No one needs to say it,
because the air is heavy
with the reality of what we dare not speak,
like the suffocating atmosphere
after a dense rainfall...
"She is going to die."
The glass of water stands tall near the window,
reflecting a bloody light as the sun dips below a low hill,
its dim glow fading, casting the grounds
into a dim, gloomy sort of darkness, and I resent the window,
for it frames the world beyond,
the world she can no longer be a part of,
for she's imprisoned by the creamy walls, bound by the tubes,
the wires, the needles, the medicine, and the pain...
I want to shatter the window, watch the shards rain upon the ground,
so that she can glimpse the world,
see the world she's isolated from,
and feel it, too,
feel the breeze,
taste the aftermath of a rainfall, smell the scent of the roses,
in red, soft and silky as the wind,
in pink, basking and swaying in the cool summer night,
and in white, the color of butter, all intertwined...
I want her to hear the laughter of the children,
absorbed in a game of tag as they scatter and shriek,
and I want her to dance again,
to perhaps show me how to perfect my dreadful cartwheel,
like she did when I was little, before she was struck with this curse...
though she smiles and laughs, she's weak,
and I can't bear to look upon this person, this stranger,
whom I can no longer say that I know, but that I once knew...
she gazes at me with a striking intensity, and my eyes say it all,
portraying my deepest fears, and she smiles,
but before I can summon any form of resistance,
the words escape my lips -- "I’ll miss you."
The spark returns to her eyes, as if the fire was never dimmed --
"I know what it's like to really live," she says
with a serene little smile, as if she’s at peace with the world,
even while she’s slipping away,
fading away from it and me,
"And never will that change."
and in awe I think, she'll see the roses sway,
smell their fragrance, watch kids play,
teach me to do a cartwheel, taste the wonder of it all,
hear the laughter, dance as she's drenched in bliss,
never wavering, never letting go,
watching and listening as the wind whistles and blows...
A setting sun has never been lovelier...
Author notes
With every breath I take, she's an inspiration to me.
For Heather.
(Option 2)
Written September 8th, 2006
A contest entry
- Round 1 of 5 : Your Best Piece by Kei-Aira.
300 points, ended September 30, 2006, 73 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Feel Better (rip 3 13 04) by sprack44.
420 points, ended March 25, 2007, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me emotion by LaLaLie.
360 points, ended April 14, 2007, 116 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rounds contest (first round) by star wars fanatic.
450 points, ended April 22, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 1st Round: Anything you want......:D [[Closes in 1 hour!]] by xox-lankan-xox.
450 points, ended April 18, 2007, 171 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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wonderful
The imagery and word choice in this was amazing! I loved it very much. I was totally captivated right away and was just amazed as pictures ran through my head and I felt as if I was there. An excellent write. *Finalist* -
thanks for entering and good luck.
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very very very very very very nice imagery. very nice poem love love love love love it
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I LOVE THE IMAGERY IN THIS!!! i could see the roses, here the laughter of the children, almost feel the chill of the room where she lays dying..very nice write, and thanks for the entry!
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This is nice, and has some really well-written images in it. It is enjoyable to read and draws the reader in. Howeverm it is not presented well - it is more of a story tha a poem. You need to arrange this into lines and stanzas and make sure it flows well. As it stands, it isn't really developed as a poem.
Thanks for entering the contest, and good luck.
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And in awe I think, she'll see the roses sway, smell their
fragrance, watch kids play, teach me to do a cartwheel,
taste the wonder of it all, hear the laughter, dance as
she's drenched in bliss, never wavering, never letting go,
watching and listening as the wind whistles and blows.
I really enjoyed this part the most....its a very moving piece here and I do appriciate the entry... good luck in my contest, and as always, keep writing! -
Excellent piece with lovely rhythm and flow. The imagry is wonderful as is the flow. great write, keep your pen forever flowing!
Bunny
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beautifully written, a tender yet powerful piece. I thoroughly enjoyed this one.
Rory -
this is a good piece of creative poetry that you have written here which i enjoyed reading. a good flow and rhythm dances through. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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Excellant
Very well written. I like it just the way it is. -
This was very good and very well written. Very though pervoking I thought. Thanks for writing this. Good luck in the contest. God Bless!
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This was one of those writes that after you read it, you simply sit back and stare at the computer screen. excellen write. The metaphors were great. Sorry to hear about your suffering. Very heartfelt write... Thanks for sharing this and my best wishes.
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this is a realyl great poem
i loved it
keep it up babe
check our my work sometime please
and comment on them please
thanks so much
muah
~Rhea -
this is so beautifully written and it made me think of my uncles grandma she just currently died in an old folks home she was ninety eight and I hated going to visit her in there because of how she was hooked up to the tubes and all there is is just that one window,,that keeps her somehow in touch with the outside world yet not. and this was just so wonderful what you wrote and it made me think of her. so i say nice job...AMANDA
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Beautifully Powerful
Phew... This is indeed a very powerful write. You have conveyed your message in a beautiful way here. Sorry to hear about your suffering.
Dimitri -
LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Beautifully written, with such imagery that I felt like I was right inside the piece. Just awesome! -
good
and I resent
the window, for it frames the world beyond, the
world she can no longer be a part of, for she's
imprisoned by the creamy walls, bound by the tubes,
the wires, the needles, the medicine, and the anguish.
that is how I felt after losing my sister at such
a young age, I resented the world and all those who
were alive and unable to appreciate their life while
she had lost hers. you know these feelings of which
you write, I can tell. good job with this, the emotion
and feelings and wording is absolutely perfect.
good job.
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WELL DONE!!!
And in awe I think, she'll see the roses sway, smell their
fragrance, watch kids play, teach me to do a cartwheel,
taste the wonder of it all, hear the laughter, dance as
she's drenched in bliss, never wavering, never letting go,
watching and listening as the wind whistles and blows.
A setting sun has never been more lovely.
WOW!!! AMAZING!!! AWESOME!!! I AM SPEECHLESS!!!
Edited on Sep 09, 9:32 because ''. -
This is a wonderfully written piece! Your metaphor is amazing - and you still get your message and feelings across very clearly. If this is actually happening to you, or has already happened, I am sorry for your loss (or perhaps happy that she moved onto a place without any pain?). Anyways, you did a great job and I really liked reading it. Good luck in the contest!
~Nikki -
beautiful poem, it was very storng, keep it up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
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very deep and lovely write great job keep up the good work
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I enjoyed reading your poem, the metaphores you used were great..this was very deep poem..I liked those three lines a lot:
Though she smiles and laughs, she's weak, and I can't bear
to look upon this person, this stranger, whom I can no
longer say that I know, but that I once knew.
they are very heartfelt..best of luck in the contest..
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wow...
im speachless...
beutiful
<3 crisis -
excellent
Extremely touching piece with a variety of emotions. well done
imagery is wonderful -
WOW... a very deep and emotional piece..Can feel the pain and love in each line. Great job
Soulful Woman
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