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Sailing Dreams (Rewrite)

 


Lift your eyes to the heavens that sail above

What is it that soars in the heavens like a dove?

What encompasses your soul, sending your spirits high

That lets you release your worries, saying your last goodbye?

 

 As you gaze into the beauty of the night sky overhead

Do you see your dreams flying with the stars instead?

When you lay your head down for your nightly rest

Do you dream your dreams, of your future quest?

 

Place your hopes and dreams into to world that exists above

Put them up among the stars who can cover your future in love

For those stars are the thing that lies deep within your soul

The heavenly light that will get you closer to your life’s goal


by Sharcu (Tim)


Author notes

Approximate Writing Time: 15 minutes

Poem inspired by the two pictures above and the following quote:
"Reach high, for the stars lie hidden in your soul. Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal." - Pamela Vaull Starr

Poem also inspired by and a rewritten version of my poem "Sailing Dreams" written May 6. The original was written before I started rhyming all my poems so I decided to try and give it a more updated appearance like what I've been writing lately. Here is the link to my previous poem:
allpoetry.com/Poem/1993428

Please keep in mind that this isn't really a spiritual poem, though it could have some spiritual metaphoric meanings such as the stars (lying in the heavens above) is God who covers our future in love and has a light that will always get us closer to the finish line/goal. Thought I'd just mention that.

Thank you so much for reading and I do hope that you enjoyed reading it.
Written September 19th, 2006

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Comments

1 - 57 of 57
  • RalphL
    May 5, 2008

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    I just had a dream recently about sailing on a big ship with many people on calm seas where I was able to see all kinds of things fish it was so peaceful thanks for what you wrote it tells me of where I'm headed...


  • aurora13 silver member
    April 9, 2007

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    "For those stars are the thing that lies deep within your soul": I was deeply moved by this line...
    Felt so much of peace... and your poem kind of rekindled hope in my heart... I was moving away from dreams, loosing the spirit for following the future quest... and your poem invoked some deep buried feelings... very soothing and inspiring write... It just touches your heart.... What to comment in terms of poetry

    Thanks for sharing this one! Truly Amazing!


  • Bedroom Eyes
    April 8, 2007

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    This may not have been intended as being spiritual, but it inspires like it is meant to be. I love the blending of the write with the two pics here. Very nicely done Tim.


  • TravisF
    April 5, 2007
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    Uplifting

    Very nice and uplifting, I was not carazy about the repetition of the word heven in the first two lines but overall I really liked the writing.


  • lovelustre
    April 5, 2007

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    A masterpiece!

    bandits united!
    A beautiful poem you have penned here, tying in many lovely themes such as love and finding meaning in our life's travels!


  • -LilacThOughts- gold member
    April 4, 2007

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    BANDITS UNITED!

    Bro this is a fantastic write and quite heavenly to read, it is one I could keep coming back to time and time again and never tire of...it seems so different to what I have read of yours before...

    On the first line of the last stanza you need to replace the word [to] with [a]

    There is a lot of hope penned into these beautiful lines, rich in imagery..life on this planet would'nt move forward if it wasn't for dreams...inventions are dreams...I'm so glad poetry was invented otherwise I would not have been sat here reading this masterpiece today...

    Some amazing lines of imagery and the picture compliments your poem so perfectly, I am very impressed

    Powerful, engaging, endearing, emotive and a delight to read

    Much love ~sis


  • just-an-amateur
    April 4, 2007

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    Bandits United!
    A great write, how could I expect anything less! One thing though, in the last stanza you've got:
    Place your hopes and dreams into to world that exists above
    Thought you might have meant the instead of to. Sorry I'm OCD right now.
    Excellent job!
    ~M~


  • tawk gold member
    April 4, 2007

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    Bandits United!!!

    This is such a beautiful and peaceful and serene write. Wonderful imagery and emotion running throughout. Wow is all I can say I so enjoyed it I hope that you are enjoying your day today you so deserve it Enjoy


  • pixxiepoetess
    April 4, 2007

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    BANDITS UNITED!!

    YOu have such a gift for rhyme. Your lines always flow together so beautifully. This write is so blissful. You've got great word choices and some wonderful rhetorical questions. It really makes us think an to reexamine ourselves. Kudos for putting my brain to work. >pixxie<


  • Vagabond
    April 4, 2007

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    Bandits Unite!

    Great work on this... i'm commenting later than the norm today but i really got swamped with entries in my latest contest and had to wade through them all to get to the spotlight notice... Anyways, i really liked this poem, you've handled the topic admirably and come off with an extremely well written piece for the amount of time you spent writing it... I guess my one qualm with the work would be trying to rhyme anything with dove... i can't say why but that word in poetry is really aggrivating and i've come to the beleif that other than poems about doves... referances to them should be kept to a minimum... of course thats just me... other than that though, great work!


  • perdisbeaute
    April 4, 2007

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    BANDITS UNINTE

    This is really great Tim, a nicely and thought provoking write. I really enjoyed it! And i loved the whole second stanza, kind of dreamy like!!!!

    Keep up the good writes!


  • Twinstar
    April 4, 2007

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    Bandits United!!!

    This is a very nicly done and takes some interesting questions into consideration. Great imagery and good flow. A much enjoyable read! Sorry! I was late reading this piece. I can hardy believe it took only around 15 min. to write. Great Job!
    Love & Light
    Debbera


  • Desire gold member
    April 4, 2007

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    Bandits United!!

    Now I want to Dream again!
    Powerful piece You have penned my Friend~
    This sparks the Mind and Spirit to want to soar
    and reach out the Touch the skies~
    Thank You for sharing Your Talent!!


    Many blessings to You!
    Best wishes too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • Frodofan silver member
    April 4, 2007

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    Bandits United

    Nice. It was very dreamy. I love the stars! I still make wishes on them now and then. Good luck in the contest!

  • Susan E. Pennycuff
    April 4, 2007

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    I was reminded of the phrase " Calgon take me away " when I read this, it has that magical quality to it. Such a dreamlike magic that just takes you to a higher plane and releases you to a state of relaxation. Very nicely done dear. Hope you enjoy your new job as well as your day in the spotlight, you deserve it dear!

    BANDITS UNITED!
    Suzi


  • -Ink Artist-
    April 4, 2007

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    Bandits United!!

    This piece is truly dreamy! Your lines have such a subtle ease in flow and the rhyme was excellent. You have a serene tone to this piece, it gives the reader a tranquil feeling while reading. Gorgeous imagery in each line and quite the inspirational write! Always a pleasure to read your work, Tim. You are talented!


    ~Lori


  • getsbetter
    April 4, 2007

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    bandits United!!!!
    Xlnt rhymne with this write, and gives you many things I see for you to think about. I read this afew times and seemed to gather more meaning everytime I read it. beautiful job my friend. And BTW, Thank you for your absolutely beautiful picture you made, It was breathteaking...GETS


  • OnlyInMyDreams
    April 4, 2007

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    bandits United!!!! as always , you alreay know that i love your poetry, but this piece is probably one of my favorite rhyming ones. but you did a great job and i really enjoyed reading this!!

    God Bless,
    Kara


  • earthstar
    April 4, 2007

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    Bandits UInited



    As you gaze into the beauty of the night sky overhead

    Do you see your dreams flying with the stars instead?

    When you lay your head down for your nightly rest

    Do you dream your dreams, of your future quest?
    I love it message. Very uplifting to the heart and soul. The message is a treat following no dreams is a very specail message. I love your picture and the word treat it relax my spirit. Up lifted my heart.
    Great job with the words and images.
    I hope we put a smile in your step

    • Sharcu silver member
      April 4, 2007

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      Sadly, I don't remember my dreams often. But I love my "day dreams" and think that this poem still have power behind it. Glad you enjoyed it
      --Tim


  • blondone
    April 4, 2007

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    Bandits United !!!

    I found this write to be very inspirational, a lovely flow and tone makes the read enjoyable, Great take on this picture, I see this is a rewrite I will be taking a peek at the frist write...best of luck in this contest

    • Sharcu silver member
      April 4, 2007
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      Yes, the first write definitely wasn't as good, and I think if I wrote this over again now it'd be even better. Thank you very much for your comment and applauses
      --Tim


  • samueldouglas
    April 4, 2007

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    BANDITS UNITED! Good poem. I like the long lines. I like the subtle rhyme (I didn't even notice it rhymed until I was finished!) Altogether good job. Nice imagery, too!
    -Samo

    • Sharcu silver member
      April 4, 2007
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      Not really sure that the rhyme was too subtle, but I'm glad you liked it. Glad to see you being more involved in the group as well. Thanks
      --Tim

      • samueldouglas
        April 4, 2007
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        Hm...rereading it, the rhyming isn't subtle at all.
        Well, I didn't notice it the first time around. Hm...
        Kind of a pointless comment.
        But oh well.


  • ShelleyA gold member
    April 4, 2007

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    BANDITS UNITED!

    Nice title. Very good write, message and presentation. Very good imagery, flow, rhyme and tone. Lovely depth of feeling. Very good rhythm. Good word choice and descriptives. Nice metaphor and simile. Nice alliteration and assonance. A most enjoyable read.

    • Sharcu silver member
      April 4, 2007
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      Shelley, your comments are always full of love and encouargement which is why I always receive them with appreciation. Thank you
      --Tim


      • ShelleyA gold member
        April 4, 2007
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        Hi Tim. You're very welcome and my pleasure. Take care. Shelley


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    April 4, 2007

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    Bandits Unite!
    This was a charming piece! You write with great rhyme and rythmn I don't know how you do it, it's not natural to everyone. Just love the way you used imagery in your writes as well... The picture also helps to set the scene.

    • Sharcu silver member
      April 4, 2007
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      I know several poets who it probably comes more naturally to than myself. But I'm glad you liked it. I wrote this piece quite a while ago, when I was first starting to rhyme. So I think by now I've gotten a lot better, though now-a-days I don't write a lot of poetry. Thank you for your wonderful comment
      --Tim


  • Lauren Noir
    April 4, 2007

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    BANDITS UNITED!

    Beautiful, perfectly beautiful
    I love the rhyme, it works so well in this type of poem
    It flows silkily from the screen and floats around mty eyes
    So beautiful, so beautiful
    I loved the tone of it, smooth and sweet
    And I loved all the lines whihc just made me feel like I was staring up at with you could see

    If that makes any sense at all
    Love and hugs

    • Sharcu silver member
      April 4, 2007
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      Glad you enjoyed it and though it to be beautiful. Always nice to know that others enjoy reading my work. Thank you
      --Tim


  • paperparadox silver member
    April 4, 2007

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    Bandits United!

    Lovely, uplifting piece here, and this goes very nicley with the 'other-world' picture which immediately leads our imaginations into the stratosphere and beyond.

    My only pernickety bit is with the third stanza...

    'Place your hopes and dreams into to (a) world that exists above'

    Also in the third line, plural stars/singular thing:
    'For those stars are the thing that lies deep within your soul'. Maybe it's just me, but it leapt out and jumped up and down a wee bit!

    This is a lovely piece of poetry, though, and it was a pleasure to finish a hard day at work and sit down to read and enjoy this. Many thanks for sharing it .

    • Sharcu silver member
      April 4, 2007
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      I'm glad you enjoyed reading it as I very much enjoyed reading your comment that you left me. Very much appreciated and I'm glad you gave a little constructive critism as well
      --Tim


  • Spiritual Nature
    April 4, 2007

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    BANDITS UNITED! This is an excellent poem, through content, if only alone, but it is well written as well. Great job on this.


    • Sharcu silver member
      April 4, 2007
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      Thank you very much for your wonderful comment! I will always cherish it
      --Tim

  • The Pole Star
    April 4, 2007

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    BANDITS UNITED

    Wonderfully penned with the same taste I used to enjoy in your pen...I guess I came to your page really after ages and the poem- it acted as if it was a warm welcome to me.

    Anyways, I loved the way the poem was narrated here, almost an intarrogaive form...love it.

    Take Care,
    Northern Star. s

    Bandits Unite.

    • Sharcu silver member
      April 4, 2007
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      Your unique way of commenting with the out of the ordinary is what makes your comment special to me. Thank you very much and again I'm glad to have you back in the group
      --Tim


  • Polaja Greeters member
    April 4, 2007

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    Bandits United

    You did a wonderful job in making these pictures come alive for me ... Your writing style leaves nothing to be desired ... the middle stanza was my favorite, the imagery is most amazing. Beautiful write

    Stay smiling and keep writing

    Polly


    • Sharcu silver member
      April 4, 2007
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      Thank you very much, Polly Your comment is very much appreciated
      --Tim


  • LittleAnn
    April 4, 2007

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    BANDITS UNITED!

    The pictures and the quote are wonderful, and I think you did them justice with an amazing poem! The rhyming and rhythm of this piece are really good!
    This was a great write!

    Keep up the excellent work!
    Annie

    • Sharcu silver member
      April 4, 2007
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      I wrote this piece some time ago, about the time I first started rhyming all my poetry, so I'm glad everyone likes it so well. Thank you very much
      --Tim


  • Cupcrazy gold member
    April 4, 2007

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    Bandits United!!!

    Wonderful piece Sharcu, excellent form and flow and the rhythm and rhyme were spot on. Loved the thoughts in this one, encouraging and inspirational. great piece. Hugs, Bunny


    • Sharcu silver member
      April 4, 2007
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      Your wonderful encouragement on my poetry is always appreciated and loved.
      --Tim


  • My Solitude
    April 4, 2007

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    BANDITS UNITED!!!

    Wow Sharcu, this is simply breath-taking. Wonderful pictures. But what impressed me the most was the mastery with which u gave those pictures meaning and wove such a beautiful poem. I found this write to be very encouraging, something motivating. Thank you for reminding me to let my dreams soar 'among the stars'. Fantastic.
    Buddy, Bob.

    • Sharcu silver member
      April 4, 2007
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      Thank you I wrote thie poem a while back and so it means a lot to me that so many of you enjoyed it. And your applauses are appreciated as well
      --Tim


  • Idle Mind Wondering silver member
    April 4, 2007
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    ’BANDITS
    love the thought of casting dreams to the stars
    great write


    • Sharcu silver member
      April 4, 2007
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      Thank you By the way, it's "Bandits United" just for future reference. Again, thank you
      --Tim


  • Lady-Pegasus
    February 14, 2007
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    You've Just Been Hood-Winked, courtesy of Poetic Bandits

    VERY WELL DONE !!!!! I very much enjoyed the flow and tempo of this one, with its excellent magical feeling and imagery. As always the pictures are astounding!!!
    Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Peg


  • Sharcu silver member
    September 26, 2006
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    Thank you I am quite honored
    --Tim


  • tears.of.silence
    September 26, 2006
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    Very very nice. I really loved the original poem and with it being rewritten, it is even better! Very very good. THe flow and rhyme are great. Keep it up.

    Congrats you've made it in the top 5 and may have the possibility to move on to round 2. kahy


  • funpum
    September 25, 2006
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    writing poetry -that's what takes my dreams and my soul (if i have one) to the stars. Cam ein to read some of your poems after you answered one of my queries the other day. Came back today. Am interested in your page business. But being old, I find some pages too busy tobe able toread easily -and the lettering is illegible on the background, so am reluctant to ask for a wonderful and interesting new background lie i saw in your samples! enjoyed your poem, and the others that I read. i don't have many ambitions, but the ones that I had i have so far managed to attain. So i have had to find some new ones!


  • golddustgypsy09
    September 24, 2006
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    10 out of 10

    i love it.....quite inspiring....beautifully written..mysterious and beautiful.....ther is somethign defi haunting.....like a presence....lovely dahling..lol....great job thou


  • RevHead
    September 20, 2006
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    very nice loved it. great imagery, kind of relaxing. Loved it. You did a great job. Hope you do well in the comp NMNM


  • WolfHeart
    September 20, 2006
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    dreamy

    Ah, this is pretty. You did a lovely job. The moon is special to me and I dream of what lies beyond the horizon and the stars. I love this, dear.
    hugs Wolfie


  • Ragan
    September 19, 2006
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    I loved it. This inspired me to write a poem about what I was thinking yesterday while I was in the pasture. I heard a sound not many people can hear and I felt a feeling that not many people can feel. I'm gonna go write it now. I'll call it....................................................................................................................................................The Best Things in the World. No...............................................um..............................The Things nobody Can imagine. I give up. I'll use that one. I think-I know- you'll love it.

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