Your eyes
Blue as blueberries
Orbs staring at me
I love to gaze into them
Like a crystal ball, so clear
I cannot look away
For they mesmerize me
I'm hypnotized
In love
Eternally
Those blueberry eyes
Sear right through me
Your pupils are dilated
Romance, I see it
I shiver, quiver
Tingling inside
Shaking
Waiting
Watching
I need more
You undress me with your eyes
I feel the earth tremble, shake
You move closer to me
I sense hot desire
Provocative
Sensual
Sexy
You undress me
And we make sweet love.
Author notes
JUST SOME MORE OF MY FREE VERSE. HOPE YOU LIKE IT!
Written September 22nd, 2006
neocaeczaristic
A contest entry
- 1st Contest!! by xox-lankan-xox.
550 points, ended December 17, 2006, 100 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Personal Best #3 (Prewrites Allowed) by aGent Lemon.
360 points, ended March 21, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything! I want you to blow me away with your talent! by Heavens Child.
850 points, ended April 5, 2007, 112 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Touch Me! by yourbentangel.
350 points, ended April 19, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - No Title: Just Come Have a Look by I-Am-Custard.
900 points, ended July 5, 2007, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Passionate Poetry by Last Pixie.
300 points, ended June 12, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hot, Steamy Erotica by Master Ktulu.
525 points, ended May 11, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - biggest contest in allpoetry history! (i hope) need 1,000 entries!! by Gasp.
1300 points, ended July 11, 2007, 638 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dramatic Monologue by Andantino.
475 points, ended May 21, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Quick Contest by PoetrysAngel2041.
450 points, ended July 17, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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This exceeds the line limit of the contest, but I love this as I am quite partial to blue eyes and love every poem describing the wonder of looking into them when they are displayed on the face of your loved one. Well done.
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I like this but for a few things, one is the last line 'And we make sweet love'.
I say 'sweet, sweet love' as a comedic phrase in life, so it's use in this poem damages the sensuality you built up previously.
There's also a massive lack of punctuation in this, take out the line breaks and read this without taking a breath except for the commas and you'll see what I mean, punctuation is as big a tool as the words themselves, use it to inject rhythm into your poetry.
Other than that this is lovely, subtle and with feeling despite it's short length.
Thank you for entering. -
This is very beautiful, however not quite what I was looking for. I can sence the eroticness to it though. Thanks for your entry.
**Master Ktulu** -
this was a sweet simple poem. i cant really say it tickeled my fancy much but there was some nice imagery. there could be more added to it to make it more personal, i think. good work none the less.
-
DQ-
if you read the rules it sid no erotica.
sorry
and plus it isnt dirty prety. -
I like this, it definately made me feel. It flowed very well and was great in the imagry. Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest
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this poem is Dq for it broke a rule that I just do not want to be broken, if you read the ruls It say no adult/ erotica
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wow this was beautiful! it was so wow loved the opening lines
great job, and I do like it...one of the best freewrites I've read!!! keep it up!
~Chrissy~ -
I really like the metaphor you've used here with the blueberries. Very unique and original. "orbs staring back at me" I love this. The way you've used short lines "shaking, waiting, watching" "provocative, sensual, sexy" adds great impact to this piece. Well done. Thank you for this entry in my contest.
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Thank you very much for entering this contest. I may add much more of a comment later on since there are so many other submissions.
You may want to keep in mind that I will try to open more of the same contests one after another if I can earn enough feedback to do so which I must say would be truly appreciated. Altogether, I hope this will also give everybody a glimpse at one of you're favorite accomplishments which hopefully in turn inspire them to look at what else you've got. -
Whoa!
The rules are: If the original is free verse write it rhymed, if it is unrhymed rewrite as rhymed, put the original in the author's notes. Will not go to judging until done. Emotionally, its HOT and perfect.
Please, follow the rules.
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THANX S VERY MUCH! I APPRECIATE THE REVIEW!
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\POETDONTKNOWIT'''''''''''' -
hmmm... nice try. I liked the way u've potrayed the eyes in this poem. Eyes r the most expressive thing on the face... nice dedication to them..
-Neha -
THANX SO MUCH!!!!!!!
''''''''''''''''POETDONTKNOWIT............ -
I THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE GRAND REVIEW!
\\\\\\\\\\\\\POETDONTKNOWIT////////////// -
THANX SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING!
'''''''''''''POETDONTKNOWIT............... -
Hi, he must be great with eyes like that,lol, cute and sexy, it has a fresh feel about it, it is endearing because of the simple thoughts and phrases, all the best liked it very much, Di
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What those baby blues won't do! So easy to read and understand what you are saying in these line. Liked the brevity of the lines and the flow of the piece.
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I THANK YOU KINDLY FOR YOUR INPUT!
'''''''''''''''''''POETDONTKNOWIT;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; -
Great poem which I liked a lot, very good use of description here. I liked the powerful tone of this write. Keep writing, this was a lovely, passionate piece.
All the best
Pozo
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i dont see alot of erotica in free verse on this site, so it was a refreshing change, i also liked how because it was in free verse it wasnt as explicit as alot of stuff. so you did good here, good vision!
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