Bride
Bride wearing a white dress laced
sewed with love hopes,promises of longing silk
her long black hair combed
adorned with white jasmines
her palms--feet decorated with black henna
such essence fills air
drums
& chanting
everywhere
on a cloudy grey night
b25's roar
raping serene sky in slivers
by moon shot
the white dress
bleeds
stains
black dots
of lies ,deceit
deface her dress
she bleeds
a bride raped
her bridegroom struck
by a snake
called
freedom
virgin bride
stepped upon
by drunken soldiers
wedded to death
one sad March day
the The 20th
------------------------------------------------------------------------------ All rights reserved, © Mona. Copying without permission for non-personal use is forbidden.
Author notes
read critacly
Written April 24th, 2003
A contest entry
- Why are people cruel? by Sprite.
250 points, ended June 11, 2003, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This is a wonderful piece, full of so much emotion. The only issue I found was the last line
"the The 20th"
Should only have one "the".
Other then that, this piece was very well written. Thanks for sharing it with us -
Well,
I think the poem has feeling and to me thats what matters the most.
I like the idea of culture also being sewn into the poem.
Well written.
Malzy -
I can feel the poem. Successul printing of feelings to words.
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I really liked this one, It is sad, gripping in places, and describes quite well the terrible things it is written about.
Good work here Mona keep writing. This is very raw and piercing. -
Thanks for being so accepting of suggestions. There are a number of phrases that I like here: serene sky in slivers, soldiers wedded to death, and a dress 'sewn with love hopes'. Keep writing.
Sincerely, Joyce -
Why march? that is what i am wondering? very good though
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Thanks Timothy
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Just stopped by to read your entry, a good piece here, thanks for sharing and keep up the good works!
-Timothy -
Thanks sprite i edited again
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I love the idea of the poem. I think you do need to organize the form of the poem a little bit though. It is a little too drawn out. Also, I would love it if you fleshed out a couple of the images a little. Please consider editing. I think this has the potential to be truly terrific!
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