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I'll Give You Violets

He loves me so tenderly, he's so
sweet sometimes, so romantic.
Looking into my eyes, saying
"I'll give you violets to match it."

I knew he was sorry, I could tell
because he kissed it better then.
He gets so very worried when he
doesn't know where I've been.

He didn't think I'd actually fall down
the stairs when he tripped me that time.
It's just that I'm such an unbelievable
klutz, really, truly the fault is mine.

The hospital room looked beautiful
with violets all over, I mean everywhere!
He's just so intense, he loves me
so hard, it proves how much he cares.

He can't help making love so rough,
he's always blamed it on my allure.
He had absolutely no idea that
I couldn't breath anymore, I'm sure.

And now he gives me violets,
without fail, every single week.
But I don't know why he doesn't
answer me anymore, when I speak.

As if I'm invisible, he looks
right through me, I feel so alone.
I'm not sure where I am, or why
my name's etched on that stone.



*

 

Author notes

This comment is not related to the contest, just something I looked up after writing this:

~*~In America alone a women is beaten every 9 seconds
~*~Domestic Violence is the Leading Cause of Injury to Women Between the Ages of 15 and 44 in the United States - More Than Car Accidents, Muggings, and Rapes Combined
~*~The March of Dimes Reports that Batterering During Pregnancy is the Leading Cause of Birth Defects and Infant Mortality
~*~According to the FBI, Uniform Crime Statistics, about 1,500 women are killed by their husbands or boyfriends each year.
Written September 7th, 2006

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 99 of 103     1 2  next >  (show all)

  • EvenStarsBreak--x
    January 1, 2008

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    This is truly amazing, it is very powerful and really well written. Congratulations on your gold trophies. Good job, keep writing.


  • Candy6
    August 25, 2007
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    The background is beautiful and the poem is beautiful. Violets are a beautiful purple flower.


  • Ktulu Blackwolfe silver member
    July 29, 2007

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    I can see why this won the gold. This is purely a powerful and an utmost heartfelt write. And the ending, sent chills as I read it. Congrats to you.

    **Ktulu Blackwolfe**


  • Tangled Angle
    July 29, 2007
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    Amazing, as it was before.


  • alco
    July 25, 2007

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    I have a hard time commenting on this. I was married to a very abusive man, for four long years. He of course every time he beat me, afterwards said it was the last. I even moved over 1,000 miles away from my home with him, as he convinced my our marraige would be better, if only our families didn't always interfere. He promised once we moved, he'd never lay another hand on me. That lasted all of two weeks after the move. A year and four months after we moved, I moved home, and divorced him. I remarried a year later. 2yrs after I divorced my previous husband, we found out that he had molested my daughter(not her bio dad) for pretty much the whole marraige. Twice he was indicted for first degree rape of a minor, and twice it was dismissed. He was indicted for her ages of almost 4yrs to almost 6yrs, as that was the time frame she could remember. But now he is a free man, and we share a son, age 9 1/2, who we have joint custody of. At the time of our divorce, when i agreed to joint custody, i didn't know what he had done to my daughter. As a survivor of incest myself, i will forever be riddled with guilt for not seeing what was going on right under my nose.
    As for your poem, you have written about a horrific subject, and done it delicately. I commend you for that. Very, very well done.-Monica


  • MuddyKing
    July 22, 2007

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    this write was not in a quickie contest...so it can't be eligible for a trophy...you have time if you have one


  • Riftkin gold member
    July 22, 2007
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    That is one hell of a powerful poem and the note with it gives it more of a punch.


  • soulfultia gold member
    July 10, 2007

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    Domestic Violence is a horrific statistic in this country and I feel certain many others. We must learn the signs and possess the strength to walk away early so we do not become statistics, my line of work has shown me these signs, I pray many others find them soon enough. Outstanding write, congrats on the Gold, but more so...congrats on this profound write and may many others read your words...~Tia

  • littlemandy
    July 8, 2007
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    Well written.

  • pinkgalexy
    July 7, 2007
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    AWESOME!

    i loved it! it really can teach people a thing or two.


  • Tamera
    July 7, 2007
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    This is so subtle and carries such truth. So many women feel they are to blame. Wonderful write.


  • quirkykitty
    July 6, 2007

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    I love the subtle feeling of something amiss in this piece. It makes me sad, for the poor soul who doesn't seem to know how he's really hurt her. Or, perhaps it's what she is just telling herself... Add to that the fact that she doesn't know she's dead, and it makes me want to reach out to her all the more. Very well done, I enjoy how you capture such intense emotion (of the speaker and the reader )


  • klassy lassy
    July 6, 2007

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    This is a bruise upon every woman's heart and the word "travesty" doesn't begin to touch upon the gravity or loss of women in this situation. Animals treat their mates better than this. I suspect the statistics are inaccurate, not that it matters. One victim of this abuse is too many!

    Amazing impact in the thought behind this write! Well done!


    ~ Karen


  • Junesmithster
    July 6, 2007

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    this poem is sad about the violets on the grave
    eye miss you poetress ill try the messenger tomorro


  • requiempoet gold member
    July 6, 2007

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    Doesn't that make you so angry!!! I wrote a poem on here regarding that same thing, except it was from personal experience.Luckily I got out of it. I think it's sickening how someone could treat another human being like that. THEN pretend that everything is ok when CLEARLY it's not! Sometimes they can't even do anything until it's too late! I wish I could give you all of the applauds in the world but sadly Kevin only allows me three.


  • Sunshine Always
    July 6, 2007

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    A voice from beyond ! a truly deep and meaningful piece that I personaly can conect to. The statistics are frightening the pain is real. Excellent...mal

  • Andy Miles
    July 6, 2007

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    Excellent

    excellent, the progression draws you in and the choice of common everyday vocabulary makes the poem more powerful. I thought at the start the piece was on love and only midthrough realised it was on death...


  • ShatterglassSecret
    July 6, 2007

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    this is absolutely enthralling, and so extraordinarily beautiful. it catches at the mind, whispering that something isn't right, despite the romantic and loving tone of the poem. it isn't until your last stanza that you start to suspect that something isn't quite right...and then that last line hits, along with the picture for extra impact, and it takes the breath away. your imagery is pristine, and not a single word is wasted. the simplicity and sweetness of your speaker is realistic and pure, capturing the essence of a victim refusing to believe that she is being abused. your statistics in your comment also add meaning to the poem, showing how it tragically relates to the real, modern day world. thank you for sharing this piece with us and for getting your voice out about something that actually matters!


  • Dlvvanzor
    July 6, 2007

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    That was incredible. She just sounds so innocent and sweet and then you realize as you read what's going on. For the first two stanzas you can kind of pretend that everything's nice, but then you get to the tripping and the hospital and you can't deny it anymore. Then the gravestone and there's no doubt. The first time I looked at the picture I didn't see the ghost, then I looked back up at the poem while writing this and I suddenly saw it. Freaked me out.

    Amazing.


  • Legend silver member
    July 6, 2007

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    I can See why someone would spotlight this one and why it received a gold, It is a very powerful write and one that is all to often reality as your notes stated.Why do some people think that love hurts.I will never know what keeps anyone in such a relationship
    A poem that was well worth the little detour to read Excellent


  • jfluffy
    July 6, 2007

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    It's really sad

    It creats an image in my head a sad!Anyone can see how you feel sooo sad thoughhh!!But a very good one


  • s h a r d s
    July 6, 2007

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    wow, this is incredible
    like serious goosebump-age
    i love the stanzas

    "He can't help making love so rough,
    he's always blamed it on my allure.
    He had absolutely no idea that
    I couldn't breath anymore, I'm sure.

    And now he gives me violets,
    without fail, every single week.
    But I don't know why he doesn't
    answer me anymore, when I speak"

    they are just so innocent.
    i love it
    xox


  • Vashman
    July 6, 2007

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    omg goosebumps, literally all over my arms...
    that was just... whoa I didn't quite get it and then it jsut clicked and I shuddered all over.
    Wow.
    so intense and abosolutely great!


  • grannyeri gold member
    July 6, 2007

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    Such a sad write - so much emotion in these lines - love these flowers, and pansies, but not for the reason this woman received them. Well worth the read, and a great golden winner.


  • michichoeret
    July 6, 2007
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    amazing

    painfully apt. nice simple low key


  • KeYsToNe123
    July 5, 2007
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    amazing

    it is so powerful, so amazing, so sad though.


  • midnight eyes
    July 5, 2007

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    Blibks, with my jaw wide open I don't know what to say. This poem was amazing, but so sad an it was beautifly writen.


  • Dirty and Broken
    July 5, 2007
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    wow
    that is an amzing and powerful poem
    but very trajic, made more so by the truth behind it


  • Thrilla N9nna 503
    July 5, 2007

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    I agree with the chick below me. This is heartbreaking. And I know you said that the comment was not related to the poem, but thta is really sad to think about it. You are a wonderful writer. Kudos on this piece, it has so much feeling.


  • honeybrown
    July 5, 2007

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    wow! heartbreaking write. such emotion and passion is clearly evident by your words. i love that as beautifully written as it is, the message is clear. great write
    luv always
    Jenae


  • princessleejwctlvr2
    July 5, 2007

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    wow. This is pretty powerful. It shows your emotion. Your words are very tender and very Beautiful. It is super heart breaking though. May this never ever happen to you. I love the poem. Its a great write


    • DK akaLunaticSerene gold member
      July 6, 2007
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      Thank you! I hope women in this situation realize the importance of getting out while they can!


  • Cant-touch-this
    July 5, 2007

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    A serious case of being loved to death and blinded by love...This is just heart breaking...I see so many women everyday just like this and it breaks my heart all over again each time Thank you for sharing and I do hope this is not you

    • DK akaLunaticSerene gold member
      July 6, 2007
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      No, not me at all, but a truth in many lives, I only hope that this poem one day makes one battered woman get out while she can! Thnks!


  • David Pekrul
    July 5, 2007

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    This is a very haunting and sobering piece. There are so many abused women out there who think like this, until one day it is too late. This poem sends a very strong message. Very well done.


  • AngelicMistress gold member
    July 5, 2007

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    I am Speachless....

    Dianne::f

    This is so damned true, I KNOW OF SO MANY cases and the I'm sorry's.....

    Other than knowing you as a fellow poetess from another site and how involved you get with the child abuse, etc. (in writing,etc) I -in my heart- know for sure that you have a reserved place in heaven, God is watching over you because you care, and it is sincerely.

    I have cried with this piece, because it touched my heart in a very special way.

    I thank you for sharing with me in this site as well as in other's.

    Be blessed with love, light and things good always.....

     

    My hat is off to you my friend.....

     

    With much respect,

    AngelicMistress...Tanya (shangrilatcg) 


  • pine-needles
    July 5, 2007

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    wow. love how it starts so innocently and deceptively sweet, but there is an mounting menacing undertone.

    "Looking into my eyes, saying
    "I'll give you violets"- and then suddenly the puzzling "to match it," something not quite right, which comes increasingly clear.

    everything here is the classic portrayal of an abused woman, as is the structure of the narration, which i have seen before, but for the first time for me it was executed absolutely perfectly and had very powerful impact. the ending caught me by suprise, even in death she is in denial and making excuses to decieve herself.

    "He didn't think I'd actually fall down
    the stairs when he tripped me that time.
    It's just that I'm such an unbelievable
    klutz, really, truly the fault is mine."

    the use of violets is very clever effective and this is extremely well written. wow. shakes you up a little... and that's a good thing. wonderful job!

    • DK akaLunaticSerene gold member
      July 6, 2007
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      So glad to see somebody catch that little nuance in the first line, looking at her poor eyes, with hues of violet bruising, you got that! YAY! Thanks for the wonderful comments!

  • LuvLikeCrazii
    July 5, 2007

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    awwwwww....i like this one...and i know how rough love is....and it isnt good....i mean you really made everything clear...so hopefully nnow girls and women can see what will really happen.....thatnks for the great write...


  • Amera gold member
    July 5, 2007

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    I found this in the Sporlight, as I was reading I wondered why I missed it or why you didn't link me to it. Then I looked and it was written befor I became a member. This really is one of the best you have ever written Sis.

    Love,
    Amera ♥

    • DK akaLunaticSerene gold member
      July 6, 2007

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      Thank you my sweet sister, this is one that I hope one day, one woman reads it who needs her eyes opened, and that would be a lifetime's reward for writing, thanks my sweet sister!
      xxoo
      dk

  • mcheadle
    July 5, 2007

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    TO TELL THE TRUTH

    It is best being truthful at all times. Lies can lead one into trouble that one may not be able to getout of. Fun is fun butt after a while some forget that fun was over and pain has taken a hold. then one is a victime and the other knows not when to stop , because he is still having fun. peop;e dp have fee;ongs and alot of people get carried away thinking fun last forever. mac


  • They Say Shannon
    July 5, 2007

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    Awe, this was written very beautifully and I like the touch that you added with the consistancy of violets.


    Nice job,
    and it is a sad thing what happens with this subject.

    <3


  • mentalseductionz
    July 5, 2007

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    LOVE OF...

    Not just quality but also quanity LOVE OF...perhaps misunderstanding but LOVE OF...a tight bond...that has Ur name etched even 2 that place of beyond


  • Sesheta
    July 5, 2007

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    Oh good lord, I did not see that coming! Just...wow. My eyes are still bugging out of my head! This is beautiful, depressing, horrific poem, terrible in it's greatness. I applaud your work, and agree with the feature on the front page!!!!!!


    • DK akaLunaticSerene gold member
      July 6, 2007
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      Thanks so much! It's absolutely gratifying to have that kind of effect! Thanks again!
      xxoo
      dk


  • Melodies
    July 5, 2007

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    I have thought about this poem... although this is the first time I've read yours. Thought about how it might be for a woman who dies from abuse when her spirit is released from her broken mortal flesh. Does she still have feelings for the man? One of the most conspicuously excellent poems I have read in a long while.

  • Mercury Rising
    July 5, 2007

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    Congratulations on winning the gold trophy. You surely deserved it and more for speaking so eloquently about the abominations of domestic abuse.

    D.D.M.


  • JohnnyD gold member
    July 5, 2007

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    Cinnamon,

    How on earth did I miss this write of yours? Even from last September? I am appalled I did so and so sorry as this is really marvelous, truly it is, I could add a thousand more words concerning this topic but you alread know exactly what my thoughts are on the subject, so we'll just let the others guess.

    but yes, marvelous... like you

    Len


  • Jonathan ROBIN
    July 5, 2007

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    O Brave New World

    "Yet each man kills the thing he loves
    By each let this be heard,
    Some do it with a bitter look,
    Some with a flattering word,
    The coward does it with a kiss,
    The brave man with a sword!"


    Ballad of Reading Gaol ... Oscar Wilde


  • billpoet silver member
    July 5, 2007

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    thanks for writing

    a really really really good poem - which magnificantly by light years surpasses the novel Looking For Mr. Goodbar, both in literature quality and in effectiveness and in breavity. Only if there was an Allwomen domain that all women clicked each day, and on which your poem would be front page forever, can the message be rammed home. But what is to be done to the abusers? Might first offence elimination of certain anatomical appendages be sufficient? But not the below the belly-button one, more effective would be the riddance of the one that resides above the shoulders. I think that would work, though I don't know how to write a poem about it, and you are far too soft and graceful to. Now I am ending to read your other writes. You might try my poems, I think you will enjoy them. billpoet on Allpoetry

    • DK akaLunaticSerene gold member
      July 6, 2007
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      Thank you so much! Well, my voice can change depending on what's needed, I write from lots of different perspectives! I look forward to reading your work!
      xxoo
      dk

  • meganc
    July 5, 2007
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    wow


  • HeavenScent4U
    July 5, 2007

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    this is one of the most POWERFUL poems i have read in a long time....i wasn't sure where this was going at first but it slowly revealed itself to me...it's really kind of nausiating to read but only because i was one of the lucky ones to survive this....i got out the door right as the 22 shells were flying...it is my wish that any woman in this kind of situation could read this poem...it took me many, many years to leave my marriage and i sit wondering now why so many woman stick to these relationships...it's like having been there i do understand but also having been there i know how bad it is and wonder what took me so long to leave it all behind....mind if i feature this for you?

    be well and be blessed and by all means please keep penning

    • DK akaLunaticSerene gold member
      July 6, 2007
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      I am honored and so delighted to hear that you got while the getting was good! Congratulations and thank you so much!
      xxoo
      dk


  • Rose-Quartz
    July 5, 2007
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    A very powerful poem

    This should be published and read by women everywhere. It would give them strength


  • MourningSun
    July 1, 2007
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    Amazing job on this and a great way to show how domestic violence hurts. Great job.


  • PoetsAngel
    July 1, 2007
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    I clicked, started reading, expecting this to be a soft romantic write...the undertones were starting to make me feel very different, then "POW" the pieces fell into place and I am stunned. The way you have written this is nothing short of brilliant. And the last two stanzas just awsome.

    Cathy


  • 2lullabyhaven
    June 29, 2007
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    Wow

    This is some stunning poetry, do succinct and true to the whole complicated experience of what the people involved go through. I have been there, and believe me you captured the whole story of it to the gritty core. I would know. lol You have so earned this trophy this time. lol Keep keeping it real.


  • Tangled Angle
    May 27, 2007
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    I would argue that this is your best one ever.

    • DK akaLunaticSerene gold member
      May 27, 2007
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      Wow thanks! And taylor made for round five, isn't it? Now I'll really have to work to top it! Good thing I've got till 6/2! lol!
      Wish I could use this one...oh well!

      • Tangled Angle
        May 27, 2007
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        lol You will be able to, that is, if you make the finals. [unless you top this]
        (in the Champion and Adult Idol)


  • Jonathan ROBIN
    January 13, 2007
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    Comments superfluous

    Congratulations being the order of the day


  • The.Stars.Go.Blue
    November 26, 2006
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    Just coming to leave another comment on this piece. I was so enticed by how you embodied this person, and you deserved gold for that round. I really wish you would have done all four rounds; you would have done so well. Great job.

  • DK akaLunaticSerene gold member
    October 8, 2006
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    Oh thank you, I see you are very kind and gentle hearted and though I will not be able to reply to all or reciprocate until tomorrow (family day here) I wanted to tell you so as not to worry you over much considering you got my list of horror writes, that I have a much longer list of hopeful and happy and spiritual, and that I nearly ALWAYS am writing from a fictional perspective when it's a personification. Just purely for entertainment value except the ones about my kids and a couple of lovely doveys to my hubby. The rest is all pure imagination and I sent the list of my "halloween" reads so you might be getting a misimpression and especially with this one, so I got special permission from the committee of "no computer on sundays" so I could thank you and reassure you and let you know I'll be on tomorrow to reply and read, thanks again!
    xxoo
    dk


  • Heartofacircle
    October 8, 2006
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    ouch ...making love so roughly. I dont like the sound of that at all, and its not even love at all when it is done like that, love is so soft and is very flowing. nothing like what you described, and its only usual your confused, well done piece, thanks for sharing, keep up the awesome poetry.


  • Cherry.Cyanide gold member
    September 18, 2006
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    definitely deserved the win
    congratulations and this was a fantastic write

    <3 roxie
    ~xoxo~

  • xnoonespecialx13
    September 7, 2006
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    this made me cry..really..it made me really sad


  • nobodys looking
    September 7, 2006
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    This is very good. I like how you made it seem as if she didn't know she was dead. It's very sad and sweet.
    As if I'm invisible, he looks
    right through me, I feel so alone.
    I'm not sure where I am, or why
    my name's etched on that stone.

    is the best part in my opinion.

  • DK akaLunaticSerene gold member
    September 7, 2006
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    Lol! Only you, ya sicko! HEH heh heh, now you triggered my sick humor button...she's gotta be like violet jelly by now eh?
    Ugh!
    DK

  • DK akaLunaticSerene gold member
    September 7, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Well,I was in the mood to write something dark or eerie when I printed your list of titles and was looking them over and kind of playing with putting them in different order to be a poem in my head. "I'll Give You Violets" struck a melancholy tone to me, it almost sounds like I'll give you violence....so my mind twisted it, thinking violet/violence = a black eye. And it just came out from there. In most long term relationships, it seems like guys don't give flowers except for special occasions or if they feel guilty about something, or to apologize. I've never been a domestic violence victim, but I've dated more than a couple of guys, who seemed to have that potential, I dropped them like hot potatoes, but so many times abusers seek out women who are insecure, or not used to alot of attention, not assertive. All the dramatic representations you see of the "battered woman syndrome" has the woman blaming herself and protecting their abuser. I just thought the image of being given violets created such an ironic contrast to abuse... so when thinking of the "why" behind the title, this came out.
    Thanks for the great comments!
    DK

  • The.Stars.Go.Blue
    September 7, 2006
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    These types of poems and I have a love/hate relationship, simply because I hate being faced with something I have no control over, but I usually love the way people tell these stories. Yours was so original, I couldn't help but read it twice. It's amazing how you took such a simple title and put this idea with it. The imagery you included here made me want to cry, literally. I'm not one for being overly-emotional, but something about the 4th and 7th stanzas just hit me.
    I have to know, how did you get your inspiration for this?


  • PerVirtuous
    September 7, 2006
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    Nobody reads this anyways

    In America alone a women is beaten every 9 seconds ... Boy! I'd hate to be her! What a life! But seriously, excellent writing.

  • DK akaLunaticSerene gold member
    September 7, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Yes, it is very sad, your comment when you said "hopefully most of these people do not die" Prompted me to look up the actual statistics....very scary, I'm going to add this to my authors comments as well, but I wanted to share it with you particularly:

    ~~In America alone a women is beaten every 9 seconds
    ~    ~Domestic Violence is the Leading Cause of Injury to Women Between the Ages of 15 and 44 in the United States - More Than Car Accidents, Muggings, and Rapes Combined
    ~~The March of Dimes Reports that Batterering During Pregnancy is the Leading Cause of Birth Defects and Infant Mortality
    ~    ~According to the FBI, Uniform Crime Statistics, about 1,500 women are killed by their husbands or boyfriends each year.

    I was horrified that it was so bad. Thanks for your thoughtful comments!
    DK

  • DK akaLunaticSerene gold member
    September 7, 2006
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    Thank you very much! I'm honored to be on your favorites! I like poems that say "Boo!" at the end too, it's like that candy, what's it called....oh yeah, "zots" regular hard candy but at the end this tart pixie stix type powder fizzles in your mouth. LOL!
    Thanks again!
    DK


  • Soulful Woman silver member
    September 7, 2006
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    OMG...This gave me chills...I did not expect the ending and it just sort of crept up on the reader. The wording was incredible with the build up to the end. A great piece and very unique.
    Good job
    Soulful Woman


  • Aidenn
    September 7, 2006
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    great

    Wow! Didn't see that one coming. Amazingly done! I remember reading something once called "He gave me flowers today" inside my school, and this reminded me alot of that freeverse. This is amazing. What a write! I hope you don't mind, but I added you onto my favorites. Excellent write!


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    September 7, 2006
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    This is a really good poem and really touched me inside. It turned out differently and unexpectedly at the end and it shook me... It's sad when this happens to woman isn't it? Which does happen, although hopefully most of these people do not have to die... It's a tragic thing and it shows you how you have to turn away from someone who even shows the slightest signs of abuse or violence... That's what you must do, I hate to it was getting too late...

    Brilliant work keep it up!

    I was gonna ask is this about you but obviously not now.

  • Cinnarry gold member
    September 7, 2006
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    very well done

    yes, this does make me mad and sad at the same time, reading it over again it felt very eerie and uncomfortable. Your graphics play a nice part in it's cohesiveness with your piece. This can make you shudder, make you sad, and piss you off all at the same time. Good write.


  • MayDecemberSun
    September 7, 2006
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    Abusers so often kill their victims--and you really made this clear in this poignant piece. I love the violets. Absolutely not cliched.


  • DK akaLunaticSerene gold member
    September 7, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you! I'm glad the last line said "Boo!" That's what I was going for!
    hugs!
    DK

  • charlee
    September 7, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    Wonderful description of an abusive relationship and how the abuser always makes the victim feel to blame and then is so sweet in ways that make them think that he surely just loves them too much or too strongly..

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