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Noose [...the end]

i tempt myself with these ((nightmares))
razors riding down my rage.
a tw!$t3d self-build cage
that i hide within each day.

~

comprehending my addictions i come by.
i cant control the pain inside.

~

b/r/o/k/e/n, i break down -scarred- beauty .
so, cheers! to the noose...
and the ladder to let me choose.
alcohol to ease the trip.

~

i d.a.m.a.g.e.d all the hopes i had.
taking away current pain.
i lay here, a little more insane.
dumped into depression.

~

with the circle of {gasoline}, soon lit;
the tRagiCAlLy hopeful choice i'll commit.

~

i ABUSED the people who loved me most.
now, i must let them be.
no longer will they have to deal with me.
burning the memories, killing myself.
♥
♥

♥

♥

♥

♥

♥

♥

♥

♥

♥

♥
rope hanging
tight     drifting
into          hell
like             abyss.
i               know,
i've          known
i            will     
not be missed.





♥ Lynn

Author notes

i used your word bank:
♥nightmares
♥twisted
♥broken
♥scarred
♥beauty
♥alcohol
♥damaged
♥gasoline
♥tragically
♥abused

♥ Lynn
Written September 10th, 2006

A contest entry

What did you think

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Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • Dead Star--x
    September 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I wish I could make my poetry lay out like this one, you always do such a good job with your effects! and i really love the little hearts and designs! Thanks for entering!
    Abused


  • SabaSophiya
    September 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    My goodness! Such an intensely dark write and yet it throws light on your soul, so much so that your pain becomes clearly apparent, and there remains nothing to hide. And ultimately, the truth of "your being" shines to set you free!! And therefore, this poem becomes truly, madly n deeply cathartic!!


  • otepsaint
    September 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I liked it alot.


  • Bruised.Roses
    September 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    this was freaking fantstic the concreate style of poetry you used was great and added so much character.....i loved each line and I loved the emotion pouring fromt them....this was my favorite part:

    i tempt myself with these ((nightmares))
    razors riding down my rage.
    a tw!$t3d self-build cage
    that i hide within each day.

    ~

    comprehending my addictions i come by.
    i cant control the pain inside.

    ~

    b/r/o/k/e/n, i break down -scarred- beauty .
    so, cheers! to the noose...
    and the ladder to let me choose.
    alcohol to ease the trip.

    ~

    i d.a.m.a.g.e.d all the hopes i had.
    taking away current pain.
    i lay here, a little more insane.
    dumped into depression

    I can relate to these lines so much and you are so wonderful!!!!!!!!keep writting sis I ♥ you!!!!!



  • almost-choked-up
    September 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I'm not really a fan of the sticky letters (tRagiCAlLy), but overall this was a great piece. I loved the noose with the text. I don't have enough patience to align all the text like that. lol Great good and good luck in the contest!

  • dont-4-get- duckie
    September 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, you used the words perfectlly, i loved this SOO much, keep writing, Duckie.


  • paullallady silver member
    September 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    good

    the use of word play in this was perfect. it was dripping in pain from beginning to end, then when you added that you cannot turn to the people in your life, it just seemed so sad and hopeless at that point. I hope this is not your life. good job with this.

  • Billig Billie
    September 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I liked the idea and the style was interesting, but I can't say it's to my liking. It's not about it not being good, it's just about my preference, I'm sorry. I liked the words, but the different ways you presented them just made it seem a bit gaudy. Again I'd like to restate that this is just my personal preference, I wish I could enjoy this more, but there's a big block in my mind that won't let me. Sorry, good luck in the contest and thank you for your time and talent.
    .billie.


  • -Incarcerated Soul-
    September 12, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Great! The despair and hopelessness really show in this write, so dark and painful. I love the way you have used the hearts as a noose and I really like the paragraph above and below it. This is a very powerful write, straight to the point and hard hitting. Keep sharing and take care.


  • -- - -
    September 11, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    well you know i like the little text noose.
    (little creative dark emo elf)
    the write itself is heavy hearted,i imagine all those thoughts and pains wear you down grindingly.

    *edited this comment because i am a fool and said "hope you nag in there", in retro,that wasa very off thing to say.

  • maheo
    September 10, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    nicely done for a word bank poem, dark, but feeling so I enjoyed it.


  • ShadowEyes
    September 10, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    great job

    this is cool. is this like a song? it looks as tho it would be... I liek it! keep up the good work!

    <3 Shadow


  • Carpe Noctem
    September 10, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    awesome

    This was sad, but very well put together. I liked how you made the chosen words stand out. Very clever! Keep up the great work!


  • forever - silenced
    September 10, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    bloody hell... this is an awesome poem! i really like the layout you have used as usual unique and in your own style! my favourite lines are

    "i ABUSED the people who loved me most.
    now, i must let them be.
    no longer will they have to deal with me.
    burning the memories, killing myself.
    ♥
    ♥
    ♥
    ♥
    ♥
    ♥
    ♥
    ♥
    ♥
    ♥
    ♥
    ♥
    rope hanging
    tight drifting
    into hell
    like abyss.
    i know,
    i've known
    i will
    not be missed."


    I like these lines because of the layout of them it has a great effect and i know you will be missed if anything happens to you! well done on this great write and gud luck in the contest much love

    ~Forever Silenced~




  • mjseattle silver member
    September 10, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    WOW! As I read this poem I actually became a little frightened for you. It was that poignant. Then I saw it was the product of a word bank. What a relief. But you took those words and painted an unholy picture. Great stuff. Keep up with the good writes!


  • Exodus gold member
    September 10, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Hmm, certainly creative but I think that "tw!$t3d" and "tRigiCaLly" (tragically?) really take away from the poem, I know they made me pause just a little too long and it really wrecked the creative, unique flow you had going. As for the visual side of the poem, I'm sure I'm not going to be the only one to comment on this, but the words shaped as a noose really were an excellent touch to add. Well done and best of luck.


  • individuality gold member
    September 10, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    an enjoyable penning here, nicely creative, the rhythm and flow to the poem is good. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...


  • grannyeri gold member
    September 10, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    What words to use in a poem - can only be deep and dark and tragic - you have used these words well - easy to read and understand.

1 - 18 of 18