Here I lie awake,
yet its as if im in a dream.
The world has come undone,
And I feel so very unclean.
I look down at my hands,
they are covered with thick red.
confusion seeps within my mind,
and my body feels like lead.
Have I done wrong with these hands?
That drip with gruesome sin.
Have I done harm to someone?
My memory has run thin.
I feel the tears fall down my face,
I have a sudden jolt of dread.
tears fall slowly to the ground,
why might they be red?
People walk by,
they dont seem to notice.
Dont they see the crimson dread?
People walk by,
they dont seem to notice.
Could it be that I'm dead?
Author notes
Option 6: Hello- Evanescense
http://brightii.deviantart.com/art/My-Bloody-Desire-80152299
A contest entry
- Dark Picture Contest by fairytalelovestory.
350 points, ended September 21, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Suicide Silences by xXCadyBabbiXx.
400 points, ended December 13, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - the tell-tale redhanded by redhanded.
645 points, ended December 13, 2008, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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wow I raly likd this piece here. great take on the prompt love the song
thanks so much for your entry and best of luck to you in the future and with your writing.
andi
(redhanded) -
This is good.
Thank you for entering =]]
good luck. -
damn baby i really like this one. My favorite verse is
I look down at my hands,
they are covered with thick red.
confusion seeps within my mind,
and my body feels like lead.
-
This is amazing. Interesting ending. I like how you show the confusion and really display the point of view of this person.
The only thing that seemed a little off to me was the lines "People walk by/They don't seem to notice." In the last stanza it fits better, but the second to last it doesn't seem to flow quite as well. -
You have used a creative bent of mind on this poem and have made a wonderfully unique piece. The wording and flow are extremely well done as well. Excellent work, you captured my attention from line one and carried me through your poem nicely. Good rhymes too.
Best wishes...
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