I’ll tell you the tale of Mr Binks, a shy and quiet man,
Who lived in the shadow all his life of his capable sister, Anne.
Now it happened one winter in ’53 as the snow sparkled crystalline blue,
That Anne had taken to her bed with a terrible case of the ‘flu.
Poor Mr Binks did the best he could with cups of herbal tea,
And he searched all through the cottage for a miraculous remedy.
But the days went by and stocks ran low, and Anne grew very much worse;
He listened in awestruck horror to her babble, wail and curse.
He thought of his plight if she died in the night and he had done nothing to save her,
So he heated some oil and camphor ~ though he knew she hated the flavour.
She screamed and thrashed and cried at him as he entreated her to swallow,
And kept a vigil by her bed throughout the night to follow.
By dawn’s first light he spoke her name and gently stroked her head.
And satisfied, he nodded. Sister Anne was safely dead.
Author notes
The very first poem I posted on AP... 
In a list
A contest entry
- There's a First for Everything... by Lamia.
800 points, ended April 13, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Versatile Poetry Round 2! by EmbraceTheJourney.
550 points, ended August 6, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 52 of 52
-
I thought as I read it that one didn't normally drink camphor oil then of course all became clear. Cleverly written good rhyme and scansion
-
Good Luck!
This just tickled me! Thanks for entering!
~Tabitha -
x
-
Oh wow. Strangely compelling!
-
fun
ha! the poem is well proportioned with darkness and humor, and a nice touch of the elegiac. -silverfish
-
Bandits United!!
Oh My Word~ this is quite a unique piece of Dark verse but Kudos for it being Your first ~ anddddd
with tight rhyme~ Woot! Powerful imagery I must say- Bravo!!!
I'm scared to see my first poem
Keep that quill dancing too
Thank You for sharing Your Talent
Best wishes in all You do
with love & light~ Desire~*~
-
Bandits United oh YES!
Giggling here over this poem that has really tickled my poor heart.
I love your humor and think you ended this poem magnificently!
-
Bandits United
Quite amusing to be certain! Well done.
-
Bandits United
I love to read prose or poetry that takes me by surprise. I was captivated by your devoted hero and the ending was a kick in the shorts. I have read how your poetry has grown and developed in the ensuing years, but I still think this one stands the test of time. Peace, Liz
-
Bandits United
I thought that this was well written and I enjoyed it. I urge you to write more often because you held my interest throughout and it is not often that I read something in this style on this site. Cheers
-
Bandits United!
Well written with humor & a macabre twist. 
-
BANDITS UNITED
In Mr. Binks case you can't win them all.---In your case you did a bang up job. I really enjoyed it to the end-although I did think she would make it.
The story will live on an it is so cute -
BANDITS UNITED
In Mr. Binks case you can't win them all.---In your case you did a bang up job. I really enjoyed it to the end-although I did think she would make it.
The story will live on an it is so cute -
BANDITS UNITED
In Mr. Binks case you can't win them all.---In your case you did a bang up job. I really enjoyed it to the end-although I did think she would make it.
The story will live on an it is so cute
-
Bandits United
Wow this is the first piece that you posted on here. Well like Dennis said...this is absolutely wonderful. I love the rhyming as well. And a very comical yet kinda sad little piece. Keep it up dear Bandit and great job.
Always write from the heart
Never give up
Kate
-
BANDITS UNITED!!
What an excellent poem to start your AP reign as a great story teller and keen observer of human nature. This poem reminded me of all the great Alfred Hitchcock movies, beguiling the depths and dark places found in ordinary people who all have a snapping point. Well done dear poet, not all of us made such a grand entry here at AP, my own humble start as an example...LOL
Write on dear poet, Write On!
You have been Spotlighted by your Bandit family today because WE CARE!
Brother Dennis 
-
Bandits United!
What a wonderfully sad yet comical piece of poetry. You capture quite a depth to the characters in this piece and I always love that. Beautifully done. Lovely also to see the first things people ever posted!
-
Bandits United!
I didn't expect the ending which surprised me. This is an amusing poem that is delightful to read. You create a sense of horror at the end which makes you want to read the whole poem through again to see if you missed something. Best of luck in the contest
-
BANDITS UNITED ! !
A very cleverly written poem rhymes and flows well
the story was a little puzzling though,why did he do his best to cure her with herbal teas then poisoned her even though he didnt know what he would do without her because he lived in her shadow.
Bye and large the poem was excellently structured
Well Done ! ! !
-
BANDITS UNITED!!!
Ha ha, thanks for the laugh, what a nice twist you gave it at the end.
~Titia~
-
Bandits United
Chuckle Chuckle, Knowing your penchant for the twister, all the way through I wondered what this one would be, Worth the wait though perfectly
Paperparadoxically hilarious, and move over Pam.
-
Bandits United!
Well, I'm glad she died in safety - LOLOLOL
Story with a very funny twist at the end. The rhyme rocks, the rhythm rolls. Great poem!
-
BANDITS UNITED!
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! WOWzer... WHat a funny poem this is. I love poems like this with a surprise ending. You started out with a BANG on this site, I would say quite sincerely. lol BRAVO!
-
Bandits United!
A unique and beautifully written poem - I enjoyed every word. Thankyou so much for sharing!
♥ Maria ♥
-
BANDITS UNITED
What a creepy twist a the end. I totally wasn't expeting that. I loved it.
-
Bandits United!
What an unusal poem; I am haunted by the darkness in it [in a good way of course] - the flow of rhyme makes this easy to read and quite enjoyable. Awesome write
♥
Stay safe
~Manda
-
Bandits United!!!
This is quite sad, but I do see the slightly humourous note in it as well. I am sure it was also a relief to Mr. Binks, to not have to live in his sisters 'capable shadow' anymore either! Wonderful work on this!
-
BANDITS UNITED!
Wow, what a tale in that poem. It was your first one posted, that means it is very special indeed. I loved it!
-
Bandits United!
This is a great poem although I would love to know what happened to him afterwards - maybe it is time for a sequel I enjoyed this lots!
Polly
-
Bandits United!
Honestly I am laughing, and yes well...er sad too! I had thought it might be boring, but far from! This was your first write...and you were going to delete it? Glad you didn't! We would be missing Mr. Binks!
Keep penning, dear!
reading!
-
BANDITS UNITED
Wow my first write on here was not this good lol I think I deleted it haha thanks for sharing best to you always be well.
-
BANDITS UNITED
Great work.
-
As is my want I like to pop back on a poet on my list and see how they started off on AP What a joy to do so in this case. It sets the tone for all that i have read from you so far.Wonderful little kick at the end I think i have mentioned it to you before love that moment when you realize the whole piece is something completely different to what you imagined
Excellent
Doh i have just realised that i had read this before
only when i was stopped rating it My mind is going -
Wow. That's... er... creepy. Lol.
-
I like it. I love poems that twist at the end. Those are always enjoyable. Excellent rhyming and rhythm...two things that are a challenge for most (myself among them).
Well done and very entertaining.
Thank you for entering my contest and good luck
-
You bad.
I like it. -
this is pretty good.
crimson -
Thank you for entering my humble little contest I am enjoying this one alot - I hope you had as much fun entering as I am reading all the different entries! I am really getting some good stuff this time around
ps - I LOVE the rythm to this poem! You must have read my mind when I posted this contest! Very much what I was looking for! -
Great poem Good Luck In the Contest
-
This is excellent. From start to finish.Love the ending. Good luck in my contest.
-
This made me gasp - I wasn't expecting that ending! Very good indeed, excellent rhyme scheme and imagery to tell this hilarious story.
-
Thought I'd pop in and see some of your Humorous stuff This is the first one I have read so far and I have to say I love your style I do so like a poem that gives the reader a kick up the bum at the end Just when they think they have worked out what is likely to happen an last line throws it all out of the window An excellent finish to this one. I move on
-
Glad you pointed it out as I hadn't been back to this one to check the layout. I've changed the background to a solid colour now and it fits better. Thanks again!
-
Thanks...I'll have a fiddle around with it.
-
a good piece here from your pen as i am coming to expect though i was a little distracted here, not by any fault of yours but by the site border not fitting your poem in. maybe breaking the lines in half so it doesn't spill over? it would not affect the flow but it would vastly improve the presentation spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
-
Hehehe, you got me with this one, I thought she would be fine, new she's dead and I never saw it coming.... great job
Karen -
Mesmerizing
This a good writing! You keep my attention throughout, waiting to find out what was going to happen next. I like the rhyme and meter as well. It has great flow. It made me wonder if he was happy she no longer suffered, or happy she was dead. Keep up the good work. Write On!! Fly -
Gorgeous poem about your Mum ~ thanks so much for sharing it. It brought tears to my eyes...beautiful. And yes, I do love horses. Being a Vet's daughter, I love all animals. By the way, Noosa is one of my all-time favourite spots in Oz (we live in WA), and I've been nagging my hubby for ages to move there! House prices are a bit high, though, compared to other places. Thanks again for your encouragement. Lou x
Edited on Sep 27, 3:27 because ''. -
Excellent.
Superb poem - good rhyme and rhythm. I particularly like the rhyme "flavour" and "save her" - that one's a bit cheeky!
Well done Louise.
BTW, that's my mother's name - she's 98, and senile, and I copy a poem here which I recently wrote about her. It's just about the only serious poem I've ever written - I write much like you ; though I've fallen out with a few people on here, and took my poems elsewhere - I just call in occasionally to check my mail, and read a few gems. I've added you to my favourites.
Kind regards,
Robin.
Approaching a sad end
Nurse came in the room as she did every day,
"Wake up lass, it's well after five,"
She opened the blinds in the usual way,
Louise lay there - more dead than alive.
The feet, once so dainty, now covered in sores,
Danced so gaily to a waltz done by Strauss,
And the reason this lady's so special, because,
She made fun - in an unfunny house.
The legs, all riddled with ulcer decay,
Just a mixture of old skin and bone,
A skeletal shape as though made from clay,
In the hue of slate-grey Yorkshire stone.
Her body a flat sack of odd-looking bones,
Nought there where she suckled her young,
From her lungs come just the occasional groans,
Skinny arms where her children had clung.
The hands, once so active in care for her kin,
Lie limp like a long-dead flower,
Skinny bones and age-marked deathly-grey skin,
Belie lust in the long ago bower.
The neck, once so graceful - her lover's desire,
Like a chicken's, just after it's wrung,
No lips, just a slit like the grate in the fire,
And the deathly, lolling tongue.
Once-blue eyes that had sparkled with humour and life,
Are distant and glazed just like ice,
Her life - deprivation, torment and strife,
But, by God, my Mum was SO nice!
. -
A very dark piece...the rhyme was so eerily perfect with this...Leaves the reader with mixed emotions...I could picture...this old fashioned house with sister and brother there....cleverly written! Welcome to Allpoetry
Fern -
I'm curious if this was ment to come across as slightly psychotic. I love the rhyme and meter of this poem. You've done a creat job and the flow is superb. The story is a gripping one at that because you're curious what's going to happen. Welcome to AP and enjoy your stay. We're always here if you need us.
-
this is a fantastic poem with impeccanle rhyming and metre. I felt it could have been longer though. It seemed to end too soon. Welcome to AP. I hope you make as many good friends here as I have. I look forward to reading more of your work...Jan
Adding your comment:
1 - 52 of 52
