Death has come and you have gone
Now sorrow has settled in
And I am left to carry on
But were do I begin
To lose a child no words can express
My hopeless days of loneliness
I remember you as a little child
You had the sweetest smiles
And year by year I would watch you grow.
In to the woman I have come to know.
You were taken before your time.
It was Gods but it wasn't mine.
In the end Gods will was done .
You have gone to be with your baby son .
The two little ones you have left behind.
In there eyes your light still shines.
Author notes
In loving memory of my daughter nicky died 2004 age 27
Written September 16th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- 2nd Contest! Dark, or Sad!! by xox-lankan-xox.
550 points, ended December 28, 2006, 59 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Painful Existence?? tell me more... by hopelessly-broken.
450 points, ended February 25, 2007, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Lost Contest by Andu.
700 points, ended March 1, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Meritocracy Blues by neoprose.
772 points, ended May 4, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~*~*~*Dark Rhyming Poetry*~*~*~(6 Options) by anguish.
400 points, ended May 18, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - l0ST, AL0NE, SCARED. by s p i r i t song.
300 points, ended May 30, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - poems of loss by Honeydew.
430 points, ended June 19, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options! Prewrites allowed! by reckless abandon.
390 points, ended July 14, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - How did you start / Can you remember? Show me ! by tarcus.
600 points, ended January 17, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Wanna Feel Your Pain by slippingofftheedge.
300 points, ended August 15, 2008, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Beautiful words and all from the heart but i wonder if you are yet ready to try and improve it?
By taking these exact words as you have written them and rearanging into a different format the feelings (for me at least) could be even better expressed.
By now you may be just that little bit better of a poet and be able to do this .
Hope you dont mind the comment i mearly try to help.
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This is nicely written, it's a great poem for your daughter. Thank you so much for sharing this in the contest!
-KP] -
this is a lovely poem..nicky would really love this...so sorry for your loss..its really beautiful..thank you for sharing this.hugs honeydew
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Very good, nice flow and rhyme scheme, good luck ing the contest
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The rhythm seemed to pool into each ender rhyme, which takes away from the structural relation/contextual outline of the intention behind the poem. It was darkly by context but I could feel the emotion or evolution of the poem and the persona. Maybe a technical tweaking could help you visualise your poem.
Desciptive stanza and imagery helps a heap.
I will be keeping this in my mind when I read the rest.
Good Luck! -
This was sad but it exspressed your loss.I'm sorry you lost your Daughter did you lose a young one too?It's hard for two little ones to be left behind.My cousins wife passed away this Sept she was 47 she had 2 older children from 1 marriage but the second one she left behind 2 little twin girls they will be 9 next month.their mommy died of cancer. my dad died Oct 16/05. death just tears you apart.i've lost o many people in the last 3 years.God bless you and I hope you can find peace.time will heal our pain and loss.atleast we hope so. thanks for sharing.Brenda
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Thanks
I did lose another child but it was my grand child in the past two years i have lost my daughter and husband.I think god is keeping
me from going mad .But i am worried about my other two kids they are taken things bad.Thanks for your kind words and god bless you
too.
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First off, i'm really sorry for your loss, it must be really hard to loose a child.
Your sorrow has really come forward through this poem, together with your love for your daughter. Very nicely written, well done. Thanks for entering this into my contest, and good luck -
very well writtin and i love this poem i know from heart how hard it is to loose a daughter beautiful poem and great writting
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i am so sorry... i felt your pain. im kind of the oposite to u, i lost my mother. anyway, stay strong, XoXoXoX
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Excellent
I am so very sorry for your loss.
I know from above, she watches over you with love.
This is a beautiful tribute and dedication for your daughter.
I know she would be proud.
Keep up with the great work.
Keep on penning.
*S* Cynthia
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First may I say that I'm very very sorry for your loss, and that' I can in a way relate except it was my mother and 2 sisters that passed away when I was 9. 4 years have passed since then and it's hard. Second may I just say...wow! This poem was very well written, and I couldn't write a poem as good as this even if I was given a year to write it! Thanks so much for entering my contest and good luck! Your a wonderful poet! My favorite lines in this poem was
"
In the end gods will was done .
You have gone to be with your baby son .
The two little ones you have left behind.
In there eyes your light still shines." Thanks again and take care!
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Nice Job!!
Very deep, Thanks for thenice comment you wrote me. You may want to make the background a lighter color it is very har to read at least for me but then I'm older. Still nice job and thanks again -
Good
Very sad... but written well.
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