The War of the Bloody Roses
Once the fucking honeymoon ended
the war of bloody roses started
why do i feel so frigid and cold-hearted?
no words would make me feel flattered
strangely my heart isn’t yet shattered
where have those promises and love gone?
is there anything can be done to win back the loved one;
and to retrieve all those bygone days of fun?
I know that i am from the planet of Venus
and asshole hubby is from the planet of loopy penis
religion was simulated into my serene life
i was living in hell and decided to take a dive.
i tried to escape after cracking his hazel nuts,
But in the dim light my decency stumbled on my guts.
My foul wisdom counselled me to resort to rat poison,
I thought, if get caught my life in prison would hinge upon.
So I filed for the custody of my loving dogs and cats,
but instead i got the guardianship of his ugly bat
Our matrimony vows read "till the death we’ll never part"
but I have plans to tear out from his pathetic heart
i will show him how well a Dracula's bride can perform
and the bride from hell masters oral skills and can conform
I will make him scream with my teeth dug into his horn
horny will learn a lesson and will never get stiff on watching porn.
Author notes
THIS IS A COLLABORATION BETWEEN ME AND MY FRIEND BABBYBLUE. HE HAS A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR!
Written September 20th, 2006
choice no 9
nermin nazim
A contest entry
- Anything. by Sonofdead.
800 points, ended June 26, 2007, 138 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - SUPER FUNNY POEMS by Travis7.
350 points, ended June 28, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Opitions!!!!!! LOTS OF OPITIONS!!!!! by teenagefailure.
425 points, ended December 15, 2007, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Best Pre-Written Rhyme by piccola.
800 points, ended August 15, 2008, 90 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything at all! by C J Weatherholt.
700 points, ended May 23, 107 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 35 of 35
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L.O.L
Loopy penis planet,hehe,this has me cracking up.
I feel the rage,but its a blast of a write.lol.
You know,no matter how short,small,tiny,tall,big,gentle, a woman is, No one shuld ever underestimate the wrath of a woman scorned !
Dracula,haha.
Why do we make those mistakes and marry the wrong guys who abuse,shred and tear us apart.then when we leave them,most of them realize what they lost.
Well i call my 2nd EXXXX DICK.
Aagh dont even wana think about it.
Bisoux.
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HEH! Yes actually there are some in the world that maybe this should be performed on!! Lol great write thanks for entering my contest! Good Luck!
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I love this...i had to say this made me laugh. Well done and good luck! Definately a "loopy" and vengeful poem!
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I love the background... ~ I enjoyed the story ~ you've poetically penned ~ Thanks so much for entering ~ Best of luck to you!
Florida Sunshine -
loopy penis ... hmmm does that mean its so big he can loop it around? lol. Ouch
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This is some poem! Amazing
I love the phrase "his loopy penis!" This is VERY FUNNY. Enjoyed reading this scary, batty poem very nuch!
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Very funny.
Definitly different!
Good job!!
Thanks for entering my contest
And good luck!!!
-Erin Lynn -
thanks for entering my contest
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this poem is really really funny
i really like it it's awesome
good job
i love all your poetry
thanks for entering my contest
GOOD JOB -
O.O
Lol. That's kinda more crazy than humorous. Lol. But, in that weird way, the craziness made it humorous.
Heh. I liked it.
Well done and good luck.
†Nicole♥ -
Lol! Wow.
That was awesome.
"I know that i am from the planet of Venus
and asshole hubby is from the planet of loopy penis"
Haha! Because WHAT else on this earth could you possibly rhyme with Venus!
Thank you for writing and the best of luck to you.
-Reni -
Andy you are so funny, yeah her guys sure watches porn, dont guys do that?
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So her guy loves porn more than he does her. It seems that perhaps he led her on. Quite humorous. Till death do they part, and the sooner the better she feels.
Andy -
well, this poem should be a bit hard to understand for my daughter as it contains some no no stuff. well, it is a new style i am trying, not that i will stick to it, but we thought about being rude and vindictive, which we, my collaborator and i, arent in real life.
love you daughter
your mom -
My dear, I love your commentary on it. thank you very much. Defenitely what you pointed out is totally correct. yes i agree with you the raw and lewd language isnt my favorite and not my style, but i and my collaborator thought that in order to show frustration there should have been that vindictive aspect or at least what she, the bride, would tell herself. you are totally right. and thank you for the kind words and nice commentary you gave here.
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Nermin
thank you for taking the time to enter my contest. It is an interesting topic to me to hear perspectives on this issue and clarify some sexist injustices (or just plain broaden them). With that said I will begin
goods: Honest language, fun, full rhymes and partial rhymes all worked for me, consistent eight line stanzas add strength, punctuated properly(you don't know how much this means to me), all the "little" metaphors and analogies.
not so good: Really only a couple, but one of them is a big one for me, the "raw" and "lewd" part of the language although can be fun and even necessary in some contemporary pieces leaves me feeling less like the narrator is an angry vengeful woman as much as "not classy", which is again o.k., if that's what you were going for, but I would guess not.
Overall: This will get bronze, where if some the language were just a little more subtle may very well have gotten gold. I enjoyed this poem immensely.
jim -
Ahsantom
My mama.. honestly it was a bit hard for me to understand especially my Babylon didn’t have equals for some words. I had to read it three time to make a guess about what the poem is going on (Don’t say your daughter is silly. I really had problems understanding this :-S) but from the parts I understand, it was a unique poem of yours like always. The rhyme, imaginations were excellent. Is proud of her mom
Thanks for sharing and best luck for the contest :-)
~Massy~
P.S. sorry for lateness in commenting
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thanks my dear loads and loads. well i dont believe i would act like that, but unions like that are a trap, resentment and anger are the normal outcome i am sure. i tried miscommunication and resentment once, but thank God i didnt go to that extreme nor did i have a common life with him. i hope to God i never experience such feelings or anger or frustration!
Bless you my friend -
Thank you my dear for your wonderful comment. yes, i could imagine such unions, it is scary, frankly speaking such thing would be scary for me too, and the way out is very difficult so it leaves out revengeful feelings, anger and frustration. we tried hard to bring it out because i believe there is truth to it.
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That's got to feel better and damn that was good. Although the humor jumped out as I read, it didn't come close to hiding the real anger, hurt, and resentment that was the inspiration for the poem. I loved it and I'm glad it's not like that for you today. Good to hear from you!
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Funny and sad simultaneously
Hi Nermin. The opening line isn't just contentious; if you think about it, it is also ambiguous (what do all couples do on honeymoon? ). I found the poem very amusing and reflective of deep, angry frustration with a man who promised everything and delivered nothing. Although it was funny, there was a sad and sombre message beneath the comedy : people can become trapped in loveless, meaningless unions and the only way out is pain and tragedy. Much love, camus x -
how would you edit it?
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D for different...;)
YES....but is it art???
Great write even if it needs editing...
Aint love grand???... -
My dear thank you indefinitely. you made my day, because i liked the idea and content but was afraid it would be too much. i needed to hear your nice and kind words. thank you for that encouragement.
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Superb/Fun/Intriguing/Unique
As a gentleman, and I use that term loosely, I find this poem hysterical and wise at the same time. Very well written just as it is. -
i love that "not keeping the bat" well if it were a suit then i would give it away, but a bat is a soul and the poor animal doesnt know what befell on him so i would throw it back at him!
)
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oh so deep and then comes to life with a touch humor love it great job on this writing I don't think I'd keep the bat though...LOL BIG
to you....
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A+
Yeow! You had me at the first line itself. ha, quite extreme I'd say
This has to be one of my favourite humor poems, the fact that it really does happen gives it much added smiles. Sigh, to remember and see such experiences... Not good I'd say 
Everything and every part was brought along quite nicely, all with its boldness and use of well foul words. The rhyme scheme was sweet, gives pleasure to my sweet tooth.
But I'd have to say, the last lines dealt it all.
So how are you? Never heard much of you lately. Everything going well?
overall I give the poem A+
Wonderful collaboration you guys, do keep it up.
Cheers,
Khalid -
what could I do beautiful Sonja, I couldnt fight the urge of being a bad girl, imagining all the frustration and the wish to hurt someone who hurt you badly lol. i personally would never do that, but i might think of it between me and myself only to feel better. ))) thank you for you sooooo kind words.
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normally my dear i dont use such lingo, but i thought of what could a woman so mad at her husband say, even between her and herself, that she would like to do or would do to him out of anger and frustration.
no dear brother you didnt hurt my feelings, i totally understand dear. -
lol i've heard women chopping the jewels of the family in frustration and anger at their hubbies, so i tried to visualize the frustration and what a woman could do, but perking the whole thing up and make it so funny was Babbyblue as he really is so funny in his approach to things
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my dear friend, i usually dont like the use of bold words, but i tried to think what a frustrated woman could think of doing to her hubby when in such situation.
thanks dear, you made me laugh too. -
(((((((((((
)))))))))) You two of silly ladies has done amazing funny verses. Amazing used words and pictures offered to the other part.
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i tried to escape after cracking his hazel nuts,
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waw, ha, ha, ha....
Realy good humor. Bravo for both of you.
~Sonja~
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very funny in parts, dark and angry too in other parts lol at from the planet of loopy penis. a good collaboration. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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hi my dear friend nermin , this is really very good collaboration poem . for , i liked it very much , I have to say that last 2 lines made me laugh . great job ..
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