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The garden gnome party

The invitations had all been sent out

All the garden gnomes were ready to play,

The party was to be in my flower garden

On the twenty second day of May.

The decorations were hanging happily on my sunflowers

Christmas lights strung from a purple Hollyhock,

The caterer and the photographer arrived

Right on time, according to the ticking clock.

The garden gnomes appeared from every bush and yard

The guest of honor was the garden gnome from the tv,

The party grew larger in a New York second

So they added another gnome sized port-a-potty.

They sang, danced, and drank under the full moon in the sky

Food that was fit for a gnome king,

The DJ played the song Short People

As the gnomes jumped rope with a string.

Soon the garden party was a dyin down

The gnomes had to return to their place,

My little gnome rode home on a big ladybug

Green pants, curly toed shoes, and a happy party face!

Author notes

A CHALLENGE THAT I POSTED ON ANOTHER POETRY SITE.
Written September 25th, 2006
I chose option #3.

A contest entry

What did you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 30 of 30

  • Clovis...Curious silver member
    February 27

    Edit | Reply

    Superb Plus

    A very fine write, indeed. I liked the way in which you expressed your thoughts. Also, this reminded me of an old Ricky Nelson song: "Garden Party".
    Here's a couple of links for those who may not have heard of it:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garden_Party_(Rick_Nelson_song)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_exY9ptMbA


  • Barry Hodges
    July 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I have noticed that garden gnomes often move in the night and can do things in the bushes if not kept nailed down to the grass.


  • DeGraw
    July 2, 2008

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    Wow!

    Just fantastic! Love it! Great fairy tale and wonderful rhyme and imagery. Lotsa fun.
    Thanks for sharing,
    Jennifer


  • GlassSlippers
    July 2, 2008

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    And why wasn't my gnome invited? Chip (his paint isn't exactly perfect) is a good and kindhearted gnome and stands on the porch sweetly night and day, and no one even sent an invitation! How thoughtless! Won't he be depressed when he hears...

    I think my favorite thing about this write is the DJ playing "Short People" hee hee hee! -Glass


  • twinkling of an eye
    September 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very cute and funny write. I love the idea and the way you presented it. However, like Epistomolus, I think it would really benefit from some ryhthmic adjustments. It has a lot of potential! Thanks for entering ym contest and good luck!


  • bloved
    July 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    hahhahah this was great....thanks for entering!


  • Lie 2 Me Once Again
    June 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Great write thanks for entering


  • Griswold gold member
    June 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    very cute... Next party though, call me, I'm a DJ and will do it for half what the other guy did it for!!...


  • Epistomolus silver member
    June 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like this poem. The imagery is fun. I like the updated take - the party is in your garden, now, not some pretend fairy time of long ago (well, Short People is rather 80s, but I would imagine it sort of became the garden gnomes' anthem). Not technically zoo creatures (quite the opposite), but what the hey... ;-)

    The rhyme is fine. The meter is herky-jerky. It fits the theme of a wild, raucous party, with lots of things happening all at once, so I can't say it's inappropriate for the poem. I think it would flow more smoothly, though, with a little more care taken to move the story from line to line. Some minor tweaks to the first few lines to show what I mean. First, I'll pick up the rhythm of the first line:

    The invitations had all been sent out
    The garden gnomes were all ready to play.
    My flower garden was blooming and bright
    They held the fete on the second day of May.

    That gives us the rhythm
    ta-tump ta-tump-ta tuh tuh tuh tuh tump

    Perhaps a little too martial, but it will do for an example.

    The lines that are most troubling to me are the longer ones that interrupt the flow.

    "The decorations were hanging happily on my sunflowers "
    and
    "They sang, danced, and drank under the full moon in the sky "

    Now, that's great imagery, and I don't want to lose it, but the extra length and the spondees (full moon, my sunflowers) break the flow. Fixing the meter becomes a little difficult when you want a word like hollyhock at the end of the line - it would take little rewrite:

    The decorations, bright sunflower stars,
    And Christmas lanterns on hollyhock sticks
    The waiters, caterers finally arrived
    And paparazzi were snapping some pics.

    That's just off the top of my head (sorry, I'm out of time).

    I'm not suggesting that you rework this poem - you've had it around for a while, it's delightful, it's won awards. As you're working on new poems, though, you might spend some extra energy on controlling the flow so that the images flow into the reader's brain unimpeded. If I have to start a line over to get the rhythm right, I'm focusing on the words and not the pictures. Ideally, your reader will get to the end of the poem before they decide whether they want to read it or not. ;-)

    Thank you for entering the contest!

  • Meggh LotusMay
    May 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Aw this is so sweet, and perfect for my contest. I like the imagery, and the little gnome atmosphere you've created. Keep writing, Meggh xxxxxxxxxxxx


  • BittersweetPhantasm
    May 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i'm sorry but i asked for you not to use the name of your creature within your poem. if you want to edit it and re-enter you can but for now i'm going to have to D'Q you. I'm sorry.

  • Tablet Of Essence
    May 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I would like to thank you so much for posting it in my contest.and we are always and Forever;
    Etching Letters into art.


  • Zephyr Aryn
    April 30, 2007

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    I just had to ask...how does this pertain to my contest? If it was an elf throwing a party for the garden gnomes, please tell me what breed it was. (You don't have a breed in your author's comment box...)


  • Dark Whispers
    March 26, 2007
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    Such a strange poem i don't even know what to say.


  • Elvenfairy
    February 22, 2007

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    this was great. It really made me smile. Thanks for writing about your own type of gnome, I really enjoied this poem!

  • disparate
    February 5, 2007

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    This made me smile, the very idea of gnomes partying. All the images you used, it was easy to visualize this scene, bring it to life inside my head. I find rhyming difficult, and to see it done so well.. This was an interesting piece, I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for taking the time to enter, best of luck.


  • LittleAnn
    December 4, 2006
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    How cute! I enjoyed this a lot, a very lovely and funny children's poem, thank you for entering my contest!
    Keep up the great work and lots of luck to you in my contest!
    *+~Annie~+*


  • Poetdontknowit
    September 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    WHY THANK YOU! I DO LOVE TO WRITE A BIT WHIMSICAL. MY KIDS AND GRANDAUGHTER LOVE IT! I SO APPRECIATE YOUR INPUT!
    ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]POETDONTKNOWIT=======


  • dark desire
    September 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    this is too cute!!!! you really did a awsome job at the imagery! I couldnt help buy smile and giggle at the cute humor that you incorrperated. Awsome job!


  • Poetdontknowit
    September 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I AM REALLY GLAD THAT YOU LIKE MY WORK!
    ''''''''''''''''''''POETDONTKNOWIT]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]


  • Poetdontknowit
    September 25, 2006
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    THANX SO VERY MUCH FOR YOUR INPUT. I TRULY APPRECIATE IT!
    |\||||\||POETDONTKNOWIT\||||||||||


  • Norman Crabtree
    September 25, 2006
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    what a beautiful little poem this was, it was a great delve into your imagination to think of a gnome socialite party! good stuff.


  • ThaliaLaughed
    September 25, 2006
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    Adorable

    Too adorable. I love the ending--makes me wish I had a niece or nephew to read it to. lol, very nice. :-)


  • Poetdontknowit
    September 25, 2006
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    Thanx so much Karen for your delightful review! I LOVE IT!
    ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]POETDONTKNOWIT[[[[[[[[[[[[[[


  • Karen Layne
    September 25, 2006
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    That's so cute...a delightful bit of whimsy. Thanks for posting this

  • Poetdontknowit
    September 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    WHY THANX SO VERY MUCH! I'M HONORED THAT YOU LIKE IT, AND SHALL SHOW IT TO YOUR SON! THANK YOU!
    '''''''''''''''''''''POETDONTKNOWIT////////////////


  • TheFlawedOne
    September 25, 2006
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    This is so cute, I really felt like I was watching the party. I will read this to my son when he gets home. Or he could just read it himself. LOL Great job on this, beautiful.
    ~PointLess~


  • Poetdontknowit
    September 25, 2006
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    I THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH FOR ENJOYING MY POEM. I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!


  • Abdul T Alishtari
    September 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is an absolutely lovely poem.


  • Kari gold member
    September 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    good

    This was a delight to read. Thanks for sharing it with us.I might remember this when I see green pants next

    Kari

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