An inside eye.

I don't like how I lie,

whenever you're in my eye.

So instead

listen to the songs in my head.

To feel the words I've said,

and uncover the wounds I've bled.

To fix the puzzle inside of me,

so I become a picture of purity.

Do not leave me alone,

or there will be no path home.

Author notes

Written September 23rd, 2006

What did you think

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

By me, right now

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BuriedTreasures
January 30, 2008
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Excellent
Hi---Thanks for your feedback regarding my poem entitled "A Letter to Parents"--I'm glad you enjoyed it and I hope you will continue to visit my site.
I enjoy your writing style, especially the sincerity it emits--You are very talented !!
AL (Buried Treasures)
straighttalker
September 24, 2006
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Nice
yes, this one was a little short, but it clues me in to the depths that are in your soul...you have a way with words, and a greatness in you. Keep on writing!
September 24, 2006
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Excellent writing, there are a few area's that could be improved, like the flow and vocab. But all in all this is very good start, something putting it on paper ins't easy, and I feel you on that. But there is so much potential in this poem. So if I was you I would just re-work this poem and before you know it you'll have a wonderful remastered piece to share. Keep writing there is talent there ^_^

Much luv 2ya

Under Star
Edited on Oct 05, 11:20 p.m. because 'to remove spam'.
sunkissed07
September 24, 2006
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I do not really feel depth in this poem and it isn't really my style you could use better vocabulary to keep it from seeming too simple. I do not know what your vision was for this poem though so maybe I am wrong for critisizing, if so my appologies.
ApatheticDelusions
September 23, 2006
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This was pretty good. In my opinion it would of been better if it was longer. Not saying it is bad short, just I like to get more out of what I read, and length helps with that, although some good writers can get a lot into a short poem. This just didn't seem to satisfy my need to know more though, it could of had more to it, and it would be better...but still, this is pretty good.
nichtmich
September 23, 2006
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Bittersweet
Good rhyme, though the meter is uneven and interrupts the flow . I like the concept here, it's a desparate yearning that most of us can relate to. Thank you for the read.
Edited on Sep 24 because 'typical typo'.