It’s only awkward until it becomes deadly,
Everything is this way between you and me.
You left a long, deep scar running across my heart.
Talking to you again is like ripping the scar off,
and pouring salt in the wound.
“Haven't you learned;
There's no way to take back those words.
Damage dealt is damage done.”
Eat your own words.
They’re better meant for you.
Logic.
Nothing is logical- when you’re involved.
Logic.
Nothing is logical in this cruel world.
And as I say- some things are better of unsaid.
Likewise, some people are better off dead.
Isn’t this where we started?
Emo me cutting my emo wrist.
And loser you crying?
It’s only awkward until it becomes deadly,
Then it’s perfect.
Author notes
Please please please comment!!!
I'd love to know your opionion on my first REAL freeverse poem.
Written September 18th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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very good. i loved the emotion!-hayley
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i like this it sounds very heartfelt.
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good write ... it seems perfect ... maybe it has passed the awkward phase ...
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I like the repetition of the first line. A lot. In free-verse poetry, it's always necessary to have devices in play other than rhyme/meter. Regardless of what people say, there has to be some technique in poetry. Even when you don't realize you're doing it.
Also the repition of "Logic" ... I hate logic. It has no place in any romance or emotion. And yet sometimes it can save you such heartbreak... I love the way you mention it here.
The quotes are all questionmarks, that could be fixed to look better. I really like this piece, actually.
"Eat your own words" isn't an extraordinarily strong phrase. It's based upon cliché and there's a chance it may never be effectively used again. And this part is rather accusatory in nature... it's bordering on blaming an ex-lover for one's own suicide by the end of the poem, whereas at the start it was better expressing real emotions felt during a break-up, with which readers can identify.
All in all, I enjoyed reading this, and am glad that it was on the handy-dandy shameless promotion list... that's my favorite place to find things to read.
Thanks for sharing, and keep writing
- Paz -
Great 1st freeverse write! I'm a terrible romanticist and I love the whole Romeo and Juliet dying for love thing...I don't think I'd ever do it myself (have contemplated, but never would) but unfortunately, the idea is really appealing for myself (though not if others acted upon it...) Great job!
Crystylheart
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i don't like the idea of people dying or killing them selves over love...yet the phrase 'it's only awkward until it becomes deadly' is catchy and makes sense.
your poem is interesting and kept my interest till the end. for your first free verse i think you've done pretty well
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