she mumbled in vain
he stumbled on her
leaving indelible stain
Author notes
Written September 17th, 2006
A contest entry
- Pixiku or Haiku or Senryu. Up to you. by SEA angel.
300 points, ended September 18, 2006, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 25 Words Or Less - Prewrites Allowed!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
450 points, ended January 2, 2008, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Discipline, Design, Daring (5) by JM Kenyon.
900 points, ended August 30, 2008, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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i'm disturbed...because a bad image came in my head of violence...i don't really understand why! great write...love the form.
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Never knew the clear difference between senryus, haikus and whatnot. Anyway...this is a nice senryu. Simple but speaks volumes. Thanks for adding to my renga Dreaming Dreams, by the way.
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Whether Senryu or Pixiku...good nonethless
Though abstract, these are powerfully good words. Not sure if a contemporary senryu as I think has to have a syllable count of
5 or less
7 or less
5 or less
And last line has more than five syllables. Nonetheless an excellent Pixiku. Unsure if senryu since last line has 7 syllables.
Edited on Sep 17, 10:06 because ''.
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