetry and you did not do that.
The sad thing is, if you had simply asked me first I would have nothing at all bad to say about this.
Even through this cannot stay in the contest due to my first rule being broken I would like to say that you write rhyme exceptionally well and I wish you all the best, you have a lot of talent. -
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Oops....Sorry.
Oh, I'm sorry. I completely forgot that it rhymed because when I re-read it I zeroed in on the repition. I wrote this a while back and haven't written one since so I just forgot about the rhyming. I'm sorry about that and I thank you for your kind words. I have a few more writes about society so maybe I'll enter a different one. But, I promise I'll stay on top of the rhyming this time. Thank you once again and good luck in your contest. Lady Lilly
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I like your idea of stepping through the 5 senses. Very clever. And you use some excellent analogy. In particular I liked "Like salt in caramel encased" and
"Like a scream with laughter strewn" You also make good use of the triolet form which can be challenging. The poem does deviate a bit from the traditional iambic tetrameter, but overall it doesn't impact the quality greatly. A few lines could be tweaked to improve flow but beyond that you've written a luadable poem. Thanks for entering and good luck. -
Well thanks for entering this, I really enjoyed it very much, interesting indeed good luck
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this reminds me of why solitude isnt so bad sometimes
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