jeans wrinkle behind her knees
23 valleys and peaks
alternate dark and light
for the fade and use and
in the crotch crinkles
gather slightly moist
railroad stitches bend to contours, seams
breaking waves on joints
off the body
onto the floor
mostly limp
but with a trace of rigidity
as though still occupied
her eyes close to a glint
on a wine bottle, sparking
through a dance of dust
one tiny mirror of an electric sea
her face goes red in the flash of a pharmacy bulb
and, shocking below hard cheeks
butter-soft lips collapse under heavy
kisses, or tremble on nights like this
when cats squawk like sirens
in the alley
or wail like distant trains
only near
like veins
and alone
with this private silence
with slick fingers
and with these delicate
impossible lips
Mona shakes like water
as the city burns a shimmering light
one touch -
towers prick the sky
with hot needles
Author notes
this is a repost from my first incarnation at allpoetry
just so there isn't any mistake
and i don't get accused of cheating
i don't have a lawyer on retainer
so, if you wish to sue me, please contact me directly
Written September 6th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- What About This? ~an image contest with a twist by Ariosto II..
1000 points, ended September 19, 2006, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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I'm such a stalker.
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Cheater.
You are never allowed to delete. Just so you know. Because I do come back and read. Often.
This is so glittery in its darkness. -
all that good stuff that david just said goes doubly good for me- i love the mona paintings you do with words- i love the application of mona to this painting in particular-
i suppose i have to sit in on the grand jury on this one- argh-
this reads an awful lot like gold -
m -
Well Loot, setting aside whether this is considered a pre-write or not. (The Supreme Court
will hear the case on Monday). I have NOT seen it before, greenling that I am, and I wish
there was never a question of it's eligibility.
This is, as some one recently commented on one of mine, Woah! Awesome man, soooo
cool (yes she did use the cool word, it warmed my heart).
Andrea who was no brain trust, nevertheless would have understood this piece. She had been
to the places you just took us.
"Mona shakes like water
as the city burns a shimmering light"
...lines like this cannot be topped
I read it and get crinkles behind my knees.
Regardless of the Courts decision, this poem, as they say, rocks.
Proud to have a'Mona' in the contest
thanks, david
Oh and thanks to all for the kind words about the drawing, all of these in this series were tonal sketches
for paintings that never were.
Edited on Sep 17, 11:03 p.m. because ''. -
Dammit! You make me sick ed. I had big plans to enter this challenge and you know I am shadowing you before I enter to make sure I can beat your ass out. You don't make it easy on a girl, do you? Now you got me going back to the drawing board or the writing tablet, as it were. How the hell am I suppose to top something this brilliant? You can't enter this. I protest. I didn't read it the first time you posted it, and am sorry I did this time. Maybe I should stop shadowing you.
Although I have to confess, I love it!
I give up! 
[walks away with tail tucked between her legs] YUP! You bring out the chicken in me, damn rooster!
I ain't wishing you good luck in the contest either. Like you need it! Pfffftttt!
Renee
Edited on Sep 08, 6:04 p.m. because '
'.
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Have I read this before?
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it's clear enough to me.. I do get the sense of ... ignition I suppose my initial concern was that for me it seems almost a sub-poem .. kind of like a haiku placed on the end.. and if I look at it that way.. it definitely connects.. in the sense you mentioned ealier ..becomeing smaller and far more condensed..
and yep.. most of my mashed ones end up sitting in a folder somewhere on my drive.. waiting for something more.. I need to learn to drop the potato before I drive over it..
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one touch, as in that's all it takes for the entire city to be injected with the narcotic, from mona's perspective.
I don't think I have made it at all clear enough, but I can't get away from the way it is. I have edited this tons, and have arrived at this point, and maybe that's all I can do. I have massaged poems until they have become lumps of gray mashed potatoes before and found that sometimes you just have to let it go, like a grown child or something.
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hey.... what about instead of 'one touch' .. you use something like 'on contact' .. ? .. don't mind me...
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Yes you've got that right.. that color application.. is a dead give away.. of course knowing he does helps...
but yep.. no excuse at all.. I'm planning on getting glasses someday. -
One can see the drawing was made by a painter though. That's obvious by the painterly application of color.
still, no excuse for us. -
Me too. I agreed.. LOL
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ooops its not a painting at all. I should learn to read. Says drawing on the contest page. me dense.
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Oh it is Ariosto's contest- Ariosto is an artist, he is not some up his arse jobsworth bureaucrat.
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I am guilty- I give the fly by applause. I did not want to be first, because of course I recognise the poem. But all poems are new when revised, no? And also, when one has written the poem, it is always the poem- one cannot write another poem quite like the poem. The system fails when it preclude the poem. You know I have complete Cavafy, and so many poems are the same poem I wonder if he must write the same poem because someone don't want the perfect poem he write before but want another one which will not be so perfect . PFFFAT.
I am ambivalent about the ending also, I do not recognise it from before- and I think first line is best first line ever. Crinkles behind knees of jeans is so brain and crotch smacking.
I think about this last, and it is needed somewhere, it cannot be discarded because it is an image that is essential. I don't know, yes, now I think it is right. You have to chew on it a bit. -
Well now I know I won't be entering this one.
This has all the stuff that I love about poetry that always brings me to my knees. Wrinkled jeans behind the knees (not to mention the crotch ) butter soft lips. Closing is magnifique.
Desiree
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oh yes. -
what about after 'Mona shakes'.... ? .. instead of putting it closer to the vein?
Edited on Sep 06, 1:45 p.m. because ''. -
this is a poem about Entering. or penetrating. something like that.
try injecting the end somewhere else. after veins? seems like it is a "see it out the window" or off the balcony type sight.
i dunno. do whatever you want. obviously. gosh its nice to just run on here.
i will commence faxing tomorrow. -
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LOL! -
I have yet to send anything else out, but I plan to soon. I really do. I would love another fax if you have something for me. I store them up.
I think i may just cut that end. -
I love the painting too. ..
it does kind of work.. maybe it's more the formatting than the words?
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damn, i took so long Almost Me stole all my lines.
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How come no one comment on this, 18 views no words. People must be nervous if they hang around you they'll get banned too. or its cause your name sounds like Lute, lottsa people read him and don't say nothing there either. So maybe it goes wit da name
Not me though, unfortunately for yous 2, I always have plenty to say.
Well Cheater, Cheater Pumpkin Eater. Of course this is New (p.s. I always fib and tell everyone Monte is my intellectshual property attornee - well that's what I told them over at MeanPoempeople.com). Who could ever forget those crumpling jeans and the gathering moistness. yummy.
how come it isn't: one tiny mirror on an electric sea
I've been against the use of the word "like" lately but it sure sounds like a song here near the train (and love the railroad stiching).
only near
like veins
and all that slick finger slippery impossible lips and shaking like water. Pharmacy is good here with the needle / drug element. I worked in a pharmacy as a kid for years. People fucked up when it comes to their Rx's. Cool job though.
you just for fun try that bit on the bottom on top? I kinda like my last image all that shimmery stuff.
you get more pomes out? ready for another FAX?
right. good luck. hope you win and all that stuffffffffffff.
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a few have suggested the same about the end. I will probably cut it eventually. I wanted to go from micro to macroscpic through the poem, and it seems not to have worked.
I love that painting, btw
Edited on Sep 06, 1:25 p.m. because ''. -
Yep. ..
but repost or not it's good to see it back.. who can forget such a memorable line as crotch crinkles.. ?
and .. it fits the image.. very well.. a lead into it, as well as the tumble after it.
I'd kill the end, if it were me,....
although. granted ..it's a great parting shot..
I don't know.. I think it's because I want the towers before .. the city shimmers..
just my fumbled opinion..
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