I write in red because
I can't see the blood but
I know it's there
I know it's there
falling down in little droplets
to splash at my
feet
and if I could just get it to the
surface
if I could just
see
it
I know it would be better.
I know it would be better.
So I scratch at the paper
with my pen
with my hands
with my teeth
and with my tongue
because someone's got to see
someone's got to know
god- i've got to see
how deep is this fucking hole?
And if I can't see the blood
maybe I can't see the wound
and if I can't see the wound
maybe the wound was never there
and if the wound was never there-
The paper sticks to my tongue
but the drops won't come
the droplets won't come.
And so it won't be better-
this red ink wrongly called
savior.
this wound
a hole
that
gapes.
Author notes
Ok- so this isn't my normal style, obviously. But that's because I wasn't in my normal mood. Anyway, the original version of this didn't include the two stanzas following the lines:
"with my teeth
and with my tongue"
they were added as an after thought- any opinions as to whether or not they should have been?
Written September 27th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I'm not quite sure what words to use to describe this... strong. Definitely strong, and vivid. Don't get me wrong, I mean this in a good way. I liked this poem, even if it was a little off normal. I agree with suthrnbell... it's good to go out of the box now and then. And I think you've done a good job in doing so!
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Nicely done! 'someone's got to know
god- i've got to see
how deep is this fucking hole?' really got me into the poem. You have true talent! -
indeed.
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Oh- well I added two STANZAS not lines- but if you can't tell, I suppose that's a good thing.
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well the two lines you added fit in well, i didn't notice anything out of place about them.
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:)
you know i am not big on dissecting someones work. i see it as a capture, at that moment of conception. so i tend to see it for its strength. a strong capture at the start, and unwinds thru the piece.
strong -
I Definatly enjoyed it. And the two after thought stanzas were probably my favorite. Really good Write, Really good Piece. Brava.
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Not sure about the tongue. Teeth, ok. Tongue, not so much. But I like the poem. It was intriguing trying to figure out where your mind was when you wrote this. It's ok to step out of your box and you did good on your first try.
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