Waiting For the Sun
With your wicked
laughter in my face.
My mind wanders
to another place.
I'm waiting....
You knock me down
and step on me.
Like a wounded
and wingless bee.
I'm waiting....
Demons laugh and
scream all around.
Nothing but this
cold hard ground.
I'm waiting....
The darkness that
has taken my sight.
Blackened hell
a cold black night.
I'm waiting for the sun.
Author notes
Inspired from the song title Waiting For the Sun by The Doors
Written September 2nd, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- The Doors by James Barrett.
550 points, ended May 30, 2007, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Green To Gold- Pay It Forward- For HM poems only. by Mercury Rising.
600 points, ended July 8, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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A very good flow and rhythm to this dark take on the doors song. Best of luck in my contest, and thanks for entering.
David
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Very deep, the words really do jump out at the reader. Great write. Good luck in the contest!
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I think the repetition worked well here.. this does have a good flow/rhythm to it. Really liked that first stanza. I am glad you entered the contest, thank you for sharing your talent with us.
~Kristy -
Powerful and dark. Profound. The words jump out at you. Melodic flow and rhythm. Well done! Thanks for entering.
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Usually, I don't care for "pictures/images" placed with a poem,
as for me the poem should stand alone, not to mention, the graphics added, on the whole, don't enhance as they do distract from good, well crafted poetry...having said that, this particular visual presentation here is one of those "exceptions to the rules" one always hears about
...the poetic offering itself demonstrates the wordsmith's beautiful ability to deftly craft something that is both a homage to Morrison, as well as, the more important aspect, delivers something in its contents that is exquistely unique to the presenter/material...the word selection reveals a seemingly natural sense for "words", over and above mere distionary knowledge...the placing, pacing, among other things, and fine aural awareness that seem to, at times, virtually reach out and play physically the very sinews and heart of its receivers...all the while displaying why quality poetry can, at times, out do any visual created!
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Very good my dear, what can I say you have a knack at this.
Elizabeth
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Ktulu this is an awesome piece you have penned here your rhythm and ryhme flowed beautifully good luck in the contest
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Love the beat here , hot tempo full of passion ..
good luck in contest . -
This is a very great piece of art. It almost reminds me of the darkness in my life. Keep up the good work. Best of luck in the contest.
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deep
This was a very awesome and deep write Master Ktulu. You've penned beyond perfection. Thanks so much for sharing!
Kari -
Awesome write, my friend! Shows so many emotions and feelings...wow!
Deep, intense, and well done! I wish you the best in the contest!
Sandy
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