your fingers still linger on this skin
made me believe that I was a sin
I sill can not look past
everything happened so God DAMN fast
as your parents slept next door...
My innocence hit the floor
you took everything away
I never knew what to say
I knew someone had walked in
nothing equals to the fear that was within
I couldn't see who stood above me
acting asleep has come with a painful fee
The room was pitch black...
I was waiting to be woken by a sharp smack
every car that drove past allowed a brief look
lights flickering on and off ... I wanted to be shook
it came to me after a few tries...
I couldn't believe my eyes
I had just meet you...
who had a clue
My body in shock I lay there frozen
WHY THE HELL WAS I CHOSEN
how could she lay there next to me
why didn't she see?
My friend ... your sister!!!
you were never going to fucking tell her
you left the truth telling to me
But she would never see...
she did not believe a word
is this so GOD DAMN absurd!!!
I was the victim and you the villan
the next day came ... you sat there chillin'
I began to confront you that day...
you avoided me ... what!?! had nothing to say?
when you confessed you tried to do it once more
but this time you knew I was awake ...and I knew my lore
I pushed you away...
didn't want to FUCKING play
what you did was not so mild
you molested a little FUCKING child
twelve FUCKING years old
heart grown so cold
get out of my head leave me alone...
the memories in my mind are always being shown
when your sister started to believe the story
she still was not sorry...
because when she confronted you you sat there lyin'
what the FUCK is wrong with you RYAN???
I fell asleep and thought I was safe there
but you stood over me and you would stare
I didn't even know you a day...
and you were already fingering me as I lay
undid my pants and pulled off my top
I wanted you to stop...
moved down and took a lick
you thought I was asleep, YOU'RE SO FUCKING SICK
You invaded
with your body You penetrated
tongue... lips... and fingers
in my mind it all still lingers
You don't even care ... you were sixteen
didn't give a shit what I had felt or seen
I meant NOTHING to you that day
bet you still have nothing to say
You will deny deny DENY
never FUCKING cry
you will never EVER try
and YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE... AS TIME GOES BY
Author notes
I was molested by ms best friends’ stepbrother when I had just met him that day. It happened when I was 12. I am now 17. It still bothers me. Some times when I am in a dark room I get flashbacks. That is partially why I wrote this. I know that other people have had horrible thing happen to them. I wish I could say it has only happened to me but it hasn’t. So this is to all those people that think they are alone … YOUR NOT. I am here and so are others. If you need to talk I am here and I love to listen. Plus I can empathize with a lot of things
Written June 29th, 2006
* War
* Pain
* Friends
* Damned
* Death
- Rape Victims group list • next in list
A contest entry
- ? Scare me.... Depress me... ? by Momma Majeski.
300 points, ended November 14, 2006, 18 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me Feel Something by Kristin Melissa.
525 points, ended April 28, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All or nothing kids by lust in a grenade.
306 points, ended May 25, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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speechless
wow. i am speechless. I can relate so much to this, and I'm so sorry that this happend to you. It's good to know that I'm not alone. I've been through somewhat the same thing, actually just recently, and it haunts me every god damn day of my life. I have a bunch of anger, sadness, and fear. I hate it so much. I hope that as time goes by for you, the flashbacks dont come back as vivid. Im hoping that for me, they will eventually begin to fade. I have one question for you...How do you keep on living with this? thats the one question I always ask myself, and the truth is I can't live with this. It tears me up everyday. anyway great write. I really love this poem, and its one of my bookmarks. your a good writer. keep on writing, and good luck. -
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I am sad to hear what you went through but I look at it as a strengthening experience. I never beloved people when they said that but it is true. I now see what happened to me as a way to talk and help other people. I am very open and willing to talk about what happened. I no longer have trouble saying “I was raped.” It is better to talk about what happened than to keep it in and dwell. The only thing I can say to your question is… I can live with what happened because my past is my past. I look to what is to come. I know that I can not change what happened… I can only look forward to my life that is to come.
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this poem is posted as erotic so i must remove it, sorry. thx for entering and feel free to enter again. =)
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damn, this is fucking amazing its so descriptive and ya i dont know what to say about the situation other than i understand it happened to me when i was eight and i had to live with the asshole for four more years so ya if you ever need someone to talk to about nething hit me up
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awww this was such a sad write and i can relate to this all to well and know the pain you write about and feel if you ever need to talk im here and
keep writting your very talented and good luck in the contest
XTashaX -
This is wow... I'm left spechless, it's unreal what people will do... People are jsut sick!! I am so sorry that happened to you... I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy... Good job at writeing thought...
Good luck
~*~ Mystic -
So sad, I can relate, especially with the anger. One thing I know is, I will not let what happened to me consume me, ya know? I have my fellow survivors and my own inner strength.
Thank you for posting your story, it was beautifully written and hauntingly portrayed.
Elisa
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wow
I'm was really sorry to read this hun, I'm sorry you've had to cope with so much.
It meant a lot to me, I was sexually abused by my friends brother, though I was sligthly older than you. I think it's good to write about it and let others know what some people can be like. You're really brave for doing so.
Brilliant write in itself, I'm just sorry you had to experience that in order to produce it.
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fuck yeah, lyrics if im not mistaken! awesomely descriptive, as usual. i think this might be one of my favorites that you have written. im out of gremlins but ill pay for em...
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oh yeah, do you know how to change your display name on this thing? people are harassing meh! EHHH!
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absolutely beautifully descriptive. this piece is sooo captivating, but such a dreadful event.
I sorry that you had to go through that.
anyways, amazing write. you really captivated me with this.
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WOW!
I'm so sorry I didn't know you shouldn't have ever had to go through that and you have a right to be angry about it he should have known better. He's so fucking sick and it makes my skin crawl knowing he could be doing that to other girls and that you still have to deal with this issue to this day. Your piece was so powerful and I could feel that hurt and pain that come with that experience and it made me mad, and I wanted to cry. This was truly one of the most powerful and most beautiful piece I've read in a while and that's from my heart and I wanted you to know that and again I'm so sorry and I hope that things are going better for you these days and with Evilsofa!
Great Write as always.
Your sis
Trixie *heart*
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omg.. i feel terrible..! ppl like that should be shot dead..! there is no excuse for abusin a child..!!!
u r brave to write about somethin like this.. im honoured that u shared...
Nice write.. the word is villan not villin.. other than that the poem is gr8..!
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It would do well without the cursing. :3
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You were right, I really enjoyed reading your poem
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Tragically Lyrical
Wow, this actually made me really, really sad. So much anger and sadness. It was like a wave of emotions. It's well written and you rhymed well. I applaude you for being able to write about that experience. I cannot even begin to comprehend what that must have been like and I applaude you for you're courage to write about it. Also, brownie points on the caps for the words you wanted to emphasize. All I have to say is wow...just wow. -
I am truly sorry for what happened to you at the age of 11. It is truly sad to hear about others who can relate. But you seem strong today and that is great for you... some times I wish I could say the same about me. Um on the comment about correct grammar I never use the word 'bunny' and I only use damn three times in this poem plus two time when I say it I am saying “GOD DAMN" and nothing else would really fit to express my true feelings. But none the less I strongly appreciate the fact that you took the time to tell me your opinion and to try to correct errors that you see to me taking away from my poem. Thank you for your kind comment and I wish you the best of luck in life.
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Umm well what can I say? Its amazingly written and the words you used were fantastic. It so bunnyin stupid wat some people would do. And I mean to a 12 year old child. I am 12 myself and I have always been scared about my own stepbrother doing that to me but lucky I dont see him anymore. It just fills me with a deep feeling of sickness and digust even when I read about something like that happening. I have a feeling of pain for you and I am so so deeply sorry that such a disgusting thing has happened to you so many times over. Sorry, I am straying from the poem abit. Its just having something like that happen to you then everyone not even believe you must be even worse. I cant understand the full pain of this poem and I hope that I never will and other people will never have to either but for you and those few unlucky poeple i feel deep deep sorrow. Ok well just so you know if you knew someone to talk to I am always here.
~Just A Difter
Edited on Oct 18, 3:12 because 'cause'. -
I know how you feel when you said "i fight everyday to have some control of my life and alot of the time i lose the fight" I try so hard to have control over my life but mostly my thoughts. Though normally I can't help but think about all the thing that have happened to me I try to look at is as though it has made me stronger and developed my way of thinking. Plus if what happened to me didn’t happen I wouldn’t be able to let you and others know that you’re not alone. The pain will never go away for people like unfortunately but we have to move on. Heck even today I thought about how I couldn’t believe all the horrible things that have happened to me but I went to school and smiled to make things seem better and because I went on with my life I read what you said and it helped me feel better because you are still here and you are living with it like I am. I try and try to make myself believe that it is just in the past but the problem is that the memories are now. But I guess that is how everything works… even the good.
It is always nice to talk to someone about your problems and feelings. I am always here to help someone. So if you would like to talk … I AM and WILL BE here for you.
Love
Just another stranger
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thank you so much for letting me read this my dad did this to me from the time i was three until a few years ago then raped me a few weeks ago and nobody believes me i fight everyday to have some control of my life and alot of the time i lose the fight but it makes me work harder when i hear of young ppl who are fighting and coming out on top ty
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well done you for this its hot with rage and i say be angry! beautifully written though! very amazing and well done for still holding fire inside to fight! fight fight against the dying of the light! hold on to that passion, then you'll go far but that creep will always be unhappy!
WELL DONE !!!! -
Blatant and angry. I can feel your anger and hate you have a gorgeous darkness in ur words
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omg...this i so powerful and full of emotion. I love this so such. Very good word use and very amazing write
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