Look ‘neath the stone to find the grist
of all those things you may have missed,
covered up and cast aside
unnoticed in the flow of tide,
the dark beneath that drifts each day
and rushes past the price you pay.
Take out the doors and air the rooms
then dust them off with feather brooms
sift carefully each passing smile
each tear that’s shed in daily trial,
let flecks of gold show in the pan
and phantoms dance where life began.
Author notes
This poem should be saved for the first good day of March, but it is here for you, whatever day that you feel like reading it.
A contest entry
- Help! i really need some inspiration by lucy sky-diamond.
600 points, ended July 14, 2007, 28 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~QUICKIE~ Good Things Come In Small Packages! by Unperson.
400 points, ended October 11, 2007, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Searching For New Favourites ♥ by Immortal Obscurity.
1750 points, ended April 9, 2008, 51 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme and Flow part 7 Old - 50,000 points series by cricketjeff.
4000 points, ended August 15, 2008, 36 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Depression Resolved through Poetry ---- Winner Take All by Melissa Burns.
400 points, ended November 10, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 60 of 60
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nicely penned . . liked "each tear that's shed in daily trial" and "phantoms dance where life began" . . best of luck in the contest
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I liked your genteel way with words, it surely is every man's poetry,I would like to bookmark it as every lin was a pleasure to read,
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Loved it, and the last line leaves the reader swimming in their own imaginations, brilliant.
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so I enjoyed your rhyme which is something i won't say often...I'm not really a fan of rhyme, but this had a sort of old fashion rhyme to it. I loved the message and the way it flows. thank you so much for entering my contest
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Hmmm... I like! It does have that peaceful, relaxed feeling to it, and I especially loved the last line. I'm also glad that you were able to rhyme without sounding forced or fake. Thank you for entering, and good luck!
Laura xxx
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.... wow.... just ......wow
please, how do you write like this i know if i could write like this my life would be complete so please if you wouldnt mind send me a message and we can talk about your meathod..... again wow.....just..... wow -
This is a brilliant poem. I enjoyed reading it. The words flow very nicely to fit the rhythm of the poem. Great job and keep writing!
:~Erin~: -
Thanks for entering!!!!
This was a very deep meaningful poem. It's a great write. Good luck in the contest ^_^ @>}- -
Congrats. on winning the GOLD
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Any poem that leaves me with a smile on my face is a good'un in my books! This is certainly an inspirational poem. My favourite bit has to be
"Sift carefully each passing smile
Each tear that’s shed in daily trial,"
The rhyme and flow in this are unfailing and effortless. An overall stunning write. Thanks for entering! -
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I am very pleased that this poem made a connection. It has been a very lucky poem for me.
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Sweetly said, poet! Fine writing!
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Wonderfully written poem with a lot of insight. The flow was great. It does make one stop and think, and that is the sign of a great write. Congratulations on winning gold!
Jeannie -
Great poem. Very beautiful word use.
Good job! -
Beautiful
This is an absolutely stunning piece, definitely worthy of the gold which it received.
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Wow!
Truely a gem this write. It had a very classic style to it and it flowed like spun silk. Loved the last line.
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Well written I enjoyed it very much it drew me along and I keep wanting to read the next line. Thank you for sharing.
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I think this is a good poem. I like reading it! It makes you think of all the things you could have over looked simply, and makes you want tolook again.... at least to me it does.
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this is a great poem written very beautifuly writtin you have a way with words
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I love this piece. It is so beautifully written. The words seems to spin their own little world in my mind. Awesome job!
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This poem wrote itself. Thank you for the comment.
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Amazing write well applauded
Wow this was amazing the way you wrote this poem with such detail and great imagery. Your words seemed to take the stones apart as it told a story. (Lisa)
'Take out the doors and air the rooms
Then dust them off with feathered brooms.
Sift carefully each passing smile
Each tear that’s shed in daily trial,
Till flecks of gold show in the pan
And phantoms dance where life began'
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I am so pleased that you liked this.
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This is great, and encouraging too...after all i guess it's all just a spring clean for the may queen. Wow, nice write!
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There's a nice flow in this poem, and it fits the photo so well!! Have to ask where it's taken?? It looks so cool!! "Each tear that’s shed in daily trial," that is a really good line!!
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The picture was taken outside of Panama City, in what was the original settlement of Panama's capitol. It was burned by the pirate, Henry Morgan in the late 1500s. It made a good association with the idea of old stones, though I would have preferred smaller ones. Thanks for your nice comments.
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Wonderful Write!
I really like the flow and the rhyme. I really like the mental images from this piece.
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An exceptionally enjoyable peice. Especially the first two, and last two lines. Those were by far my favorite. It is certainly sad, in a way, how little care is given to things of the past. So long as we have new things, we are content to let the old rot into the dust. The title too, matches well with the poem, under rocks is where to find a great deal of lost memories. Great work on the poem anyways, It was a pleasure to read, and I enjoyed it alot. Thank you for sharing, and good luck in all of your future writings!
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This was a very satisfying experience where the poem tended to write itself. It was just a matter of lifting the stone. Thanks so much.
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Perfection
I can't begin to explain how much I enjoyed this write. The flow was amazing, the choice of words excellent, and the message I got from it was wildly inspirational. Absolutely amazing!
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Old school, thats good its definately a talented write.... keep it up... it flowed well and i like that keep it up...
by,
tim -
woooow i love this espeally this bit Take out the doors and air the rooms
Then dust them off with feathered brooms.
Sift carefully each passing smile
Each tear that’s shed in daily trial,
Till flecks of gold show in the pan
And phantoms dance where life began.
its so ace lol good poem xxx -
awww what a stunning piece this is! I loved it. Short but so very powerful. Very well done. I enjoyed the read
Kari -
mmmmm....hope. Thats something we definently need in our lives. Thank you for reminding me that there is hope in the world I hope others may read this and are themselves inspired by your words.
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Such a well written piece. Makes me think of wonderfully built things that are just forgotten over time. So sad. Well done. Keep them coming and blessed be.
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The dark beneath that drifts each day
And rushes past the price you pay.
these two lines are my favorite section of your poem and i thought this piece of writing was great
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Thank you. I must have channeled that from somewhere, possible my own psyche.
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Treasure?
the closing lines "Till flecks of gold show in the pan
And phantoms dance where life began." caught me! I wish i knew more on the background of this poem, or what the inspiration was behind it. Great choice of wording with a definite atmosphere. You've made my day, thanks.
-Mal
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The "background" is simply the painful business of working through painful thoughts or worries that block constructive energy. It is not simply a case of looking "under the stone," but of looking under the next one, and the next. The problem with just doing the "Bing Crosby" stuff and floating along the surface is that one stone covers the next and we soon loose sight of who we are or what we stand for. Nothing new about that; but, Hey, we even cover up that bit of knowledge.
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I apologize for not getting back to you sooner. Every indication of interest and thought is a reward greatly appreciated.
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Wow, i really enjoyed this poem. It is an inspiring read. The last line really caught my attention and i lingered there for a while- great job here!!!
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i loved this work! It had a quiet elegance about it that really did inspired hope. The flow throughout was flawless and the diction was perfect for the tone you conveyed. beautiful piece!
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I apologize for not getting back to you sooner. Every indication of interest and thought is a reward greatly appreciated.
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Got the period, thanks.
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Excellent poem. I like the tetrameter couplets, the same form that I often use, but I seldom try to write anything serious. One detail of punctuation: why no period at the very end?
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real nice
like it very poetic i love rhyme you did really well, just 1 thing add be on beneath ok hope you enjoyed christmas -
great
greenest -
a pleasure
I see hope and inspiration from the beginning of this post.Fueled by some very nice imagery which just paly out before my eyes. This message of hope lifts my spirits when all around this world there is so much turmoil...
thank you for a very well crafted poem and the pleasure of this read. good luck in the contest
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If have found that the stone that is under the stone provides the greatest rewards and I originally wanted to indicate that in the title. You do have a keen eye and I doubt that your students ever put anything passed you. The trickery of the psyche (some call it the devil) requires that we lift these stones one by one to find what is fresh and in need of the sunlight.
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Another good little poem which says a lot without unnecessary words. It is a fine message to all of us.
I wonder however if there is also some humour in looking under a stone for grist when grist is the corn that HAS to be placed under a millstone to be ground. I think you knew that and were being slyly humerous within a serious piece
. Great work!
Jim -
I love how in this poem of yours you are able to describe so much with so little wording. Amazing love poem. I am breathless with the strength of passion and yearning here.
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Beautiful and true!
Full of hope, and the power to make a difference in your own life...
I love:
"The dark beneath that drifts each day
And rushes past the price you pay"
There is so much 'gold' that slips through, unnoticed by many!
A wonderful image, both delicate and strong, to carefully sift through one's own dust for these precious specks...I can see them dancing in the air, hard to catch!
Well done!
Cheers!
Ferenc -
Very well done, flows very nicely together, I really liked it.
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This was wild. It was so simple at one look and yet so much more as it settled in. Best of luck!!
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This is really sweet. excellent write. it *is* really encouraging. The flow and structure are really well done. Keep penning and sharing.
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This DID encourage hope. I didn't read the comments until after the poem of course. I liked about opening the doors and the windows and airing everything out. That's something I need to do. Great job on this.
~*destiny*~ -
BRAVO!
Very nice reading here.Thank you for sharing your talent
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It is a rare thing to write a poem and to feel that there is not a single thing that you would be willing to change. This came together like two pieces of Lego. I began with a deeper thought and I worried about some of the words sounding rather cornball. I am pleased that it all seems to work. Your comments are very encouraging.
Edited on Sep 25, 10:32 because ''. -
I adored this little piece. It was so beautiful but it seemed quite simple. I really liked the first two lines, they captivated me instantly. I loved this one, very well done and good luck
Thanks for entering such a great bit of work
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