every goose bump
was coaxed
into existence
as I dove in naked,
down
to the waiting boulevard
of you
and I
Author notes
Picture courtesy Deviant Art
Written September 27th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Allpoetry Book Project #2! by tinuelena.
800 points, ended June 20, 2007, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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"every goose bump
was coaxed
into existence"
I love this - an excellent poem, congrats to you!
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Yes. Thank you.
Elizabeth -
I'm so happy you were recognized for this, I thought it was wonderful...
al -
wow.. gorgeous. I have seen a lot of amazing poems from you now. May I put you on my favourites?
jess
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you know i love short, concise poetry- but it has to be packed with energy and personality to really hit its mark- this one does it in spades- this is strong and powerfully enchanting- it opens the world up with so few words- i just love this piece- very happy to have it here in the contest.
m -
some dream, parading down the street in your all together. my, my, my
Of course it is not to bad when it is with someone else, at least you are not alone.
Three phases to this poem. Creating the goose bumps. So this is about wanting to be in love. Wanting the whole package. Diving in naked -- passion, abandon, wanting to be free of all restraints. this and phase one is really about you taking full advantage of an opportunity to really do what you want. Underline you. The last phase is all reward. You get to share and adventure, follow a path with someone. The use of the word boulevard makes this a parade and almost see what I got celebration, least in my mind. This last phase isn't just about sharing the world with someone, it is about reaping your reward and getting full acknowledgement.
The phrasing tight, the use of images shows a real awareness of the charge that people place in goose bumps, not just naked -- but getting naked, and going down, not just a street, but a boulevard. You have managed to create a sense of tension, catharthis and reward in a short poem. Very, very, good. Love, Tom B. -
I keep reading "in the waiting down" and I am not sure what is means to me. this is the heart of the poem and I hate being obtuse when it comes to recognizing the meaning and import of a phrase. But, I will admit that in the face of this, I am clueless. I won't try to hide the fact or hold you responsible for me inablity to relate or create meaning from this phrase. I just don't get it. Sorry. (wish there was an emoticon for an abashed shrug) Sorry. Love,Tom B.
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lovely, and amazing. powerful in it's brevity.
go with God,
Valerie -
Dear Rohina,you have met the criteria for this contest very well indeed.This is very descriptive of a moment of impact,I felt "waiting down" may have been an allusion to both the intimacy and the brevity of the emotion.There is a skill in being able to portray so much in so few words and you have that skill.Magnificent!Love and light,Yvette
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Good
Brevity is the soul of wit, Rick -
Wonderfully intense, I love the short, sweet, straight to the point feeling this piece gave me. Very good write
Karen -
amazing
`this was short but sweet... i loved it... so intense.. very deep... keep it up..the picture added to this peice so much ..great write
Krissy -
Thats very sexy. It reminded me of a vaguely erotic poem, but it was covered up in gentle words and a passionate poem. Good job.
Icy
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I felt with this picture and poem is she gave it her all into the depths of love and it was like legal rape he got what he wanted and walked away . The clasped hand and hidden face from view for the falling out of love can be as deep as falling in love . Only falling out you do it all alone.
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very short but packed full of powerful emotions great job all the way around...Good Luck in this contest....
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LOVE IT!!
-BxBxBx -
great write!
simple yet speaks volumes. -
Oh dear! If only the word boulevard didn't jar. Soft, sensual then ....pavement?
How about...
as I dove in naked,
into the waiting down
of you
and I
just some thoughts,
df -
Minimalist. Felt. Dug. Wasted. Four bonus. Points. To be cleverly.
Complimenting. -
Sometimes the shortest things say the most. This is the perfect example of that. A lovely write, my dear.
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I love how much you were able to say with so few words. Well done.
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I definitely wasn't expecting all of the stuff between the first line and the ending statement. All in all, very enjoyable. Thought provoking, Imaginative, and I loved your creative imagery. Your carefully chosen words painted a picture as I read your poetic work of art. Well, done and thank you for sharing. Keep up the great work. Best of wishes to you. good luck
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double edged
short but impeccable imagery. like they dove headon into love with no fear.or could they have dove headon into death? i took as a either or situation love or death -
wow thats amazing,
just wow,
beautiful work
<3
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