Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

En sueños

 

I lay in cool lush grass,
Moist with midnight dew,
And looked up at the stars.
They were so close,
I knew I could touch them,
Such was the magic
Of the night.



The lazy wind shared
Gentle secrets,
As it brushed against
My naked flesh,
Making me shiver;
Delight.



Breaths groaned;
Deep and heavy.
My helium mind,
(out of reality),
Flowed freely through
Fluid curves of ecstasy.



You surrounded my body,

With delicious thoughts

Of aching passion,

My soul smiled purity,

As you whispered,

Te amo para siempre.






Author notes

I love you, for always...

Written September 24th, 2006

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 50 of 50

  • XxContinualSlinkyxX
    September 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    *jaw drops*

    ummmmm mom...lol


  • Floorboards
    April 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    congratulations jan, great write!


  • Luna Darling
    March 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I agree with my fellow judge, wonderful. This is a great poem and I wish you luck in the contest.xD I also would not mind a translation of that last line...You love..something?o.0

    Luna♥


  • Allure of a Rose
    March 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    My, my, you've really out-done yourself, darling.
    I'm very glad to see this in the contest, as I may never have found it otherwise.
    Your words flow beautifully and create the most delightful images.
    Excellent write.

    -Allura

    P.S.- For those of us that only passed Spanish because our teachers happened to be young, Latino males... could you put the translation of the last line in the Author's Notes?

    • Luna Darling
      March 6, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      *raises hand* That is the only reason I passed spanish one...xD Yeah, full french-speaking girl in spanish class...D:

      • Allure of a Rose
        March 6, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        xD Somethin' about a Spanish speaking man is just so damned sexy. Fuck being able to get through another class easier!


  • Lionslove silver member
    December 1, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Bronze (although deserves Gold!)

    All we can say is, Tim was VERY torn between the top three - the final decision was left up to us! (Thank God, he insisted we remain anonymous!)

    Please refer to the contest page final comments for criteria and final notes.

    He will be creating a new contest page today. Initially, in our final notes, we said the top winners and the hm's would be reserved for the final round...which you are, no matter what. But, Tim had a change of mind and felt that you should also receive a personal invite to the next round as well. (An insider for you top three: the next round is "Erotica" - he is allowing pre-writes for the first half of the contest and the last half reserved for new writes, as he had so many requests for new writes before.

    You will be sent an im once the contest page is up later today.

    Again...CONGRATULATIONS ON A MOST EXCELLENT WRITE!!!

    Lionslove and The Judges

  • Lionslove silver member
    November 28, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    WOWZERS, SARA!!!!!!Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting This Was SO COOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLL!!! Me and my fellow judges hadn't planned on starting to judge until Friday...but the contest auto-closed on last entry. That being said, the awards will be handed out on Friday (PST)...not sure exact time...love this!!! ...wow.... it's going on the finalists list!

  • Lionslove silver member
    November 24, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    Sarajane...Welcome to the contest! ...thankyou for your submission and putting your user name in the authors comment box as requested.

    I look forward to more fully absorbing your
    masterpiece of love!!!

    My final comms and outlook on this piece will
    be given at the completion of the contest.

    I so appreciate your time and effort in entering!

    All the best, ...and good luck......Lionslove


  • tomisb
    November 12, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    There is a gentle sensuality, under emphasised but threading its way through every line. I enjoyed the quality of innocence that is provoked by the opening lines about the stars. The the center two verses were almost erotic in the descriptive power helped to stress the importance of love. Over all, I really enjoyed the poem and just wanted to share briefly with you the pleasure it provided. Love, Tom B.


  • SurelyWritten
    November 11, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I adored this poem, wonderful writing poet! Please also consider my multi-round challenge,

    allpoetry.com/Contest/2308224

    I think you would go far in it, were you to enter.

    Blessings, and best of luck,
    Shirley


  • Wayne Leon Learmond
    October 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    beautiful piece

    Very sensual and silk-like piece this. Very very beautiful. You have great talent. May the 'Light' guide you.


  • -Ang-
    October 9, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    beautifully sensual

    ang


  • Image and Visions silver member
    September 27, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    great

    sara, this is another of my favorites of your. I found this to be particurally eleoquent. I alos liked the unque stanza with the lazy wind, that is just plain beautiful scripted word usage. wonderful piece my friend you have my respect again. Image and Visions


  • Iohagh
    September 27, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Darling SJUK

    Grass wetness seemingly cold
    still this warms me
    your lovers moves bold
    complete al fresco fantasies.

    Smoosh

    Janet

  • Philogos gold member
    September 27, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is an excellent piece of imagery. The overall link between the natural world and sensuality is very well done and I would support the Spanish in the climax. It seems to me sufficiently simple to be interpreted even by people like me who don't speak the language. Well done.


  • Abdul T Alishtari
    September 27, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This was a sensual delight.

    AT


  • JohnWaynePalsy
    September 27, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    rico suave

    nice piece of writing though id say you coulda done without the spanish.doesnt anyone speak english anymore??? then again it may have lessened the poem any other way so i suppose it can be overlooked.smooth writing


  • Romanee
    September 27, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This was beautiful, there's just something about this piece, it appeals to the senses, and the words used it was just so wonderfully poetic, the two last lines
    As you whispered,
    Te amo para siempre.
    oh sent shivers down spine, it really did, great write, keep it up, Romanee.

  • atty-poet
    September 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Very soft and sensual indeed, erotic without being pornographic. Nicely done, but I'm not up on my spanish. maybe but the translation for the finish in author comments? give me hint...


  • Lady Voldemort silver member
    September 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    sweetness

    woowoowoowoo! I love it, I love it, I love it! The background adds quite a nice touch too, I might add. (If you have photoshop, though I suggest putting this background/picture in it and blurring the edges so it doesn't look so column-like........just a suggestion.) =D

    awesome poem though. really. The last line was a kicker.

    MORSMORDRE!
    - The Dark Lady


  • myron silver member
    September 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    i like what you have done here very much, in this sensual and loving poem, although i feel that you have sometimes said too much and that this is not necessary.

    here is a suggestion for a revision, to show you what i mean. (also, in modern poetry there is no need to punctuate at the end of every line, as there is a slight implied break at the end of most lines anyway, depending on the flow of language.)

    I lay in cool lush grass
    Moist with midnight dew
    And looked up at the stars.
    They were so close
    I knew I could touch them.


    The lazy wind shared
    Gentle secrets
    As it brushed against
    My naked flesh
    Making me shiver.


    Breaths groaned
    Deep and heavy.
    My helium mind
    Flowed freely through
    Fluid curves of ecstasy.

    You surrounded my body
    With delicious passion.
    I smiled
    As you whispered
    Te amo para siempre.


    sarajane

    I hope you don't mind my suggestions.

    best wishes in the contest,
    myron.


  • Edna Sweetlove
    September 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    You've gone all sensual on me...ooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

    PS Where do you get this nice background from - do tell!


  • masterblaster gold member
    September 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Hi Sara, very nice, ahhhhhhhh! these latins can get under your skin and into your blood,lol, lovely poem,all the best it was a pleasure to read, hugs Di


  • -Ang-
    September 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    beautifully sensual sara

    ang


  • mitimse
    September 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Love is found only in the afterglow. Mr. Joe
    Edited on Sep 26, 8:27 because ''.

  • Uriah Hamilton
    September 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Quite lovely, and yes, sensual.


  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    September 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    SaraJane this is so beautiful!
    I love the imagery of this piece.
    Very sensual and a tranquil mood
    to this poem. You did a wonderful
    job with this! Thank you for sharing
    it and best of luck to you with it
    in the contest!


    Allen0826


  • fungshuay24
    September 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    this is such an incredible poem sara. i really liked this one. you've written anothert incredible piece.
    daughter xx

  • afireinthisheart
    September 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    beautiful

    congrats on your trophy...this was extremely beautiful..it was when I read this...I entered my poem into the same contest...my love speaks fluent spanish...that last sentence has so much beauty and impact...very deserving of notice and reward this write was...beautiful


  • light insight silver member
    September 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    sexy

    Very sensual indeed! I find this type of write to be so much more attractive than the usual stuff found in the adult or erotica catagories. The was full of imagery and feeling. Great job and see most readesfeel the same way. Take care!

  • Eulb kcalB
    September 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    The lazy wind shared
    Gentle secrets,
    As it brushed against
    My naked flesh,
    Making me shiver;
    Delight.



    Breaths groaned;
    Deep and heavy.
    My helium mind,
    (Out of reality),
    Flowed freely through
    Fluid curves of ecstasy.
    *******
    You surrounded my body,
    With delicious thoughts
    Of aching passion,
    My soul smiled purity,
    As you whispered,
    Te amo para siempre.

    what bbeautiful and sensua piece ..me encanta !! esta escrita de una manera muy emotiva y muy provocativa....simplemente magnifico!!


    jamila yadira


  • Swtpoetryman
    September 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    AS LOVELY AS THE STARS SHINING IN YOUR EYES!

    A very well written and well presented soulful, sensual, and spiritual piece that demonstrated how all of us are a part of the cosmic stew especially when we are naked and in the arms of that special someone we lovewho knows our heart and souls often deeper and better than we ourselfs do! Another woderful and beautiful piece from you that I'm HAPPY to leave a Standing O for.
    GOOD LUCK in the contest!
    Peace & Love!
    Earl.


  • zexzgal
    September 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow, this was really beautiful. I enjoyed reading it. could you tell me what this means?: Te amo para siempre. I thought that ending with that was very creative. It reminded me of a sensual moment with a sexy man who spoke a different language and I had to guess through his body language...maybe its more of a fantasy, lol. Thanks for entering my contest.

    ~Lia


  • Icirora
    September 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I like it. I came in, intrigued by the Spanish title, and was not disappointed. Congrats.

    Icirora


  • Heavenly Angel silver member
    September 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Truly, a beautiful, beautiful piece, Sara! Wow!
    I was envisioning sharing a night such as this with the man I love; thank you for the awesome images that flowed through my mind!


  • Shadows of wolves
    September 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Sara you have penned such a soft a beautiful piece, so delicate yout filled with strong visual images and emotions of the moment. It makes the stars dance ,and the rose envious of such beauty. This poem completely melts the heart on all levels.

    Much enjoyed

    Pen on poetess

    Shadows


  • capricornpoet
    September 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    among green duvet and stars

    Secretly sensual,passion with consenting stars, fresh feelings
    as a fragrant breeze..lovemaking so pleased..I relished this..
    A fruit of passion in a garden of Eden.


  • sarajaneUK
    September 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for reading and commenting, very much appreciated. You are correct, it is a very loving poem, I wrote it, to capture some very special moments. Ty sj


  • white stone
    September 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Ahh, that makes sense. The tone of the piece was very loving all the way through, the context should have given me enough clues to understand that last line. Thx

  • white stone
    September 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Sensual indeed. I like the helium mind reference. Good way to illustrate light flotation of self. Wish I knew spanish, now I'll have to go look that last line up. Anyway, very lovingly and concisely written. Enjoyed.


  • sarajaneUK
    September 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Ahhhh mi amigo, mucho apreciado...gracias.


  • leo2
    September 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    So silky smooth, wrapped in sensual delight... Like my favorite chocolate from the box. I don't know how to say it in spanish but I love it.

    Sincerely,
    Leo Long


  • sarajaneUK
    September 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you Paul. much appreciate the comment and the clappy. Ty sj

  • Betweenmoods
    September 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Great imegery and ues of words floating around your passion, I love it....Excellent...Good luck and best wishes...Paul!


  • Floorboards
    September 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    this is superb jan, nowt like mine and 100 times better to boot!
    well done my friend!
    alex


  • sarajaneUK
    September 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you Terry. Glad you enjoyed.


  • September 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Wow Jan, this is a very passionate and well written Poem . Keep up the great work my friend and best of luck to you in the contest.

    Cheers
    Terry

  • sarajaneUK
    September 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Ty! You're right bout the pop though...always happens. sighs. still we try to touch the stars, even though they burn.


  • individuality gold member
    September 24, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    my helium mind, i like that, i have not seen that expression used before in a poem, ah love it will float the mind and spirit. watch out for the pop though spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...

1 - 50 of 50