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Shame. Fear. Us. Other?

They tell me we're not meant to be,
a hollow, broken society. They force you into false pretence,
and hide from you what you know makes sense.
They'll lie about what's right, what's wrong,
making it up as they go along. In the world and in our lives,
what we feel is what is right. For I don't believe my heart is lying
to me when it tells me you're the only one for me.
So fuck their ideals and fuck their beliefs if we go to Hell then at least
we'll be free and we'll be together for eternity.


***


I can tell you are scared well I am too, it isn't an easy thing to do.
The label is damning and causes you pain
but you don't have to fear or revel in shame.
So lets both stop playing this pointless game,
take off our masks, we are not to blame.
Those three words I could say 'till I die
but until you heed them I'm wasting my time.
Fuck their wide stares and their whispers so cruel,
lets walk hand in hand and smile at the fools.
In the here and the now, in the time we have left, lay here with me...
or drown in regret...

Author notes


Written September 24th, 2006

A contest entry

What did you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 57 of 57
  • The end of the first stanza is almost like a rant, like you're hammering on the whole 'fuck that'-attitude. I can respect that. Again, I think you've written a very honest poem, with a great flow and imagery that's perfect for the situation.

    I liked the second part best, but I have no idea why that is.

  • Fading.Heart
    February 14
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering this contest

  • ultimate beluga
    February 7
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    wow this is an amazing write. the flow and rhyme was perfect, it would make great lyrics. but as well as the technical goodness, this was a really strong and powerful write and really really beautiful! you have much talent and a great attitude to love!
    love it!


  • Jane24by7
    October 13, 2007

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    I love it... this poem makes so much sense. And i love the attitude of the narrator, like, being able to face the world without shying away. i like that a lot.

  • Silence of Finality
    June 20, 2007

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    Brilliant

    This incredibly powerful piece flows so effortlessly I do it little justice by saying I am eternally impressed.

    I didn't like Sometimes' comment about society. Bigots and haters abound all over the world, in any community or clique.

    So, tell me, what type, if any in particular, of ill-fated romance are we directing our intentions towards? I'm just curious, or is it a blanket piece representing all star-crossed loves?

    I loved it. The honesty, the lines, the juxtaposition of the physical and emotional aspects of the relationship. I just loved it.


  • autumns rising
    February 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Great

    I always wanted to read this one. dont know why I didnt, but im glad i did.

    "and hide from you what you know makes sense."
    Much Love
    -Dani


  • InTheDopeShow
    January 25, 2007
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    Fuck their wide stares and their whispers so cruel,
    lets walk hand in hand and smile at the fools.

    That was my favorite part, maybe because it relates and hits close to home for me... I loved those lines, but the whole poem is amazing! this poem rocks like beyond reason. awesome job!


  • The Lady Phoenix
    January 22, 2007
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    Incredibly

    As your new sister I thought it important to go through and read some of your poetry, and this was the first one I chose. Amazing! Stunning! and I'll tell you I don't get shocked very easily, probably because I can relate so well to this poem. I love your style as of yet and can't wait to see more.

  • Sokarjo
    January 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Powerful, strong, and incredibly good. Great flow, and strong thoughts. Kudos to you for standing up like that, and being proud of who you love; even if it's not what people think you should do. Awesome poem, and awesome way to express yourself. My totally favorite lines are "In the here and the now, in the time we have left, lay here with me...
    or drown in regret..." Really powerful; packs a punch. Not sure I should enter this contest now, but I still think about it. This is a powerful write, and I doubt I could say it better. Good luck!


    • Avalin gold member
      January 22, 2007
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      thanks for the nice words but you should deffinetly enter!

  • The Existentialist
    January 22, 2007
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    wow. this was awesome. i dont know if i can win this now

    • Avalin gold member
      January 22, 2007
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      enter!!!!! don't EVER assume someone elses poetry is better than yours! You'll never write anything if you do...

  • Nereida Nightshade
    January 22, 2007

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    I love it! Its powerful heartfelt and very proud. Well done! Thanks for entering such a great write best of luck to you.

    • Avalin gold member
      January 22, 2007
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      thanks very much! hope you get lots of entries..
  • marrow
    January 21, 2007

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    amazin, bro. absolutely incredible.
    maybe i'm just a little obsessed with death cab for cutie, but i think this really read as a potential song that would fill that genre well. such an amazing bit of prose. i'm bookmarking it for sure. and i don't do that much.

    j


  • His girl forever
    January 20, 2007
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    I like... ok practicaly love this.... I love the emotion and everything else in it Great Job!

  • slavetothemusic
    January 3, 2007

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    I like the rhythm of this piece, it flows really nicely. What struck me was that you're not just looking at society and its hypocracies but the hypocracies and facades of people:
    "So lets both stop playing this pointless game,
    take off our masks, we are not to blame"

    Interesting write, I'll check out some of your others =)


  • Mmmichelle
    December 17, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this, very powerful and there's a lot of emotion here too... It's kind of annoying me though, why this relationship is so....forbidden?? But I love the determination to be together...And the defiance 'lets walk hand in hand and smile at the fools'. All in all I think this is a great piece, I'm off to read more...


  • XxContinualSlinkyxX
    November 14, 2006
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    oooooo i really like this...do keep writing...comment my stuff? thankies ♥'s *~Windy~*

  • lucy sky-diamond
    November 14, 2006
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    an exception poem, very strong, and full of emotion. The swearing was used only when appropriate, which is a good thing, some people go overboard. im not sure what the poeple in the poem are being subject to; their forbidden love can be interpreted in many ways, when i first read it i thought they might be gay, but now im not sure.
    a great write :-)

  • Dalaney gold member
    November 14, 2006
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    "In the here and the now, in the time we have left, lay here with me...or drown in regret..." God, these words just got to me! The entire piece is beyond what I expected when I began, and its simple but clear message is outstanding. I truly truly think this
    is a poem worth reading again and again.
    Love,
    Lane
    Edited on Nov 14, 12:07 because 'typo'.

  • Gravel
    November 8, 2006
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    This poem was absolutely amazing. Really really awesome, and the last line was great. I'd agree on the not showing too much class thing with the repeat of the word "fuck" (twinstar's comment) but meh, I say it all the time. Thanks for entering and good luck.

  • Twinstar gold member
    October 27, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I like this a lot except for I think you could have used a little better word instead of f--k That is just getting to be so offensive and doesn't show too much class. that's just me though, that's just my opinion. i like the whole message of the poem and the way that it is written, but those words just takes away from the beauty and the skill of using words to discribe your emotions...
    peace
    twinstar

  • sometimes
    October 27, 2006
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    I cannot really relate to this, only because I have a different opinion of society. However, I do think this was a WONDERFUL display of your opinions and emotions. You are very talented. Keep writing!
  • ignoreu
    October 27, 2006
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    what would they think if they were cousins?

  • GirlWithTheMostCake
    October 17, 2006
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    I really liked this, I'm so glad to see people stand up for themselves and the ones they love. Love is NEVER wrong regardless of who you love or who loves you. Society has no right to tell you who you are or who you can love. Great job on this. I really liked it.
    ~*PointLessOne*~

  • SomeoneNobodyLikes
    October 17, 2006
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    wow great write!
    "So fuck their ideals and fuck their beliefs if we go to Hell then at least
    we'll be free and we'll be together for eternity."

    i loved those lines, i know how that goes...that's love

    "Fuck their wide stares and their whispers so cruel,
    lets walk hand in hand and smile at the fools. "

    those lines stood out as well, i liked the rebellious tone in those lines.

    thank you for sharing this piece!
    take care and good luck in the c ontest!


    ~SomeoneNobodyLikes

  • FaithInWords
    October 17, 2006
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    Ooo, I've got goosebumps. This is truly an incredible piece and I am in awe. Positively amazing.....
    xoxo- Heather
  • bebacksoon
    October 17, 2006
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    You did well here and Im really glad I got to read it. this is our society and it one that we created. we are the only ones who can change it

  • urban cowboy
    October 17, 2006
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    creepy to the extreme...
  • bldydreams
    October 17, 2006
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    this is an amazing poem it has so much meaning! you are amazing

  • SarahD
    October 17, 2006
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    I loved the message that you conveyed with this wonderful poem - really well described throughout!!! Good luck in the contest!! Blissful Princess

  • Whispered Secrets
    October 16, 2006
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    That last line was powerful. It really was. People have their opinions- but they're rude. Sometimes you just have to get by without caring about it. That's all you really can do when worse comes to worst.

  • AgeofAquarius
    October 5, 2006
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    Opinions are like A$$hole everyone has their own...
    they usually stink and the person who owns them think theirs smells like a rose of truth..LoL

    Powerfull write...
    Write on...
  • Terrence
    October 5, 2006
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    thats almost how society is today... people hide from others what is really wrong... which does no good for anyone cuz if we hide the wrong, then everything will be right while the wrong actually gets much worse.

    awesome work and good thought
  • memorymaker
    October 5, 2006
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    reat write! great job in drawing me a picture...I am really glad I came to read this! Don't ever let anyone steal your dreams! keep your head held high, be proud of who you are and who you love!

  • castaway-poet
    October 5, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    well written

    you could be the poster child for homosexuality on this one! All the same well written and put together! Just dont agree with the theme I guess. I will have to say you are a talented writer though.
  • acytra gold member
    October 5, 2006
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    Wow!! I am speechless. this is amazingly real and honest and I love it!! a brilliant write!! Wow!!

  • xxemokevinxx
    October 5, 2006
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    Absolutely beautiful The mix of lines that rhymed and didn't rhyme really moved me. In fact, my eyes were welling up toward the end. Keep it up, as you are a fantastic, beautiful creature.
    -Kevin
  • Requiem-star
    October 5, 2006
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    Beautiful!

    Wonderful! This peices contains saddess and pride at the same time!

  • October 5, 2006
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    WOW

    it gave me creeps up my back, i felt like i was reading what my mind thinks sometimes!

  • Tiffany Turner
    October 5, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    amazing

    In the here and the now, in the time we have left, lay here with me...
    or drown in regret...


    this is an amazing ending. i love it. the way it flows from line to line, is amazing, the talent and the emotion you express it far better than great. kepp up the good work and leave people speechless like you did me. amazing job.

    Tiffany
  • cockydiva
    October 5, 2006
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    good

    i loved it. it was a great poem and i enjoyed reading it a whole lot. it packed a lot of meaning.

  • mydearest apologies
    September 30, 2006
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    im in lovewith it... wow

  • suthrnbell84
    September 29, 2006
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    I am interested to know why this relationship is so taboo. I have a couple of guesses, but I don't like to jump to conclusions. I really enjoyed reading this, because I can relate.

  • XWingsOfSilverX
    September 29, 2006
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    Wow! This is a pwerful piece! I love this. The ending was very forceful and still passionate! Great job with this!
  • Trafalger679Curious silver member
    September 29, 2006
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    Superb/Intriguing/Unique/chilli

    A fantastic write, I enjoyed it just as it is. Last word on rating should be challenging.
    Edited on Sep 29, 6:20 p.m. because 'Add comments'.

  • indiethought
    September 27, 2006
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    perfect

    It's amazing the cruelty that can be unleashed on us by society's ideas of right and wrong. I think you captured what that cruelty does perfectly. It's strong, and evocative. I like that it has a touch of pleading to the words. You really touched me with this one, and thank you for writing it. It hits extremely close to home.

  • InkedHands
    September 27, 2006
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    the first line in the second stanza was great. A sense of defeat but then right back to emotional and uplifting, very nice. I really like your writing.
  • Joseph Gregory
    September 26, 2006
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    speaks to me on taking a chance
    a chance on love, happiness
    i like the first stanza and the way you rhymed within each line
    very cool

  • GirlWithTheMostCake
    September 25, 2006
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    Very strongly written. I always enjoy the word fuck in poetry. LOL Well, there's a few times I didn't, but this was written very well.
    ~PointLess~

  • Hekate gold member
    September 25, 2006
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    deep

    This was such a deep and raw emotional piece. You've done a wonderful job expressing yourself.Thanks for sharing.

    Kari

  • DramaQueen469
    September 25, 2006
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    LOVE IT!!!!!!!!

    Maria xoxox
  • Trafalger679Curious silver member
    September 25, 2006
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    Superb/romantic/unique

    Very well written indeed. I like it just as it is.

  • Anaiya
    September 25, 2006
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    Amazing

    I adored reading this poem, so hard-hitting and filled to the brim with emotion. And it flowed so well. Amazing work, Blessed Be xx

  • paullallady silver member
    September 25, 2006
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    very good

    oh this is a powerful piece of writing. it impacts the reader and that is good. It flows well and your choice of wording is
    perfect. the frustration, anger, at the ignorance of it all shows through perfectly. I love the ending:

    In the here and the now, in the time we have left, lay here with me...
    or drown in regret...

  • Cinnarry gold member
    September 24, 2006
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    It's always delightful to see the use of the word Fuck used so eloquently and tasteful. Love the presentation and the lovely meter. Well done.
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