For ages past in times of peace
Before the period of decease
Passive tranquil Elves of Restore
Inhabited the eastern shore
One time the healing ponds of old
Were now the noxious dead's abode
The elves were forced to flee their land
This was prophecy's sole demand
The Emerald Ring must be saved
The way had long ago been paved
To go to the cold northern shore
Was fate for the Elves of Restore
Until the Days of Altiny
When he would fill his destiny
And return to the eastern shore
To bring back the Age of Valor
Into the hidden darkness they fled
To leave the abode of the dead
Silent and secret was their plight
Still the elves felt a heavy fright
Daemond the Dark Lord of the Void
Desired the elfin ring destroyed
The grandson of King Restiny
Must not achieve his destiny
Dragons rose from the pits of fire
To discharge the Dark Lord's desire
Dwarves ascended from the earth's soils
With axes and shields of bronze coils
Dragons and dwarves fought through the nights
Fire consumed valiant brave dwarf knights
Dwarf axes severed dragon heads
Leaving many vile dragons dead
Elfin kind mourned the valiant brave
Dwarves who went to their peaceful grave
To save the elves quest to end war
Caused by deceit of the Dark Lord
Author notes
It's been two years since I've added a piece to my fantasy collection. This is a transitional piece in my series of poems. There are several allusions to other pieces in this series.
Written September 11th, 2006
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Comments
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Too little in formation, too late for the dwarven
Syllables per line, as well as a read-aloud, would make this flow smoothly, which, as it regards elves, one would hope for. (The 3rd line in paerticular barks for rearticulation).
"noxious dead"? Not so diplonmatic an expression as one expect of the Aldryami.
eg. "To go to colder northern shore": rather than "cold", such an absolute term for a long-lived, more relativistic species as the dryads' and their brothers'.
"Elves of Restore" - it just don' feet the metre, I fear.
"Return once more to eastern shore":better scansion, but also..should not the last 2 words be capitalised? To emphasise the Mystical Aspect of Life?
The "hidden darkness" stanza had me almost burst out in Gales of Laughter, Roaring For Tease-Me-More, thou all-too-human bore!! (
)
"Restiny" - azif! That one would HAVE to be justified by more than its rhyme with "destiny"; this is not an "Humour" piece, correct? And if it is, I ain't laffin' much. And all this stuff about destiny - if everyone is so sure, why the fright, and who cares (no suspense)?
"fire consumed".."valiant" AND "brave"..."knights" no less!!
Dwarf axes..teeny little ones, presumably. And were the dragons also miniture. (qv. dwarven).
The dragons were "vile". Why all this carnage in the first place? Some rotter goes and steals a ring and another doesn't want them to have it? Does a modern audience believe, without being ensorcelled by imagery flowing o'er boundary to entrance their eager minds waiting simply for to find the fantasy they know so well they'd hear it 'gain, e'en in Hell, that politics are simply B&W, even among the Eldar Races?
Is a "valiant brave" some sort of apatchy worrier?
"Elven" would alliterate onward to "valiant". Even "elfen" would, in its second vowel, provide better scansion.
Peaceful graves they went to? Surely the dragons pursued them down the steep, and kept burning them, beyond a crisp even to the lisp of deaf?
Oh: so now we know. It was all the deceit of the Dark Lord, and the elves sought to "end war" caused by such. Hmm. Too little information, too late, me thinks.
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Great narrative poem which I liked a lot. You used very good rhyme here. Keep writing, this was a good fantasy poem which flowed well.
All the best
Pozo
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fantastic fantasy~
This is indeed excellent...I had forgotten that you had more in this series...You really should do fantasy more and hope to see more like this one...
So glad to see you are posting more here on AP
I could do good with elf's and faes but never with history included..You have done so very well with this fantasty poem
Love n hugs
Susan~~~
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A good poem :-) I like pieces like this, good old fashioned story telling. Your flow worked well, as did the rhyme, keeping the readers eye moving easily through and keeping the story moving. I keep trying to write something like this, and I always fail, so well done to you for doing it! LOL
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WoW, this is nice! I liked the whole epicness of it
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Sometimes think you could write epics using this form, as the story could go on and on. Good rhythm and rhyme ( or near rhyme).
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