The beat was lodge party and mostly techno,
I had just started up my fungus eyes
(Another dealer dealt dealing) at this trendy rave
When Indian girl (Perhaps Algonquin) -
- Steals kiss in wet November
Hers is a smile cinnamon graham cracker
Laughter in rainbows, breath, all strawberry milk
Sharp beet red lips under emeralds over-
- Wide olive breasts, tall, not skinny
A new age Pocahontas, you even put
up with the plastic bag windows
in my not so thunderbird coupe
What is it with strong women?
But perhaps another chance at being -
- broken under the hips of such a rare mare
To play the fool to a doe eyed girl
Not for fame or money, but time -
- Everlasting, and the richness of filled spaces
spent stealing beauty in this most risky
of foreign places, the wilds of love
You told me that there is no need to lie
And yet I still do, and where are you?
When this sky should be blue the most.
Author notes
Written September 18th, 2006
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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it's a bit hard to read against the background
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lots of flavor and colors which fits perfectly together. Perfection, what a love story
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excellent expression. favorite moments: my fungus eyes;Hers is a smile cinnamon graham cracker
Laughter in rainbows, breath, strawberry milk;Sharp beet red lips under emeralds over
Wide olive breasts;richness of filled spaces;where are you?
When this sky should be blue the most. nice
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can't read on background
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i like!
very well done,you captured romance really well and modern,but not trashy at all.good job!
-r.a.w. -
Wow. I just really like this one. It's just so, I don't know? It's like a modern romance or something. It's in the here and now of today. And it's like an everyday love. It could happen to anyone. What guy wouldn't love to have some woman come right up and kiss him square on the lips! I love that part. It makes me smile. And I like how you show how you fell right over for her because you talk about her have cinnamon and grahman crakers for smile and just all sorts of sweetness. It's just very romantic and even guy style mushy and I just get such a kick out of that! I think this is my favorite piece I've ever read! Not just of yours, but period!
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Wow. I know I've seen this poem before. Didn't I comment? That's weirdo. Oh well. I guess I'll just comment now. Did you know that it's kind of hard to read this with the picture? The picture is really cool looking and great but it makes it hard to read. I had to highlight the whole thing.
But I think that it's worth it because this was a really great piece of yours! 
Being a woman I have to tell you that it's one of my favorite subjects! LOL A girl never gets tired of hearing the L word, unless her man's just trying to use it to get out of trouble. Then there gonna be fire on the home front! 
This don't sound like that though. More like you're reminicing or something when she came up and caught you just like that! How exciting! A woman ballz enough to come right up and kiss you! I don't know. You can be pretty mean! Are you really sure it happened? 
Oh I'm just playing with you though. So don't get mad. Seriously though, this was a beautiful piece. I loved how you wrote it. All the details and the images and everything... just wow, you know? Like that line about being broken under her hips. Is that like saying that you give yourself to her completely? That's so romantic if that was what you were saying. But then I don't get why you would say you're still lying to her. That doesn't make sense. And I don't think the line about her not being skinny was very nice either. I think I'd be mad if you said that to me! lol I don't know though. I really loved this one. I think I'll have to bookmark it so I can come remember to read it again. You did a great job of expressing your heart on this one. I hope you showed it to her and that you two are happy together! Otherwise... Can I have you? 
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You told me that there is no need to lie
And yet I still do, and where are you?
When this sky should be blue the most.
This last line makes the poem for me- one of those lines that live long after the reader is done- i know this man- i swear i do-
i really like this piece- your imagery here was especially strong-
m -
merely highlight the poem and it reads easy.
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I think I'd like this if I could read it. The background is overwhelming!
D -
Hip Daddy-o
Jack K. would be proud, werewolf.
I mean real cool. -
wow, brilliant to say the least.
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this was hard to read due to the color of the wording on top of the picture. i liked the poem though. Your wording was excellent. I am glad I read it. Thanks for sharing. Keep up the great work. Best of wishes to you. good luck in all that you do....peace always in all ways. You rock....
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Wow - vibrant - vivid - background - or foreground - hard to tell which - need we decide? The words are as vibrant - wonderfully put together!
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excellent
Stop me if I keep on clapping on your effort.Hey, you write really good... I really enjoyed the language and suspense in this..
The ending was excellent...Never stop writing...Why aren't you more frequent in submissions... thank you for a most enjoyable read Did you read anything from me on this site?
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Jeremi... ♥
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wow! Fantastic! it was hard hitting and just wonderful. It touched me, good job!
--You have just been Dented-- -
I could sense the psychoactive chemicals running in your veins from the last piece I read of yours, and now you have confirmed it .
How's tweak the parrot doing? I hope that's a real parrot.
Hey, Hey, do you know why you're laughin'? Because heaven's in a cow's ass!!!
Seriously though, really excellent write here. Vivid ode to the beauty of a woman made technicolor by the beauty of interactive
fungus.Thx -
this is a vivid image for a background but it matches the vivid poem you put here. and it wasn't hard to read if
you just hightlight it first, just like women, easy to read if you know how. good job with this. -
I love the background (along with your explaination of the diffculty in reading the words against it). You create a really cool earthy feel that really brings this feeling into a new light. I definitely agree with vanteya about this being both vague and vivid, and I really like that in poetry. Great job, and I hope you do well in the contest!
~Christy -
yes, you have to high light it. I made it hard to read because women are hard to read.
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"fungus eye" deserves applause it itself, and the whole works great.
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Well written
very contemporary. Has a sort of modern chaos to it yet it's meditative & deep, it's vivid & stii feels very vague. Still trying to understand how you got that effect. The background kinda made it hard to read though. -
Great write . Nice structure. This came together well.
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intricately and beautifully written. a masterpiece.
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excellent
True cross sectional analysis.Philosophical moorings dug in deep.Very good structure...and an interesting poem that kept me reading You know how to deliver your story. . ... Did you read anything from me on this site? -
i love the earthy vibe of this poem, gives it very natural and sensual feel too, this is very nice excellent job. Please check out some of my poetry,i would love to get some feed back from you.
Much love
S/Zero -
Good work. I want plastic bag windows. They sound cool. I want my windows to be made out of plastics bags. Sorry I love that line PLASTIC BAG WINDOWS! I shall shout it. Good work. Bravo on a job well done.
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Meditation my arse... this is what I need... reading this just sent 3 tons of bitterness floating away. Perfect... you genius!
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this piece is amazing !! so earthy , so very beautiful..i find that i like it....you showed much vulnerability and sensitivity here i like that..well done!!
jamila yadira -
I love it.
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