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Satan Now Seems Kind





Satan Now Seems Kind


Begging, thrashing, pleading ... to no avail
the sound of a drill getting closer still
Screaming, crying, my yelling for help
drew no more attention than a whispered yelp

Intense fear consumes the soul within
waiting anxiously for the torture to begin
first a knee cap and a pause for his evil laugh
then spikes hammered in the opposing calf

overwhelming pain encompasses the mind
Satan at his worst would now seem kind
what's that noise, yet another power tool
Oh no! ... a chain saw in the hands of this fool

Kill me now, I can't take this suffering
wake me from this nightmare that has no buffering
His intentions are clear, he wishes to kill me slow
the chainsaw nears...no, not my arms....nooooooo

Now I lay here with tourniquets on my arms and legs
listneing to his vicious laughs as I helplessly plead and beg
Sharpening his knife, one grinding stroke at a time
He smiles, the sounds of my terror... his nursery rhyme.

I wanted to live life to the fullest before this day
now I only wish for a rapid demise to come my way
slit my throat quickly, I scream, "give me death"
He smiles, as I bleed profusely, taking my last breath.



Author notes

option 7 ( torture)
Written September 26th, 2006

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 23 of 23

  • Lj-
    February 17, 2007

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    Very vivid and hellish. Gruesome.

    Reminds me of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, lol.



    Thank you for your entry,
    Best of luck!





  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    February 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Love the background, really beautiful... The poem is wonderfully written. Rhyme scheme is brilliant, the topic is top on... I would feel the same... I can't really say much else except this is a brilliant write, and you captured torture at it's worst in a brilliant way.


  • wingsofgold25 silver member
    December 2, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    *WOW*

    Again " WOW " this is realy good just draws you right in to it. Realy Dark and so Sad and Scarry.
    Thanks for your entry and Good Luck


  • tears.of.silence
    October 9, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Begging, thrashing, pleading ... to no avail
    the sound of a drill getting closer still
    Screaming, crying, my yelling for help
    drew no more attention than a whispered yelp~beautiful words here. Excellent choices.~

    waiting anxiously for the torture to begin
    first a knee cap and a pause for his evil laugh~Interesting part of a turn in your poem. Very interesting indeed~

    overwhelming pain encompasses the mind
    Satan at his worst would now seem kind
    what's that noise, yet another power tool
    Oh no! ... a chain saw in the hands of this fool~Wow. Now I know how this statement (satan now seems kind) comes into play with your poem. Wow.

    I wanted to live life to the fullest before this day
    now I only wish for a rapid demise to come my way
    slit my throat quickly, I scream, "give me death"
    He smiles, as I bleed profusely, taking my last breath.    ~I love the ending. I know that sounds morbid, but it ended perfectly.~*

    I want to thank you for entering into the contest and I really enjoyed reading your work. I want to let you know it was a very hard decision, but you did not make it to ROUND 3. Kahy


  • Cyber Artist Moderators member
    October 9, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    well done not sure it captures the photo but nice write...


  • Sacred Ground
    October 9, 2006
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    awesome write, though I have to say that your mind is not a neighborhood that I would wish to walk through alone! I felt as if old satan were torturing my soul. Great Job!
    LisaMarie


  • Sabrinasgarden
    October 9, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Your combination of apt wording as well as the rhyme scheme ensures that the reader is drwn into the overall 'bloody' and gory experience. Good Luck and great write-prewrite or not


  • Spiritual Poet gold member
    October 9, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I generally dont like this genre of poetry but since I clicked on it I will comment. It is very intense and emotional drawing you into a horrible scene that I wont forget very quickly. I can feel the pain and helplessness of the victim as I read this. The sad thing is I know this sort of thing has happened for real many times. You did a good job of describing a very horrible scene.


  • nichtmich silver member
    October 9, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Dark & Beautiful

    This is intense and as suspenseful as an Alfred Hitchcock movie. The torture seems to go on painfully forever. One minor thing, in the third stanza, second line ~ Satan at his worse would now seem kind ~ worse needs to be worst, I believe. Like I said, very minor ~ just threw me for a second. This is a wonderfully descriptive piece and fits the picture to a T. I'm glad you followed your heart. Best wishes in the competition, I can see why you made it easily to Round II.


  • White Witch
    September 30, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    After having read this, I know mine doesnt have a hope. I cannot describe how this made me feel.

    Well written, and I'm not gonna say good luck, because I think you've got this one in the bag.


  • notthere
    September 27, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    wow... i mean.... wow.... when you said you didnt normally write this kind of stuff I thought you meant you COULDNT write dark.... but let me tell you... you can..... this is an amazing poem and is exactly what I was going for!!!

    -Lisa


  • NickN
    September 27, 2006
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    This is completely awesome! Wicked cool. Being a deranged person myself, I can honestly say that this poem is worth a gold. Good luck in the contest.

    -Nick


  • The Poetic Angel
    September 27, 2006
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    hi suzi ..nice poem i got goosebumps reading it good luck in contest...smiles ~cheeky~


  • Words Die On Lips
    September 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Suzi, if i didn't know any better, I'd have sworn you had just finished watching HOSTEL before you wrote this...

    Damn good write... made me kinda queasy... which is a good thing cause this was for a horror contest, and I have a tanker for a stomach.

    Your work never ceases to amaze me, even when it is in a style or genre that you normally do not write. You never seem to have a problem with stepping outside of your "norm".

    Great showing for your first horror attempt... next stop, killing stephen king!


  • Abrielle
    September 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I really wasn't expecting this!?! lol. Very, very good first attempt at horror, although i would certainly agree with an earlier comment, it does have a slightly fun edge to it, i think it's the rhyme scheme...not sure though...... although the fun edge does provide a very nice contrast to the content....
    all the best,
    fay


  • SomeoneNobodyLikes
    September 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    oh nice words and rhyming!
    very wicked indeed!
    thanks for sharing this, and good luck in the contest!
    take care,
    ♥
    ~SomeoneNobodyLikes

  • gaerielle
    September 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Serene

    Hmm pretty interesting. Constructively i love the way you pen your oppression. I give hugs and kisses on the cheeks.. and prayers.. This line:
    Satan at his worse would now seem kind
    what's that noise, yet another power tool
    As you may know, i am not a firm believer in demonic forces per se.. they have their own world in another realm and we are in another totally incompatible.. i don't believe in cultural exchanges either.. i think if you leave it alone, it will leave you alone as simple as that.. uninvited guests never stay.. if another entity wants to take control of you, what do you do? they can't take control of you either. They might be real but who says you have to agree with them and submit.. Growing up in traditional religions, i find overwhelming the stuff they condition your brain with and they expect you to be sane and functioning.. We are all born and created free.. truly i cannot see how you become powerless because some learning process turned out as a ghost movie.. Spiritual growth is unlimited not in unmanageable fear.. God is not a god of fear.. He doesn't want you as a serene Father that you live in struggle and panic all your life. Does not make sense!! You choose what your mind will be controlled with and the Good News is you can choose to undo it too! Simple as that.. Humanity always in an evolutionary process of balance. From an angel - Peace and Love! God Bless! (xx)

    Edited on Sep 26, 4:18 p.m. because ''.

  • Susan E. Pennycuff
    September 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I do agree with your comment about puppies yelp and that was the one line I stumbled with as I reread this after writing it. I have changed not only that line but the one before it so that it now reads....
    Screaming, crying, my yelling for help
    drew no more attention than a whispered yelp

    please let me know if this works better as it still feels something is wrong, I just can't put my finger on it.

    thanks for your help hun, Suzi


  • TheFlawedOne
    September 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I too thought it was a trip to the dentist. But then I thought of something else that happened to me a while back where I was beaten and stabbed in the eye with an ice pick. I almost didn't make it. This is what the poem reminds me of.

    I can feel abuse in almost {if not every single thing} I read from you. I realize this was meant to be a horror poem, but I still felt the abuse. I dont' know if it's because you're writing like that or if all my own past abuse is coming out since I'm once again in therapy. Could be both I would say.

    Whatever the cause your poetry always seems to touch me in places I didn't expect it to. I enjoy everything you write.

    ~PointLess~


  • Stumbled Into God
    September 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Wow! really good for your first go theres one thing that i can say you might need to work on but its pretty minor so no worries! just this line "then a puppies yelp" it doesnt make sense, you could change it to then a puppy yelps or then puppies yelp. but as i said minor! . The last line on the second last stanza is my favourite, great line! Another thing am not sure about but i think am just being picky so ignore me if you want lol but the line with "tourniquets" in it i donno if would work as who would put them on but then i supose satan to make you suffer longer.. yeah sorry just realised anyways Great first write! if you write another horror id def read it. Keep it up xXJacquiXx


  • JohnWaynePalsy
    September 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    much fun

    that was actually pretty cool.at first i was thinking it was going to be about a trip to the dentist.theres something very fun in this though i cant quite put my finger on it.something light hearted feeling in here that makes it very cute and fun to read.maybe thats just me.but it is pretty cool in its torture stuff and kinda reminded me of the movie SAW.i liked it


  • duana
    September 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    hm, I don't know if this is good or bad. I don't have any criteria to judge it by. I can say it is interesting. I wish that people will give you the objective feedback you are looking for. I could never tell from my comments if my poetry was good or bad- but then again, I am not really a poet- just a person who needed a way to express herself, and wrote down whatever was in my hearts in lines instead of in explanatory paragraph form. Though, once in awhile I did try actual 'form' poetry.


  • suthrnbell84
    September 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    It was a good poem, but definetly, um, scary. Where in the world do ya'll come up with these ideas? I feel like running and hiding.

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