breakdown

i want to destroy all beauty,
smash it into a million tiny pieces.
Wouldn't it be great to photograph the world
i would turn all the smiles to frowns if i could.
i ran away to Thailand, i found those laughing Buddha statues
i couldn't bear to see them happy
i want to give the world a paper cut,
soak it in brine and roll it in lye,
to watch it writhe in agony.
but sometimes i wonder why i am still alive
why i haven't taken my feelings out on myself
why i haven't killed myself yet
then i remember her,
and i know why i survive