Millions of people dying
Thosands already dead
All for an image
Thats stuck in our heads
In the crevice of perfection
The wings will tempt me now
Maybe in this hell i'll live
For it is my solom vow
Bowing to you and your awful ways
In the autumn of devotion
All day long it's very true
You play with my emotions
In the valley of ecstacy
The starving brings
It suddenly becomes easy
To skip out on the feedings
The tears keep coming
They're following my pain
All for the decision
I've made to be vain
You've diluted my innocence
And degraded my truth
All the while
You've taken my youth
Killing my self
And only for you
I was oh so nieve
I hadn't a clue
But its over now
Goodbye my dear friend
From my head now it's time
For you to descend
Author notes
Option 4
Written September 22nd, 2006
A contest entry
- Paper-Thin, Tearing Mirror by FlipperSwitch.
300 points, ended September 26, 2006, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Raven Qualifier - General: Free Verse, Rhyme and Everything Else by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 140 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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I'm not really sure what this poem was about. You seem to be all over the place. What I gather is this: the world is bad, you don't like yourself, you kind of blame yourself for this, you kind of don't, you aren't happy with some mysterious character for something he or she did to make you feel this way, he or she has taken something from you that you would rather they had not.
These are all good things to write about. You could even get away with writing about all of them at once..but you would have to do so in some sort of continuous way. Your thoughts seem hip to write about. And clearly you want to write about them. Now you need to fine tune those thoughts. Try and make them coherent, sharp, and aimed. Try to break the four line stanza ABAB cliche.
Good luck in the contest! -
Freakin great
Wooooooo...Very nice! I love it! Thanks for the comment sweets. And I love you too. -
This is very nicely done- I like your form, and the struggles in the story are amazingly written. Thank you for entering and good luck!
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Absolutely FANTABULOUS!!!!!!!!!
YAY!! You finally finished it after all of the strugling and fighting with the writers block you came up with a fantabulous ending! I am oh so very proud of you hon! Good job and GREAT-WONDERFUL write~!!!!!
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