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Daddy help

Mr President sir, this is what my little girl told me this morning,



" Daddy it was horrible


don't let him do it once more


Dad he's done it before



You've said ' Don't talk to strangers'


but he came up at playtime


asked me to look for his dime



He took me to his old car


then threw me on the floor,


started the car and locked the door.



The man took me to this place


then tied me down to the bed


he did stuff that hurt my head"



Sir she was molested, and she is only five.


Please vote to stop child molestation sir.



 sad girl


Author notes

This is a contest poem dealing with the tragic society topic of child molestation. Many kids suffer each year and are put through traumatic ordeals just to fill ones fantasys.
Written September 24th, 2006

A contest entry

What did you think

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • Cody Heitzig
    April 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    hey whats up?nice job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

    • lillmissunshine
      April 21, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      OMG CODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!I can't believe you've come back, and I missed you!!!!!LOL Ugh hope to talk to you soon!!!!
      KIM


  • Sharcu silver member
    September 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I would have to say that this is one of the best poems you have written so far. You definately need to write more because you are getting really good. I wish I had begun writing a lot earlier in my life. Amazing job! I like the story within a story style along with the rhyming, amazing flow... all around great poem. Well done! Good luck in the contest you are in
    --Tim

  • lillmissunshine
    September 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Well tyler, to be honest with you, I wanted to go deeper, but I wasn't sure exactly how deep you would want me to go. Well thank you for the comment though!!!
    Kimberly


  • Tangled Angle
    September 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I thought this was definitely original, with the story you told you were creative, but in all honesty I felt you could have went more into detail. With such a great idea, I felt you could have dug a little deeper in this one. However, I thought you had a good point, and got the message across. The word "daddy" is a childish word, so it fits the poem well, because it was told from a child's perspective, which I thought was a very good idea on your part. As for the sir, I thought it was kind of cheesy. Overall, I was interested, and you did a good job. My advice for you is to dig deeper. I know you can do better than this. Congratulations on moving to the next round.


  • SurelyWritten
    September 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    wow, Kim this turned out great, and it definitely gripped at the heart of the problem. I'm glad you chose this option and took a step to stop what happens to little girls and boys every day.
    Thank you Kim, from my heart thank you.


    Shirley

1 - 6 of 6