Crystal Tears fall from my heart,
Each, pierce my soul like a scornful dart.
Clutching my chest and bearing everything all with an open mind,
believing in the better days to come all the time.
Always falling short of happiness is what I'm destined to do,
but still starting fresh each day, my mind rejuvenated and new.
Reality is not where i wish to live,
instead , retreat within the walls of a different one i have did.
Only peering out at everyone else, observing once in a while,
makes me reach for that fatal looking vial.
In the garbage it goes each time i grab it,
never defeated will i admit.
Walking on each day down the eternal road of myself,
all my troubles and worries go unseen, hidden away on a secret shelf.
Then tucked away into a little secret box,
bolted away by a thousand and one locks.
Only when it becomes over flowing once in a blue moon,
shall i return and enter that room.
Feelings and emotions are the down fall of humanity,
that's why i cover mine up with smiles and profanity.
Author notes
Written September 17th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This is good! Shows a real vulnerability you have in letting anyone very close to your heart because it's protected well. Nice job with the flow and word choice was great also! Loved this!
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Tres tres magnifique! Seems like everyone liked the last two lines as well as I! Nicely put Tasha =P
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"Feelings and emotions are the down fall of humanity,
that's why i cover mine up with smiles and profanity."
that last line is amazing! so striking and true.
im not incredibly fond of some of your lines
"crystal tears" falling from your "heart" and piercing your "soul"
your troubles hidden in a
"little secret box
bolted away by a thousand and one locks"
"that fatal looking vial."
i feel perhaps if you used everyday common "gritty" details and gave them new significance they would sink a lot deeper and be easier to connect to, instead of more distant and abstract and "poetic." i think this is part of what makes the last line so amazing and powerful.
also i think the inversion and manipulating of words to fit the rhyme is just too strained and weakens this at times.
"retreat within the walls of a different one i have did."
"never defeated will i admit."
sorry to be so harsh. i feel you reveal a great deal of insight and understanding of yourself, and also a great deal of strength and hope and perseverance. i think this definetly has potential... a little more concise and a little more concrete and this could be beautiful.
and that last line... wow.
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Thank you lovely. Yea i was feeling so mixed up when i wrote this like a 4 am that day *sighs* I love you Aims. If i haven't ever told you that before i am now. Your such a great friend and inspirational person. To me you are my muse. *huggles*
Oh btw its a guy this time. *nods* I'm leave the girls a lone for a while cuz they are too much drama *nods*!
Oh wait i already told you about him at the dance. lol yea. He is perfect....and nothing but a god damn dream out of my reach *sighs* Yeah. Take care babe!
Natasha -
Mira chica! There are some lines I really like in this poem, especially the last two. The poem as a whole is kinda disorganized, it covers at least three different topics, but that's okay. It expresses something about yourself, and a lot of other people too. Don't let yourself get down, chica.=P Life gets hard, but that just means it'll get easier. When you hit rock bottom, the only place left to go is up. I'm glad you are doing good at Ramey. Seems like a good school, 'specially for you. Just kick back and relax, drool over your boy(s)/girl(s) and be happy. Cuidate y tqm
Amy
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