I spend each night there holding her,
my lady, as she sleeps.
I drink in all her mascara tears,
every evening when she weeps.
I listen as she pours her heart
into her journal by the bed.
I’m here to ease her pain
as she lies down her weary head.
I watch the dancing butterflies
in her haunting emerald eyes.
I feel the warmth of her sweet breath
every time she sighs.
I feel the softness of her flowing hair,
scented smells of heather.
I’m here inside the ladies pillow,
I am but one single feather.
Author notes
Persona Poem - Written from the perspective of one single feather in a pillow belonging to a sad and lonely woman.
Written September 11th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- A Contest by marshmellow goth.
300 points, ended November 15, 2006, 31 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My 2nd contest- Objects and Inspiration by Gypsy-at-Heart.
1000 points, ended February 9, 2007, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Personification contest for women only… by Starswhispers.
500 points, ended March 18, 2007, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hey!!!!!! I Love Options Contests so here goes another one! (Prewrites Welcome) by Patience15.
525 points, ended April 20, 2007, 65 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Confuse Me!! by Nephalaneous lover.
330 points, ended April 19, 2007, 17 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What does it mean to be ALONE? by WhenWillsCollide.
575 points, ended May 30, 2007, 60 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Personification by PrettyRagDoll.
525 points, ended August 3, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 53 of 53
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I like how you gave a character (the woman) to associate with the object you personified. This combination made you achieve a story along with the personification. I really like you choosing a pillow because it truely would be interesting to hear a pillow's story- each one's would be different.
-MommyBear -
interesting. a feather who would of guessed? i like the twist.
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Nice- almost a riddle
This is a great 'hinting' poem; the way it suggests and twists, till suddenly the reader goes 'aha!'.
If anything, I'd remove the photo, as the poem doesn't need it and it might be fun for people to work stuff out themselves.
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wow. this was truely masterful. I could never write somehitng so good about an object as simple as a feather!(I'm only 13 here)
firstly, I very much enjoyed the rhyme in htis poem. It flowed very nicely and helped to personify the object. the poem was set up very nicley too. it really gave the emotion that wwas struck while readin it a certain edgy feel. somewhat similar to an undertone the is unseen and yet very powerful. I also enjoyed the use of metaphors and adjectives in theis piece. it really gave it the extra flare (that adds it to hte finalists' list )
"I watch the dancing butterflies
in her haunting emerald eyes.
I feel the warmth of her sweet breath
every time she sighs."
this was my favorite portion of hte poem because the metaphor/ adjective/EVERYTHING was harmonized and really made the poem sound sophisticated.
this was truely a lovely piece.
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Hahaha Very clever
I enjoyed this tale of your written so well. The flow was natural. I especially loved the twist in the end. Good luck in the contest.
~Ron~
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I liked this alot!
The ending was most deffinetly a twist,
and the whole thing was just..awesome.
I liked this alot,
and i am really glad you entered my contest! -
I see why this has won so many contest! This is a wonderful poem! Good Luck!
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What a wonderful view from an object seen as something so simple. The beauty and depth are awe inspiring and so wello written.
How wonderful a read it is.
Congratulations on all the trophies for this excellent write.
Best always!
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My goodness!! Look at all your trophies!! I don't have that many for all my writing put together! But, this piece is deserving of them. You don't need to hear it, but great write. Great job. Thanks for sharing. Take care.
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omg
awsome...definate chance pof winning....omg i loved this its so awsome..
wow..i did not think od a feather so you had me fooled, i thought of a lover or mother or some one close...then i though of the diary, but woow you blew my mind the whole sinlge feather...great write and good luck..
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I can definitely see why this one has one gold before. It leads on that its the pillow, but it turns out to be the one feather inside of it... Very clever and unique.
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Ohhh Myyy Gooodddd!!! That was beautiful. I Absolutely loved it. It touched me i absolutely LOVED IT!!! Great job really you have a great talent. Emily
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What a wonderful write, a lovely idea for a personification, your word choice is excellent as well as the flow and progression. Isn't it true that sometimes we just want to go back home and have a good cry on our pillow? I enjoyed this very much.
Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
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Thanks for the excellent comment, doomday! It is most appreciated!
~Lori
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this is an awesome write. i love how it sounds like a loving partner but in reality it is but just a feather... well done and iwish you well
cheers
Jen -
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Thanks Jen! Much appreciated! This was my first stab at writing persona.
~Lori
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I really loved the first stanza, it was a fantstic introduction. I also love the description and the idea of mascara tears. The idea behind it is sweet, and lovely. Excellent job with this, I wish you well in my contest. Thank-you for taking the time to enter your peice.
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Thanks akward--silence for your lovely comment! It is very much appreciated!
~Lori
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Nice imagery ;p Has a nice rhyming scheme going on, and a nice flow, I think two parts are a bit superfluous, - my lady- and -Scented smells- Otherwise I wouldnt change a thing ;p This is just my humble opinion take it as you will. Gl in my contest ;p
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Thanks for your comment CloudlessClimbs. I'm glad you enjoyed this write. I understand how the words you pointed may come across as superfluous to you, but in the scheme of the write, they were very useful, as I felt the feather saw this woman as "his lady" and the smells were scented of heather. Also, it was needed to keep the metre and flow of the piece. Thanks for taking time to read and comment! It was greatly appreciated! Congrats on a wonderful contest!
~Lori
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Congratulations on winning gold with this lovely poem. Just flows anda gives us such wonderful images. Lovely write.
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Thanks grannyeri! This was my first try at writing personification and it was an enlightening experience to put myself into the thoughts of an inanimate object. Thanks again for reading and for your wonderful comment!
~Lori
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First of all thank you for your entry in my contest. I really enjoyed reading this entry. I love the use of personification in this poem because it is done so well. You really get the feeling that this feather is a friend to the lady, rather than an inanimate object and that is exactly the kind of emotion I was hoping to see in this contest.
There were several lines that really grabbed my attention. I thought
I drink in her mascara tears
and
I watch the dancing butterflies
in her haunting emerald eyes
both truly painted a fascinating picture of this lady's deep pain and the comfort that her pillow gave her.
Also you made reference to "smells of heather", "warmth of her sweet breathe" and other words that appeal to the senses giving it a very warm, comforting feeling.
Overall I thought it was an excellent piece. Well done -
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Thanks so much for the lovely comment on this piece, Sarahs Chanson! Your wonderful words were greatly appreciated. I'm pleased you enjoyed the read!
~Lori
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Although I guessed the ending before reading it (well, not quite, I thought it was a pillow), this poem is a great piece of work and definitely deserving of your gold trophy you got from it prior. Keep up the good work and good luck in the competition
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Thanks so much Living for the sweet comment on this piece! Most people think it is the pillow as they read, not just one feather inside! Happy Holidays!
~Lori
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You've almost left me speechless. This is a fantastic write, and I've never read anything alike. Wonderful.~
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Thank you FearandFantasy! I truly appreciate your wonderful comment on this piece! I'm so happy you enjoyed it!
~Lori
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Congratulations Lori on your gold
Gaylene
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Thanks so much Gaylene!
~Lori
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Wow-
Congratulations Lori on Your trophy win
This is a Precious Masterpiece You have penned~
You bring the words to Life~
Thank You for sharing Your talent!
Many blessings to You
Best wishes too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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Thanks so much Desire!
~Lori
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Thanks so much, marshmellow, for the wonderful comment on this piece! It's very much appreciated! This is my first persona poem and it was quite fun to write. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
~Lori~ -
WOW... This is brilliant, I never would of guessed that it was just a pillow feather. AMAZING, such detail and just everything was great. Best of luck for the contest
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Thanks for the lovely comment Mythtress!! Very pleased you enjoyed this piece!
~Lori~ -
Ah...you did a WONDERFUL job on your first persona! And I, too, love the imagery and the thought of all the feathers in my pillow being "there" for me. Great job. Write on, poet.
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Such an interesting way to looks at one from the persepctive of a feather in the pillow on her bed - sentiments well expressed on these lines - easy to read and understand.
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Thanks LisaMarie!! This was my first try at a persona poem. It was very fun to write! Glad you liked it! Thanks so much for your kind words!!
~Lori~ -
Great write! You are so talented, Lori! I love it.
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Thanks so much for the lovely comment freespirit51! It's much appreciated! I'm glad you enjoyed this short piece! Take Care!
~Lori~ -
This is a great little poem. I had it figured out part way through but I thought of the pillow not just a feather. I think it was very clever.
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Thanks Claire darlin for the sweet comment! It means alot! Glad you liked! Take Care Hun!
~Auntie Lori*~ -
Hey Auntie L this is fantastic. I remember we had to do this inanimate object stuff and I chose the settee but urs is really good. Hope you are well. Lots of love
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Thanks so much DarkHunter for the lovely comment on this piece!! It's greatly appreciated!! Glad you enjoyed it!!
~Lori~ -
Excellent
This is an awesome poem and cleverly done. You have captured it beautifully from the feathers perspective. Good luck in the contest. -
Thanks for the wonderful comment on this piece BlankSlate!! It's much appreciated!! Glad you enjoyed!!
~Lori~ -
Awesome write! I would never have thought a feather...i was thiking at first a pillow..but... you did a great job with this. Good job.
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Thanks so much Carol for the wonderful comment on this write!! It's greatly appreciated!! This is an interesting contest to assume the persona of something unusual. This piece was spur of the moment but I'm pleased with it. I've been writing very atypical lately!! Thanks for reading Sis!!
~Lori~ -
Thanks Marie for the lovely comment on this piece!! I wrote this as if I was a feather in my pillow years ago when I was a sad and lonely woman. It was an interesting contest idea so I thought I'd give it a go! Thanks for reading hun!!
~Auntie Lori*~ -
Exceptional write
WOW Sis. This is a phenomenal write. Beautifully written and the rhyme and rhythm is executed to perfection. Exceptional.
I love it. Good luck to you in the contest it looks like a GOLD to me.
~carol -
oh wow that was pretty awesome I've never seen you write about a lady before lol very good good I was kinda speechless I loved it
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Thanks so much for the wonderful comment on this piece Billbard!! It's greatly appreciated!! This was just one of those "saw a contest, had a thought, impromptu, spur of the moment" writes! Glad you enjoyed it. Take Care!!
~Lori~ -
Excellent
A very creative poem you have written.Well worded and excellently rhymed.A pleasure to read.Good luck in the contest.Keep the ink flowing.
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