You are the rocks of my foundation
The cornerstone of my entire life,
The scaffolding that I stand on
I'm glad you chose me as your wife.
You layed the bricks to our bright future
The cement is our soulmate life,
The hardened concrete, the sidewalk of love
I'm so glad that you chose me as your wife.
The tiles laid down for our love
Are placed in a pretty row shaped like a heart,
The rafters keep us upbeat
And the drywall is our marriage beginning to start.
This building of love we have built together
Is earthquake proof, ready for anything,
Every window is a thought about you
For I love you so much, my darling.,
Author notes
What our love is built on.
Written September 19th, 2006
A contest entry
- For those with no Trohies THREE PART CONTEST! by Miss Faerie.
300 points, ended September 26, 2006, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show Me The Love by Dark Whispers.
455 points, ended May 26, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Quick Contest by PoetrysAngel2041.
450 points, ended July 17, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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What a lovely beautiful poignant poem here you have penned,it touches the heart of the reader who believe love is built on this and I like the title,very creative,Regards,Hazel.
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Personally i think it is fine the way it is. I can't find anything wrong with it. It touches the heart for those who believe this is what love is built on. You did a wonderful job. Keep up the Great Work!
ScarletFox
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wow what a wonderful poem written from the heart i was surprised to see you didnt win any trophys on this piece because to me its a winner keep that pen flowing and i will keep on reading
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i really liked this poem i liked the rhyming system and enjoyed the vivid use of words and images portrayed, it is a unique write and reads really well, well done x
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the metaphor you used in this poem was great. Uniquely written, wonderfully written. thanks for entering.
~Dark -
I too liked the metaphor you used in these lines - sentiments well expressed, thoughts easy to read and understand in the verses-flows well too,
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I repeated that due to my hubby putting that in a song he wrote about me, and I fixed earthquake. thank you for bringing it to my attention. And thanx so much for the great review!\\\\\\\\POETDONTKNOWIT................
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I liked reading this, it is a beautiful tribute to a love that quite clearly sustains you.
My thoughts are, that you shouldn't repeat "I'm so glad you chose me as your wife." It makes the poem seem forced.
Also in the last stanza earthquake is spelt wrong
Thanks for entering and good luck
Faerie x
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I THANK YOU FOR YOUR INPUT! I'M GLAD TO FIND AN HONEST POET!
''''''''''''''''''''POETDONTKNOWIT................. -
I loved this piece ... but since your asking for a critical review there was one line that stopped the flow for me...this one...
Every window is a thought about you
I don't even know what it is about this but I read it with this in it's place and it made more sense to me...
Every window, an insight to you.
I think it is that window metaphor that got me...you think of a window as looking through instead of thinking through...I don't know...anyway even with the window in place I still loved this piece. It was such a tender and loving tribuite to your spouse.
Keep writing dear, you do it well
Hugs, Suzi
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THANX NORMAN FOR REVIEWING AND BEING HONEST. I LIKE THAT!
==========POETDONTKNOWIT=========== -
great metaphor, really struck home how you feel about your marriage and husband, a couple that writes together, stays together.
i dint like the last line of the first two stanza's, it seemd a little backward to me.
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