handprints on the back window,
you smile, but you know they are there.
The scent still lingers in the air,
that of unfamiliar perfume and unforgivable lust.
There is warmth in your voice,
as if nothing happened.
Eyes full of lies,
you take me for a fool.
My eyes beg to cry,
tears waiting on the edge.
Not this time.
I'm not your fool anymore.
I let my fingers run over the window,
recent heat has left them fogged.
The glass is unusually cold.
The headlights fade
as you stop in front of my house,
I turn to you, staring blankly.
I step out of the car and shut the door.
I leave you with the handprints,
the lustful stench in the air,
and the unforgiving word traced onto the window,
Goodbye.
A contest entry
- ANYTHING!!!PREWRITES!!! EVERYTHING!!! by hershey101.
600 points, ended November 12, 83 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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really good I enjoyed it thanks for entering and sharing with and good lucky !!!!!!
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well as the rest have said pretty hard to say something bad. a well executed and powerfully clear write.
wish you all the muse for the future and keep up the good writings flowing. -
POIGNANT
YOU TOOK A MUNDANE TOPIC AND CREATED THE EXTRAORDINARY, THIS HAS A STRONG RHYTHM THAT SITS WELL ON THE TOUNGUE AND REALLY GENTLE YET NO NONSENSE VOLCABULARY IT FLOWS EFFORTLESSLY FROM VERSE TO VERSE. I LOVE THE LINE MY EYES BEG TO CRY, IT IS VERY EMOTIVE BUT THE LAST VERSE ESPECIALLY THE LAST LINE IS VERY CLEVERLY CRAFTED LOVELY WRITE THANKS LITTLEFISHONE
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hmm, hate cheaters.. such cowards they are. The hardest thing they put you through is believing that they had really done it. its so hard to belive you are no longer loved by somone who still acts like he/she does. i find it so unfair, so unforgivable. when i hear of it is simple makes me mad.. they dont want you but keep you in lies.. why!?!? and they make i so hard to say goodbye.
thats why i loved the last word in your poem, it displays strength that not all those lied to have. good work.
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You do a great job here building up the emotion and bringing the reader along at the right pace. The last stanza nails it down and makes it all work.
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Ah The Lessons Of Life!
Great poem...I'm sure it wasn't so great to lose a lover 'by choice' as you put it across so simply. Did you have a choice...besides of course, forgiving and then being 'taken for a ride' again, sooner or later. Coming back to the poem, it reflects a mellowness that comes only with experience. I love the paradox in the fourth stanza.
I think "I turn to you, staring blankley." You mean 'blankly', don't you?
"the lustfull stench in the air,"... I think it's 'lustful'.
A nice, serious write that reminds us that we are, after all, humans and we do have feelings and Life is a cruel, but good teacher nonetheless. Am sure you gained more than you lost. If not, I would pray for your wellbeing. Besides, he's the loser, not you. Doesn't deserve you. Keep those fingers moving. Good luck and God bless
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Thought provoking...
yes you do make your readers to ponder at least for a while....
you leave so many things unsaid...because you know that's art...the less said the better..
Brilliant write!
suggestive and communicative
Galaxy2
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You were way to nice to this person LOL! Really though this is an amazing write. I enjoyed how the story unfolded and the imagery and word choice
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I really enjoyed reading this poem!
Every word of it is beautiful!
Keep up the good work!
I'd love to read more from you in the future!
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handprints on the back window,
You smile, but you know they are there.
The scent still lingers in the air,
That of unfamiliar perfume and unforgivable lust.
There is warmth in your voice,
as if nothing happened.
Eyes full of lies,
You take me for a fool.
good good good poem -
An interesting poem....I liked how you used the window and centred the story around it and the way it ended "and the unforgiving word traced onto the window, Goodbye." I also found this line to be interesting "My eyes beg to cry, Tears waiting on the edge." Because its like that....there are times where you just wanna cry and it just doesn't happen...
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This is a wonderful poem.
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wow an amazing write! nice flow nd such a lovely poem from such a bad situation! love it
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This was amazing and the lies they tell when they do this most of the time that make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I loved reading this piece great job!
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Excellent
A very good write. I like it just as it is. Thank you for sharing this one with us. Again, well done.
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Wow... I really felt your pain in this. I liked your discriptiveness of the handprints... Almost like they were this person that made them.
I read this three times over and can find nothing to complain about. Nothing! -
Thank you very much, Im glad you liked it!
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thanx for your comment. Im glad you liked it!
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ooo, I like this. I got a little chill there at the end with "Goodbye". It has texture, I can almost smell the perfume, feel the emotion, touch the glass and feel the outside temperature bleeding through it. The opening with the smile because you know the handprints are there is intriguing and sets the stage.
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Wow! The imagery is amazing in this piece! I loved how you repeated the last stanza. You could really picture the situation here. Nice job! Goodluck!
-Whispers
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