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Yours and Mine...

      

Where are the tears that would dry in my eyes,
And smiles that shine on my face as your thoughts pass by?
What about the rain that would wet our hands together;
And the sunshines I would relish forever and ever?
Where are the roads that would lead to your Home;
And the moments that are all gone before they come?

Where are the scented flowers I would bathe you in;
Those trembling lips longing for each other like a holy sin?
Where are the Songs that gave the eternal joys of Life;
And those vows that you said would make you my wife?
Where are those prayers that silenced my yearning desire;
And the choices I wouldn't rather quaintly admire?

Where is that love that was all so selfless, loyal and pure;
And the pains that made all smile in  my life to endure?
Sunny





© sunnystar.

Author notes

Option #3 Wish she loved me as I do...
"Black Heart"

Option 20... Believe in love

Written September 5th, 2006

A contest entry

What did you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 99 of 113     1 2  next >  (show all)

  • Rianna Bear
    March 14, 2007

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    very sad. I like that you made it full of questions...talking to her, but not really.

    good luck in my contest

    *Ri


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    March 2, 2007

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    Love the rhyme scheme, wonderful write overall! Sorry if I am not writing much, just giving you my basic opinion on your piece.

  • vasi
    March 2, 2007

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    I thought it flowed perfectly at the end and had a very postive and emotional vibe to it. Message me if you want your score and make sure to include the name of your poem. Thanks for entering.

  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    February 24, 2007
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    It's great to love and adore and to find something worthwhile in our lives. Beautiful imagery and I love the positiveness you represent here instead of such sadness.


  • Sweetangelgrace
    February 22, 2007
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    Sunny,
    This is simple but explains every emotion of a person. But to tell you right away, I am addicted now to read your poems. I know the answers and the quick cure But I love every words and how it's being use.it is simple, sincere, and heartfelt all in one.

    Well done!


    GRACE


  • honey bear
    February 11, 2007
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    beautiful sunny, beautiful x

  • honey bear
    February 2, 2007

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    thank you for entering this lovely poem, what beautiful romantic words my friend......Where are the scented flowers I would bathe you in...wow so sweet and gentle and yet such yearning, good luck in the contest with this very beautiful write


  • Star Shine
    January 30, 2007
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    Verrrry romantic, I love it, nice style and good rhyme.


  • inaliel
    January 16, 2007
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    so heart wrenching... this is truly a great write keep upthe good work....


  • Disturbed Prodigy
    January 16, 2007

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    this is amazing you have a great pen and i think this is cool keep it flowing and good luck in the contest i know this will win


  • slipperssun gold member
    January 16, 2007
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    Where is that love that was all so selfless, loyal and pure;
    And the pains that made all smile in my life to endure?

    such wistfulness... such beauty ... such imagery
    all of the above and more... it is a beautiful write and thank you for sharing it with us


  • Summer Dawn
    January 14, 2007

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    beautiful poem of love. trying to sell me out with your beautiful lpage setup are ya, well, it ......wo.....nt.......... it wont work. ..... well maybe. anyways, great write sunny thanks for enterring.

    • sunnystar
      January 15, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      HA HA HA Well I tried

      Thank you for the comments and for the lovely words you said about my page thank you so much I very pleased as if I won a trophy...And well to buy you out I guess I tried...


  • Underneath my skin
    December 19, 2006

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    wow, this is very powerful. that was my first thought as I read this. I liked your use of words as well. nicely written.
    .lucinda.


    • sunnystar
      January 15, 2007
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      Thank you

      so much for your kind comments it only Inspires...


  • SarahD
    December 6, 2006

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    This is a really beautiful poem!! Thanks so much for entering and good luck! Blissful Princess


  • Patched Up Ragdoll
    November 29, 2006
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    This was a good poem. Thank you for entering my contest.


  • Kei-Aira
    September 26, 2006
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    This is quite a nice poem, although I do think that a lot of it is a little cliched. I like the imagery used here, some of it is original, but as I said earlier, some of it is rather typical. I really like the form of this - the sonnet is lovely and I really enjoyed reading it.

    Thanks for entering the contest, and good luck.


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    September 19, 2006
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    Where are the scented flowers I would bathe you in;
    Those trembling lips longing for each other like a holy sin?
    Where are the Songs that gave the eternal joys of Life;
    And those vows that you said would make you my wife?
    Where are those prayers that silenced my yearning desire;
    And the choices I wouldn't rather quaintly admire?

    truely so heartfelt journey of the muse touching the depth of the sentiments here brining the muse up over the scenario to believe or not believe .. a great work indeed..


  • Edited
    September 17, 2006
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    Well done a on sweet write. all the best to you

  • me-for-eternity
    September 17, 2006
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    really good

    WoW, tons of emotional stuff in that, its fantastic. the rhythm just works perfectly. the imagery and the descrption really formed an idea in my head. THat must have come straight from your heart, its one of the pest poems ive eva read, i think its just amazing I really do. The rhythm just made it run straight out of my mouth (it was so amazing that I just had to read it out loud to all of my friends after I read it)And you got 287 views in one week! does that not tell you something, that really is outstanding, if i had enough points, Id promote this poem, but I just spent most of them promoting another one, sorry...
    Best of luck on AP, luv u xx

    me-for-eternity

  • Kamfer
    September 16, 2006
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    I think its a good poem. Although it seems a bit cliche but great word usage and rhymeing i like it.
    Please comment one of my poems


  • nilav
    September 16, 2006
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    with all the smooth flow of words love seems elusive...this poem is fantastic.i really enjoyed this poem


  • shadowlyn infinitas
    September 16, 2006
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    oh my, that was beautiful! wonderful wonderful. loved the form, the imagery, the emotion, the description. everything. very very good. ooh, you made me smile, though it does have a touch of sadness to it. best wishes and may peace go with you
    ~shadowlyn


  • Desire gold member
    September 15, 2006
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    Another Beautiful Verse!!

    Oooooooooooh a Sonnet!!
    Beautifully constructed from beginning
    to end
    Love is a powerful voice-
    heard from your Heart!!

    Much Happiness to You always!!
    This one You seek will find
    her way...to You!!
    The path she'll see.. from the rays of Light
    You leave behind

    Many blessings my Friend!
    Best wishes too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • sunnystar
    September 15, 2006
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    thank you so much for your kind words


  • innocence jaded.xx
    September 15, 2006
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    Well, I can see why this poem got so many applauds. Great job with this! AMAZING! I loved how you described everything in such descriptive words! I'm sure you'll do just great in that contest! Good luck, and I hope to see more poems from you!!


  • Ted E Bare gold member
    September 15, 2006
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    Love can only be known for all the happiness and sadness it brings alike. When we ache from such emotion, then we know the love is true for you can't have pain and not know true love. Outstanding piece!

    Ted E


  • Heartart
    September 15, 2006
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    Amazing perfect love lines can i put it ion to a contest please il carry onyour author signatures with it too please..


  • sunnystar
    September 15, 2006
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  • Ami amour
    September 14, 2006
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    Stunning poem Sunny. The rhytm just right and filled with a lot of emotions. Keep up the good work. Ami


  • Xxthe angry gothxX
    September 14, 2006
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    wow, this left me stunned. i never thought of looking at love from this deep of a point of veiw.your piece was very well put together. execellent. and good luck in the contest.

  • Dark Raspberry Fizz
    September 13, 2006
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    i love this poem this is very good work. ever thought of getting it published i could hook u up with my publisher

  • sunnystar
    September 13, 2006
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    hi granny this is though not personal but there is a sense of questioning because i never see true love around these days don't we so i thought i ll just let my heart flow and float for the yearning desires...


  • catz Moderators member
    September 13, 2006
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    Awww, sunny, this is a heartwrenching poem, and if it's personal, you've done a great job of expressing your pain at love lost... The emotions sow through the entire piece. Ido hope you'll move on, live with or without romantic love as the case may be... life is full of so many fullfilling moments, cherish each one, welcome it withopen arms.

    A beautiful write

    love and
    Granny


  • September 13, 2006
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    amazing

    wow....amazing and strong, i love it it's beautiful


  • XFaLLen-StarX
    September 13, 2006
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    beautiful..amazin
    gr8 job

    me
    xxx


  • Soulful Woman silver member
    September 13, 2006
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    Ahhh...the frustrations of love. The longing for this person is so evident which makes it so sad. Memories can haunt us a lifetime..But we need to move on to make more memories in our life's journey.. This was well written with honesty and emotion.
    I hope you find peace soon..
    Soulful Woman


  • slipknot babe
    September 13, 2006
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    this was great!
    -Jenn


  • Bubble-Licious
    September 13, 2006
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    amazing

    Well, my sweet sunny, I don't know who has broken your heart this time, but I can only hope that you get through this with as much ease as you do many other things. You seem to be so confident, and it inspires people like me to believe in love, and not stop believing in love. It can get really bad at times, and it can really tear people up. But you have always found a way to simply move on. Slowly but surely, you find a light in the darkness. It's really inspiring.

    Hold yourself together, Sunny. Your sun will shine again soon, and then the smile that you have lost will return with a different thought.

    Much love, as always,
    Bubbles

  • maheo
    September 13, 2006
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    Lovely....I know I should say something else, but I am not sure what else there is left to say....everyone wishes for a great love, and whether it be heterosexual or homosexual it is the same want and desire.....nice write.


  • scarlettohara
    September 13, 2006
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    really touching!!
    beautifully, romantically tragic...but love it!!
    great work!!
    thumbs up!!!!


  • paullallady silver member
    September 13, 2006
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    good

    this is a powerful yearning piece of writing.
    you question your life, your love, your feelings
    in this piece and it is good. good job.


  • StrongSilence
    September 13, 2006
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    All I HAVE TO SAY IS...EXCELLENT....GREAT USE OF WORDS.


  • bolt
    September 12, 2006
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    very nice and really poetic and makes you think about what you're really trying to say with this piece idk what more to say that keep up the good writing or stop the bad writing but i liked this poem and im sure a lot more people with like it as much as i good stuff man..really really really good stuff....laters. ..

    Edited on Sep 16, 2:29 because 'edited by a moderator to remove spam'.


  • Heartart
    September 12, 2006
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    ohhh this is awesome i m impressed sunny..there is the love where is it gone...hmmm


  • mysticstorm gold member
    September 12, 2006
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    This is beautiful. Very well written, so deep and emotional felt.
    Flow is very strong and powerful.
    A sad write of lose that the reader can feel.
    I love it!
    Best to you in the contest!


  • KirstenWar
    September 12, 2006
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    beautiful, it stands strong, powerful, and holds grace. i love it


  • mjseattle silver member
    September 12, 2006
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    What's so powerful about this poem is the sense of longing that pervades throughout. Something is missing and it creates a tremendous saddness in the poet's life. Which is what poets are into: saddness and how to express it, and longing. Good job.


  • Heartart
    September 12, 2006
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    this is awesome you are a genius of word art...

  • Miss Yorik
    September 10, 2006
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    beautifully sad and flowing. Yes, pain is something we all go through at one point in life or another. But without it, we would not be able to appreciate love and joy - and vice versa of course. I love the sweetness of the sadness in your poem - it is full of longing and hope. Questions... they haunt us forever.

    Thank you for sharing and best of luck in the contest.

    Melanie


  • Cherrylv
    September 10, 2006
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    This is a sweet heartwrenching piece.
    You express your feelings of loss so well.
    There seems a deep desire to ask 'why' as well as 'where.'

    A lovely well written poem.

    Jill/Cherry xxxx


  • Anthis
    September 10, 2006
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    wooooww

    really nice
    love it


  • Rym Lover
    September 10, 2006
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    Well you've done a marvellous job!!! so much emotions in one poem !! it seems that love is flowing from your pen !!!I really liked the second stanza its so beautifully and creatively written i hope u win the contest!!!!


  • XKilled InnocenceX
    September 10, 2006
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    wow this is a really pretty poem. it flows really well. you did a great job. I like it very much. Keep it up. good luck in the contest.


  • sunnystar
    September 10, 2006
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    When you Are in Love its all so true..when you are not they are all gone..


  • CrazedThoughts
    September 10, 2006
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    Sweet

    Where are the tears that would dry in my eyes,
    And smiles that shine on my face as your thoughts pass by?
    Reminds me of my ex.. He was so sweet.
    To afraid sometimes for words.
    I knew it was there.
    Tell me, are these words true?
    Other than that, outstanding work.
    Aly~


  • freespirit51
    September 9, 2006
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    Nicely written sonnet. It is truely easy to see the love you feel for this Lady in your life. The words sing praises to your love and you should be proud of this beautiful piece.


  • Biciaksr
    September 9, 2006
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    I agree, "holy sin" sounds great in the line "Those trembling lips longing for each other like a holy sin?"....I really enjoyed the fact that you used unanswered questions throughout this piece - it added to the mood and emotions I felt as I read it...great job!


  • knaveofhearts
    September 9, 2006
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    i like this very much. you capture the feeling of separation from the one you love very well, and i could almost see the words being played out in front of me. your choice of words is good, in particular, the contradictory "holy sin". I am not usually a fan of the strured poems, but you are able to take the sonnet form and actually make it sound original. Thank you for writing this poem, it has been a pleasure and an inspiration to read.

    ABC

    ps: i just noticed that this is in a contest, so good luck


  • Lady Altheia gold member
    September 9, 2006
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    This is beautiful. I especially like the the phrase "Where are the tears to dry your eyes". I love your word choices. The poem is so heart felt.


  • ShInE45DoWn
    September 9, 2006
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    ^_^

    Wow. This was deep and flowing and just, amazing!


  • suthrnbell84
    September 9, 2006
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    Amazingly beautiful.

  • Elle Ayche
    September 9, 2006
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    What is a hopeless romantic like me to say about such genius at work in poetry except that it is excellent!! :-) A marvelous piece of work, dear Sir!!


  • September 9, 2006
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    Very nicely written. Good luck in your contest.


  • Meribellez
    September 9, 2006
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    amazing


  • OdinsDottir
    September 9, 2006
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    Great powerful poem


  • sunnystar
    September 9, 2006
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    thank you you have been very encouraging.


  • cutiepie gold member
    September 9, 2006
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    Excellent

    The sonnet form is beyond me but I do so admire anyone who meets the challenge head on. Beautiful words that are heartfelt and honest. Nicely done

  • Soulful Woman silver member
    September 9, 2006
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    Beautifully done...Magnificent wording and flow. The reader can feel the love and emotional attachment through every line. Thank you so much for sharing this piece..
    Soulful Woman

  • XbrokenXforeverX
    September 9, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    deep and flows together nicely. great poem.

    mcuh love,
    kristen


  • Angelwatchingme
    September 9, 2006
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    Wow. This poem was deep, and you truly showed your heart in such an emotional piece. It is not an easy feat to accomplish in a sonet, but you have done well.


  • OnlyInMyDreams
    September 9, 2006
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    This was truley amazing! so much romance and joy. You really showed your emotions through this piece. And I thought that your use of rhyming was excellent. The rhyming made this poem work and it was able to project the feelings you wanted your reading to feel. Great Job and good luck in the contest!!!

    XOXO and God Bless,
    OnlyInMyDreams


  • OverTheMoon
    September 9, 2006
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    simply deep!..and powerful,
    i mean like wow!!! this is amazing i can tell you spilled your heart into this one and i loved reading it =]


  • sunnystar
    September 9, 2006
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    thank you


  • sunnystar
    September 9, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    thank you that was an honor...


  • sunnystar
    September 9, 2006
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    thank you ,... i m privileged.


  • sunnystar
    September 9, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    thank you so much it means a lot ot me..


  • Madhumita
    September 9, 2006
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    A marvellous write!

    I am left speechless, don't know what to say and what not. You structured the poem beautifully, and put in your feelings wonderfully well. A very sweet piece, indeed. Sadness expressed, and that too very intensely! I loved the write.

    Anyways, the rhyme scheme was great, and so were the flow and the continuity. The poem began strongly and the strength was continued throughout. The poem was uniform and caught my heart!

    Good Luck in the Contest!

    Madhumita

  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    September 9, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Where is that love that was all so selfless, loyal and pure;
    And the pains that made all smile in my life to endure?

    so heartfelt poem with so much deep painful words..a great work here..


  • eyesofanangel524
    September 9, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is a beautiful piece. Soft, sweet and gentle. Leaves one feeling that love is really out there...Dawn


  • Emmjay
    September 9, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Good Write!

    Good write sunnystar. So many questions, i hope they've been answered. The rhyme and flow worked well in this piece.
    I wish you well in the contest.
    Sincerely -Emmjay


  • Dalaney gold member
    September 9, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    The perfect poem to end my night...Thank you for posting this truly lovely piece.
    Love,
    Lane


  • DK akaLunaticSerene gold member
    September 9, 2006
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    Lovely lament, a true romantic's heart revealed.
    Loved these lyrical lines:

    What about the rain that would wet our hands together;
    And the sunshines I would relish forever and ever?

    Where are the roads that would lead to your Home;
    And the moments that are all gone before they come?

    Where are the scented flowers I would bathe you in;
    Those trembling lips longing for each other like a holy sin?

    A beautiful poem, the rhyme scheme is lovely, and the line count is right. A sonnet usually has an even meter, like tetrameter (8 syllables per line) or pentameter (10 syllables per line). But I don't think the uneven meter detracts from the beauty of this piece at all though. Well Done!
    Hugs!
    DK


  • phsycoawesomeness
    September 9, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    tis awesomeness

    well, i havnt really read any sonnets, but i have to say, that as my first one, it was extremely good, i loved it, nice job and well, keep on writing(duh)


  • from1chalice
    September 8, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Where indeed...has it gone. The emptiness outlined with a love others would seek and likely take, til isolated hearts no more can break...
    this one hit the target,
    chalice

  • innocence jaded.xx
    September 8, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful poem! I love it! Thanks for sharing this great piece! I also loved your choice of words. You have lots of talent and you should definitely do something with it! Good luck with going a long ways with your poetry and with this contest!!


  • Gods child40 silver member
    September 8, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    EXCELLENT!!!

    beautiful poem. with alot of emotions, very heartfelt as well
    keep up the great job! thanks for sharing


  • Desert-Liliaceae
    September 8, 2006
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    Beautiful piece. I really enjoyed reading this, and I'm definitely glad I clicked it. Great job, keep up the good work.


  • Ethereal One gold member
    September 8, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    excellent presentation

    Very beautiful poem. Your words speak of such sadness caused by this persons inablility to return the love you have for them. You have produced some wonderful images with your words here.
    Good luck in the contest.

    Ethereal Melody


  • individuality gold member
    September 8, 2006
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    this is a good piece of poetry that you have written here which i enjoyed reading. a good flow and rhythm dances through. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...


  • CBminstrel
    September 7, 2006
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    A nice piece....it feels sad and yet shows the love that was there as well, a balance that's not always easy to strike. I personally prefer the traditional sonnet 'abab cdcd efef gg' form, but you've done a good job with this one, a good flow, good rhymes, and a strong story and subject that you express well with a good use of imagery, well done :-)


  • Tali28
    September 7, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is a great love poem Sunny. I really like this piece. You did a wonderful job. Best of luck to you in the contest.
    Your friend,
    Tali

  • KP 2 Reborn
    September 7, 2006
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    This was unique, well written and beautiful in a way you could only describe through such a wonderful poem. Love is not easy i suppose, but you make writing about it seem so easy. Your words and thoughts flow so well, like a lake on a quiet, calm night. Thank you so much for sharing, and much luck in the contect,
    All the best and keep writing,
    KP


  • sunnystar
    September 7, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    thank you


  • Disturbed Prodigy
    September 7, 2006
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    i am speechless, and that is a hard thing to do, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest

  • honey bear
    September 7, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    beautifull

    congratulations on another beautifull write that takes my breath away good luck in the contest with this wonderfull write

1 - 99 of 113     1 2  next >  (show all)