Before the Gods we came,
my Oak King love and I;
to beg them for a way…
{For love – we had to try.}
He walked the sheltered earth,
in coarse robes of bark.
His fierce foliage face,
hid shadowed eyes of light and dark.
From bushy laden eyebrows -
grew vigorous, sprouted sprigs.
Strong arms wore heavy bracelets,
of dappled shrubs and twigs.
Verdant forest leaves,
like weathered -- tattered lace;
{a living mask of gold and green, }
adorned his wild face.
An untamed giant, towering,
midst flora straight and tall.
How could this man – nay god;
for a humble fairy fall?
I roamed the tangle trails,
just a tiny woodland sprite;
with fragile iridescent wings,
of glistening gossamer light.
As I sparkled, in the forest dark,
there was no need to ask the cost;
for when looking into eyes of sage,
I found my heart -- forever lost.
The price of love is never cheap
and often comes with strings
and for us to consummate our love
I gave up - my treasured wings.
The gods demanded this,
to grant us life – mortality.
We loved and dreamed forever.
{But you can’t escape reality.}
We shared passion all that night;
Needing no wings to fly…
Then breathing in his boundless essence
…I watched the oak king die.
Alone, my heart was shattered
But, our love was worth the price and more
Why would I long to fly on wings;
When I’d learned “with him” to soar?
He left me here in desolation,
yearning for emerging spring;
and the radiant rapture that the birth,
of our Oakling son will bring.
Patricia Gibson-Little
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Original Version
Before the Gods we came,
my Oak King love and I;
to beg them for a way…
{For love – we had to try.}
He walked the earth
in robes of bark
His foliage face
both light and dark
From bushy eyebrows
sprouted sprigs
His arms were covered
in shrubs and twigs
Forest leaves
like tattered lace
in a mask of green
adorned his face
A giant towering
straight and tall.
How could he
for a fairy fall?
I a tiny
woodland sprite
with fragile wings
of gossamer light
A glimmer in the forest
I never thought the cost
when looking into eyes of sage
I was forever lost.
{The price of love is never cheap
and often comes with strings
and for us to consummate our love
I gave up my wings.}
The gods granted us a gift,
of life - mortality
and we dreamed of time,
not of reality.
We made love throughout the night
Needing no wings to fly.
Then breathing in my essence
I watched the oak king die.
He left me here alone
waiting for the spring
and the joy the birthing
of our Oakling son will bring.
Author notes
Here it is the original and the revised version. I only wish I’d had the time to finish this poem before the contest deadline. I believe that I’ve enriched the tale without losing any of the charm. (Or whatever those of you who commented not to change it too much liked.) I hope this version works for everyone. Let me know what you think. Thanks.
_____________________
This one needs a lot of work. My computer blew up and I had to start over. I know there is a much better poem in here somewhere, but I don’t have time to find it tonight. the punctuation is really messed up, but the poem is far from where it will be when I finish it.
Written April 17th, 2003
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Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Very good write...creative.
Sam
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This was a beautiful poem that you obviously put alot of work into. I actually loved both versions of the poem. They were absolutely gorgeous and a wonderful tale to read. Just my opinion but I think the first one was written quite eloquently giving the reader alot to think about. I like those kinds of poems. The second one added the defintion to the first.
I hope I am getting this right because I assumed you wrote the first one and it wasn't exactly what you wanted so you wrote the second one. You did a great job! -
Just stopped by to see what you had done with it. You have made great even better!
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I thought it was a masterpiece! Grabbed me at the beginning and kept me there til the end! I find this to be well worded and refreshing...a wonderful tale! Elaina
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Excellent
Nicely put... like weathered -- tattered lace;
{a living mask of gold and green, }
adorned his wild face. I like your style. Good job!
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Excellent!
This is a great write! If the other is half as good you will have worked wonders with your words..As it is to me you have woven a wondrous tale right here upon this screen..One that maybe needs another chapter to finish off the love story! -
Hi Amicus,
I don't know if there were other comments, these are the only ones I've ever seen. I'm glad that you enjoyed this one, and the rewrite is probably going to end up being a whole new poem. (except for a word here and there on this one) The truth is I kind of like this one... It's just not the one that is calling to me. Now if I can just follow the echo and find the poem roaming through my soul; I’ll be set.
Thank you,
Patti
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A little more work could help improve things but the main body I think is good one.
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Definately the beginning of an interesting tale you have here
I enjoyed 
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I LOVE the interpretation, but also agree that it needs cleaned up a bit. What a beautiful and creative story.)
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I must agree with you Angelseeker. I think that you have an awesome poem within these words...it just needs a few touch ups
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