~o0o~~o0o~~o0o~~o0o~~o0o~~o0o~~o0o~~o0o~
When each eye giggles,
When spring arrives on each cheek,
Angels ring bosom bell.
~o0o~~o0o~~o0o~~o0o~~o0o~~o0o~~o0o~~o0o~
Author notes
senryu
A contest entry
- Traditional Haiku & Senryu by liquidmindforever.
800 points, ended May 3, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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:)
A couple minor grammer errors but I liked the overall of it ...
In line one since you use "each"...use eye singular instead of eyes plural.
In line two arrive should be arrives, just as he arrives or "she arrives today". You could even delete (the) for it is implied by default...spring arrives
I thought it was sweet and yet it tickled my funnybone as they say, so I enjoyed the read. Thank you for sharing
it and Happy Holidays...
-Eddy
-
Sweet
Short, catchy, vibrant and very lively! Can almost feel the descriptions. Beautifully penned. A pleasure reading it! -
A very short good poem indeed. Nature was depicted in the poem, conceived well. A very good depiction through short poem.
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