Like the wind
the poets words blow in
Like the mind full of thoughts
poetry is like concrete
frozen in time
awaiting
to explode
scattered like ashes
words are molding together
formed in black
pillars of mounded thoughts
separating slowly
forming ones life
one word at a time
slowly developing
onto a sheet of white
alas
a beautiful poem.
Author notes
Written September 12th, 2006
A contest entry
- Captivate me with your words by behind a smile.
300 points, ended November 11, 2006, 19 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Needing by Kendall Campbell.
450 points, ended January 8, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The "point" is? by Nicole Hanna.
2100 points, ended February 23, 2007, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - TEENAGERS - We're not all thick, yeah? by LaurenLightning--x.
1200 points, ended June 18, 2007, 35 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - SheLookedInsideAndScreamed by Exodus.
600 points, ended August 19, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Roses around, Flowers in bloom, Help me get my poetic muse back by LadyOfFate.
600 points, ended February 28, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Your poem is a little over the word limit. You might want to remove some filler words before I judge the contest tomorrow night. 50 words or less. Peace, Liz
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very nice to describe how a poem takes upon it's form in such a dancing way. thank you for entering and please add the saying I requested from everyone to qualify for my contest. good luck.
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I think this piece is lovely as it is, but could be better. The lack of punctuation and the double spacing detract from the words themselves and leave the reader fighting slightly to keep going.
That said the imagery was fantastic, thank you
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Aww..
This is beautiful.
I love it.
The starting lines :
Like the wind
the poets words blow in
-amazing- Such great imagery! Those few words put such a pretty picture in my head.
Thank you for entering and good luck!! =]
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I like what you're saying in this poem. However, I do feel like you should ditch the double-spacing, and perhaps add some punctuation. In line thirteen you need to say "forming one's life" as opposed to "forming ones life" otherwise, a solid work all around.
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Heh.
Love your images, althought that isn't a very helpful comment.
I'd ditch the doubling spacing... in reading it detracts more than it adds... of course, this could just be personal preference.
Just to make sure I am reading it properly - is it death in the end? Is that the reason for the "alas"?
Good luck in your future works. :-)
~Das -
very well written
You have done a great job writing about what poetry is, and how it is created. Very enjoyable read. I like the image of the concrete exploding, allowing us to gather our words out of the mounded thoughts.
Good luck in the contest.
Ethereal Melody
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Thank you for entering my contest, your talent and hard work are very much appreciated. I love this poem, the way you talk about the creation of poetry is very beautiful. The flow is very good for this type of poetry. Eloquence just flows off of this page like water, very powerful. I can understand why you like this poem a lot.
Tiphanie -
reading this poem I would have never known how old you were(this is a compliment). Your work gives me inspiration about the next generation to come maybe they won't be that bad.
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I loved your creative imagery. Your carefully chosen words painted a picture as I read your poetic work of art. Well, done and thank you for sharing. Keep up the great work. Best of wishes to you. good luck in all that you do....peace always in all ways. You rock....
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nice
that was really good.you had me at the title.ALAS somehow for some reason really got my attention.im glad that it did becauase i really enjoyed this.keep on trucking (and writing) it only gets better.well i suppose that may not be true but it cant hurt and practice makes perfect. -
I have one little critique for your piece.... you used the word 'beautifull' and I was wondering if perhaps you meant 'beautiful' .... grumble grumble... use spellcheck. :-P
You did a great job with this piece. I really enjoyed the word choice.
you followed the format of your poem.
alas
A beautiful poem.
:-P (I'm not kidding, though, great job!) -
One word at a time....so true!
Your creative approach to this write adds to the overall flavor of the message. Great job and unique as well.
Good luck in the contest with this entry!
Blessings! Tammy -
Very very very beautiful. It makes me get shivers it was so superb. Kepp up the amazing writing. You are an inspiration to all poetry writers.
DEEPTHINKER (:
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What a beautiful poem, it made me think of fallen leaves scattered in the wind. It was just full of metaphorical phrases and Just exquisite beauty. Good luck!
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very good
Like the wind
the poets words blow in
Like the mind full of thoughts
poetry is like concrete
frozen in time
awaiting
to explode
I like these lines the whole poem is very good thanks for your comments on my work. I hope you are doing much better take care b -
the thing about poetry is that it stresses the significance of the individual word, something prose cannot do. I like your word choice of "alas" very much. the way some poets write not for the finish but for the process, only to find out their finished product is extraordinary...very indicative of poetry.
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Alas, a beautiful poem for sure. Can imagine the words being blown around by the wind and coming together again to form a poem.
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