Freckles in the Sun
'I don't know'
Is my mantra,
rock climbing the plethora of chemically enhanced psychology books,
mental disorders that multiply,
as petri dishes of mind fucking bacteria to infect the colony
the cusp of civilization is bent on being bent
Fear of freckles in the sun, and wrinkles in the dress
While I hike mountains of dead bodies,
people killing full formed, wholly lived people in an abortion clinic
for killing half formed, unlived people to be
(exterminating both in the process,
gloating 'That's what you get')
And all I can see are graves doubled over and under, piles of wool in
yellow grass pasture. Because Dolly is the first cloned sheep
and she is she is she...
Knit me a coat, and let her die already.
What do you know, but what you've been told by others?
While, Dubba brushes his bush smooth as ecto plasma, busting ghosts
of mass destruction with the same loaded ray gun dildo that he impregnates
his wife with, loaded and a heavy belt, grunting-
'We the people,
and you the woman'
Oh honey,
don't think he don't know what he do,
When he slurps his words backwards and burps red neck errors
Sure he's a dumb bunny,
but it's funny if you really believe he's dumber than you
While he's greasing Miss Liberty's ass in KY jelly,
Never mind false alarms and world warnings
And when he drops the diamond ring in front of her
You and I both know,
she'll bend to pick it up.
Author notes
Alright then Nam, here is my attempt at 'beat'. And from what I read of it, it was nothing more than a rogue group of poets in San Fransico (?) that wrote counter culture, and anti-government and the like. Anything wrote by anyone else after that, under the genre of 'beat', also adhered to those two basic concepts.
There was no specified poetic structure or wording. Other then those two contraints, it was a free for all.
~sigh~
Written September 6th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Beat Poetry by Nam.
2500 points, ended September 18, 2006, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Good Rant by Danna Hobart.
300 points, ended September 11, 2007, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Calling all political poetry. (Any type) by nitefire.
300 points, ended April 23, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Great Rant
you said it all for me too ...lol ...great write like how it is formed ...peace Katie...you deserved the Gold
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mental disorders that multiply,
Oh, how I love this line. I never would have thought the day would come when being mentally ill was considered chic, but everybody has a disorder today. I've known mothers who wanted their kids to be diagnosed with ADHD because then they could blame their childrens's behavior on it instead of their lazy parenting.
And as you pointed out, so many things in the word just don't make sense, such as killing people to prevent the killing of the unborn. There is no logic to that at all.
And I never even thought about the redneck excuses people have come up with to remain ill-mannered and ignorant.
A very enjoyable read. Thank you for entering.
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In re sponse to the problem seen with the "to" in line 7, I think if you were to put a comma after bacteria you would solve the problem. The subject of the infinitive "to inflect" is mental disorders not bacteria. So the line, taking out the phrase would read "mental disorders...to infect" I do believe this is what you want to say and why it seem "right" to leave the preposition in. While I have no idea what "beat poetry" is, I do like this poem. Seems a decent rant.
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Well done, you are very talented.
-Stormy- -
Calculatingly powerful!
uh oh........I have to look at it..I like how you unabashedly confront the monsters and then step back away from the knowledge of it all and the sorrow. Like a fighter stepping in for a few jabs and then withrawing from the formidable opponant. Dont let him catch you! -
i like it. though i must admit i used one of the comments as a guide. very interesting. cant offer a better comment..its just good and worth the read. as always. good luck in the contest.
blu -
God damn! Thanks for the only proper critical review I've gotten on this piece.
And yes, the spelling errors are a sad state of affairs. I just got finished with four days of moving and could hardly see straight. On top of that, my computer went haywire and I had to wipe the whole system out to a clean slate. But my driver is corrupt and now I can't re-upload my word program...
...so I'm literally writing poetry in e-mails to be able to write!
And so... basically I'm fucked. LMAO And the hell if it doesn't show. I've had so many errors in my work lately, it's just sad. I'm just too tired to catch them and I don't have a decent spell check to nudge me. As for this line:
~~"as petri dishes of mind fucking bacteria to infect the colony"~~
It was funny that you brought that up. I had looked at the word 'to' for a long time. I finally opted to leave it in, because when I removed it, it lost context. So I deemed it necessary in this case. But yeah, I double took on that too. Thanx for your input. -
LOL I have to admit I also was thrown by the freakles/freckles bit. If it was on purpose, I don't like it. If it wasn't, man, change that damn thing cause it's driving me crazy. Really.
Other than that, I like this. I don't have much more to say than that (except to laugh about the famous poets and cursing. Now that was funny. Obviously that particular commenter has never actually read a beat poem. Sad little folk)
I'm trying my hand at this contest, just for shits and giggles. I've read beat poetry enough to know I can't actually write beat poetry.
Too bad, really- cause it's some of my favorites.
It's became a quite interesting and popular contest. Definitely something to watch the outcome of.
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hey what ar efreakles? do you mean freckles?
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Good imagery, and a theme that's being explored a lot these days (well, at least by the two of us) A couple of things to mention:
I just can't see the function of the word "to" in this line, "as petri dishes of mind fucking bacteria to infect the colony" seems like the syntax, flow, everything would be better off without it.
Also, are you making word play between freak/freckles? Probably so, just thought to ask anyway.
Here, "dildo that he impregnant's" I believe the word is "impregnates" and doesn't need an apostrophe.
Love the end where it gets Bush-specific. Yeah, we make fun of him for being dumb, and you're right, mostly he's just playing dumb. That's what I find to be especially scary. He didn't talk with a Texan accent in the beginning of his political career. Its a scheme. He taught himself how to say nucular.
The last line says much. We, America, and what's left of freedom take it right in the butt for our lust of the material.
What crazy comments preceed mine, by the way. OK, maybe some beats were "homos," but they're certainly not "brainwashed by the criminal liberal media" whatever gave him that idea?
Oh, and if I posted a list of famous writers who "curse" It would take all day to read. Sometimes the right word is wrong. Too fuckin bad.
Edited on Sep 07, 8:58 p.m. because 'tidying up a bit'. -
interesting...sorta felt like a bit of a rambleing rant. I'm not very politically motivated to share my opinions on such matters outside of a very direct format. I do like being exposed to different types of poetry such as this...thanks for sharing. I appreciate the talent. peace.
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great beginning
great poem
until the cursing
has any accomplished poet
ever become famous by cursing?
think about it -
beat on
that was a fine enough read although im not a fan of beat it can be ok from time to time but it just comes off completely gay but i suppose all poetry can be considered to be a bit of a queer hobby.i think its more that it seems every beat person is like some homo completely brainwashed by the criminal liberal media and in turn trying their best to pass the disease along to the feeble minded sheep that make up the better part of the world or the practically complete population of the beat world.they should team up with mtv and run full force off the edge of the earth.wow,whered that come from???this was a very interesting read to me and id say you did a great job with it. -
This reads stunningly aloud.
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I always love your poetry, hon, but this one was so politically and socially revelvant that I must applaud applaud, applaud again. The free verse was esp appropriate for this subject and contest and I love, as usual, the way you slam a beat.
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Darling
Your prose rhymes not
and then explodes hot
demanding to be heard
with gang bang words.
Your psalms and wafts
likewise doesn't play safe
what do you care
its enough to share.
Smoosh
Janet -
interesting but i wish you would have run it through spell check. there are a few spelling errors and words left out which detract form the fact that you put all those significant words in there. don't be in such a hurry that you do half a job. other wise it is really good. xxx
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I have sat on that rock while chemically enhanced...hell there goes the neighborhood...ahhh the beat goes on
I loved the Dolly, she is, she is...lol
but, what rang throughout was the truth, or how it is perceived by you...and that is the message of beat.
I could have written for this back in the day, but now I have no dog in any fight...just a live and let live cat now...just let em raise the price of cigarettes and guitar strings, and then I'll reconcider.
overall...I dig it...now back to the chemical enhancement bits...lol
peace and hugs
Muddy -
rock climbing the plethora of chemically inhenced psychology books
do you mean enhanced ?
i never could understand when "beat" was... i tried to figure it out and imitate it... but to no avail. ahh.. what can i say... i'm not as smart as i claim [but sssh... that's a secret!] --haha funny, that kind of goes in line with what your last stanza was saying... sorta in some weird way
And when he drops the diamond ring in front of her
You and both know,
I think you are missing a word there...
anywho... not my favorite, once again - yet I liked it better than the last one that I said was not my faovrite. I like it... just don't love it. why? i don't particularly know. some parts were weird, though i look up and read to pick which parts are weird, and can't put my finger on what it is.
but it is lovely, your style, your brain... i do love it.
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