The Perfect Wife
©copyright 2004 Bonita M Quesinberry, R.C.
He had said that day, "Come on, let's go take a ride."
We often drove aimlessly, sitting side by side:
enjoying the countryside and sharing our dreams.
But, this day would end with my mind in silent screams:
for at once he said, "You have been the perfect wife,
and I have never been happier in my life.
I want to get my own apartment and move out.
It is not you. It's me that this is all about."
There is only one thing I recall having said,
the next three weeks shockingly erased from my head.
"I understand," I said softly, though I did not.
A bullet in my heart he might as well have shot.
How could he say I was his perfect little wife,
And in the same breath deliver this pain and strife?
For three weeks I moved serenely about the world,
seemingly still the town's successful golden girl.
Somehow, I did my bank officer's job, and well:
though, I must have been no more than a hallow shell.
I went out and bought a fancy little sports car,
bought all kinds of things for his birthday and a card.
It cleverly said all the reasons I loved him,
but I remember not a single one of them.
I wrote checks for it all, but there was no cash.
My life quickly swerved like a car about to crash.
Then, I came home from work one day very alert,
knowing what I must do to stop this life of hurt.
It was three-thirty that one fatal afternoon:
"I've a migraine," to my daughter I slyly crooned,
then I swallowed a lethal dose of codeine pills.
At nine-thirty, my brother visited at will;
I was unresponsive and he called my physician.
On a gurney, I was rushed beyond admission.
The next day, Doc yelled, "We lost you three times last night!
You could have anyone, girl. Don't give up the fight.
You ever try that again, I'll kill you myself!"
Three weeks' dust had been wiped away from my mind's shelf,
as I recalled a voice I had heard that morning:
thunder and many waters issuing warning.
I smiled and said, "God got to me before you, Gabe.
This never will happen again, my mind in shade."
I awakened to hear, "YOU have things yet to do!"
He roared through my mind, this Lord I knew to be true.
He did not deign to say what those might one day be;
yet, instantly, reality was clear to me.
My son and daughter would be destroyed had I died.
Nothing and no one is worth taking life, I sighed.
Indeed, I had many things yet to do for God:
to spread His Truths, I would become His lightning rod.
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Author notes
Contest Prompt: 5- Silently screaming
Married: 03-17-68 to 07-1989
This happened in late February 1975. I was 31yo at the time. Within months of this near fatal mistake, God sent His Holy Spirit to guide me through His Truths, Wisdom, Knowledge, secrets and mysteries. After 21 years, my husband and I divorced in 1989, having separated yet again in 1985. I then moved to Washington State. It would not be until 1998 that Adonai revealed His mission for me.
My mother attempted suicide many times throughout my childhood, finally succeeding in 1985 at the age of 58. Thus, I grew up erroneously thinking that, if all else fails, then dying must be the only solution. It is a terrible legacy to leave behind for friends and family as well as co-workers and church members.
I am eternally grateful God refused to allow me to die: saved me from my own misery and ignorance. The Bible describes His voice as thunders and like many waters: like a thundering waterfall; and, indeed, that is exactly what it sounds like yet inexplicably soothing to the soul and spirit. If anyone is contemplating suicide, know that it is NOT a solution: all it does is create a nightmare. The answer is GOD and HIS CHRIST.
In a list
A contest entry
- ~Used~Abused~Confused~ by -Ink Artist-.
300 points, ended September 18, 2006, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Loads of Options... prewrites are fine if they fit! by Beautiful-N-Broken.
700 points, ended March 5, 28 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tell Me About Your Marriage (contest) by Paloszoo.
700 points, ended March 29, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
No single person is worth attempting suicide: YOU are worth more than that to God.
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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This is just......wow! Such a courageous piece of beauty and emotion. Absolutely stunning! Thanks for entering my contest. Good luck. It's an honor to have you show your work here.
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Thank you, sweetie; however, the honor is mine, for you have given the poem a place to be viewed and possibly help another.
Luv & hugs, BonQ
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I hate those who look to seek the easy way out ( sorry do not mean to be judgmental) I can see things could push one to such extremes What i cant get to grips with is the hurt to those left behind.I am not one for religion but i thank that which saved you
I hate that someone loved so much( your husband) can walk away as if what had gone before was of no consequence
A well written if some what sad piece I wish you all the luck and love in the world Good luck in the contest
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Ah, but you are judgmental based on a lack of facts. Suicide is never the answer, of that I agree; however, you did not take into account that I'd been raised by a mother who attempted suicide every time something did not go her way, finally having succeeded at age 57. Thus, I had grown up thinking it was the ultimate solution.
However, if you had read the entire poem, you would have found that for 3 weeks following my husband's announcement, I functioned in shock: people had to tell me what I did during that period because I had no memory of it and still do not. Obviously, I was not thinking logically or clearly.
Why was I in shock? Too many years of abuse, too many incidents, two children deceased, and stunned by my ex-husband's revelation: at that point, my mind simply could take nor more pain. But, as you did note, God took care of that and it never has happened again and never will.
Take great care, dear, to not judge when you do not have ALL the facts; even then, being judgmental is a flaw in one's character that should be changed.
Luv & hugs, BonnieQ
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Dear Bonnie it was never my intention to judge you personally.(though i know i did) but the act of suicide.
I did take into account your mothers actions
I am sure that there where times when what she did affected you you in such a way that you cursed her for it.
Which made it even harder to understand yours
I did read the poem all the way through, I would never comment if i had not.
I saw no mention of what you had suffered previously in the poem or in your authors notes.( perhaps i would have been a little less harsh), though i doubt it
All i think of is those loved ones left behind, For those who take their lives it ends Not for the living
The line that stood out and made me speak so was
"My son and daughter would be destroyed had I died."
If my comments in any way upset you i deeply apologize
That you will not hand on the legacy your mother left you to your children makes me shout with joy
I wish you a long and happier life. There are people who love you as you have found out
Take Care
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I awakened to hear, "YOU have things yet to do!"
He roared through my mind, this Lord I knew to be true.
He did not deign to say what those might one day be;
yet, instantly, reality was clear to me.
My son and daughter would be destroyed had I died.
Nothing and no one is worth taking life, I sighed.
Indeed, I had many things yet to do for God:
to spread His Truths, I would become His lightning rod.
ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL -
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Thank you so much, TSB, for the very kind review and for that little Silver trophy! I'm always amazed if one of my poems is a winner; likely, because I do not consider myself a poet.
Also, thank you for honoring me by adding me to your Fav's list. I'll be over to visit you!
Much luv in Christ, BonnieQ
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You wrap your heart around us all, Bonnie. It makes me sad that the man you had could not stay his heart for you. Someone told me in the last year that "being whole first makes us able to meet our second half." Those words are more revealing than even he knew when he said them. For what makes us whole, what gives us the ability to love, does not come from another person at all.
Suicide has touched my life in various forms, so reading this made my heart ache. Watching those we love hurt is a hell all its own.
Much love to you,
Sis
Edited on Sep 17, 9:41 because 'clarity'. -
There are no words which I could say. This just brought back memories. My sister tried to do this at the age of 24 as her husband repeatedly beat her. This made me cry and there is nothing bad I could say about it.
Well done dear.
Caz
Esta rosa es para ti -
I have been off AP so much I missed this poem. This is so sad. I am sorry you had to go through this but our Lord does know how to make the bad things in our life into our biggest strengths. Thank you for sharing this. I pray that it will keep many from taking their own lives. I love you sweet sister!
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Mom, wow! What a story and lesson learned! An incredible piece and a real eye opener. I hope it will touch someones heart just as it did mine! Incredible and powerful piece! I'm so glad that you are back!
Love and hugz,
Frog~ -
Heartwrenching story you've told here!! I'm so happy that this horrific relationship wasn't your demise. Your strength has carried you through. I appreciate you sharing this incredibly sad and poignant piece. Thanks for your entry and good luck!!
~Lori~ -
WOW Auntie Bonnie!! I really loved this poem... it's sad that this happened to you though!!! The poem is like a little window to you!!! HEHEHE!!! Great job on this and thank you for sharing!!!
Hugs,
Beth
PS Good luck in the contest!!! -
What a powerful testimony to the healing and saving power of our Lord Jesus! You truely have served and continue to serve Him well.
God bless you dear sister
RH -
I cannot be critical of perfection, dear mother...
♥
T.O.D. -
Brilliantly Creative
And, “LIGHTENING ROD you have truly become,” my Blood-bought special Sister. You have fought the good fight, but don't go yet; He's come (our Groom) "the Man-child~ to beautify His faithful, to recompense, and bring judgement and Justice to the innocent His own (whose covenanted with Him). It's really only now getting interesting as those Two-leaf Double Doors are now wide open. There's so many things to behold with the wonders of His of Living-Word and Grace. This is really good, Sissy, and shows just how far you've come in Christ.
Warm hugs, and lots of love,
~Milly.
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