Ashen pillars shed aura in soft pink paint.
Pink as true love that’s been wasted.
Vague eyes dream across the blonde brow.
I drew a drawing that fell on you.
Vibrant light entwined with the scent of rain.
That scent is the love moist upon my palm.
Your love the shoreline that environs my essence.
The blue hope waiting behind distant hills.
The white of your eyes is the shimmer upon the sea
My soul have fell like a fountain in eeriness.
I saw beauty within the darker shades of light.
I drew a drawing that fell on you.
Author notes
On 10 Trophies or Less
by xEvilxxFaeriex on Aug 28, 5:38 for 300 points, won Gold
Written September 2nd, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Anything Free Verse by Blooming Poet.
300 points, ended March 5, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - HELP! HELP! I CAN'T DO IT ALONE! by Tempa Lee.
300 points, ended March 6, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Inspire Me by Little Blue Bird.
650 points, ended March 16, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 47 of 47
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Nice
Thank you for entering the contest and good luck.
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hey this is Dani the judge....i meant to tell people that i will be a little harsh or close to mean if i don't like what i read. it's nice and short and it's ok but if you would have read my work...i like to rhyme in my poetry. but this is ok. good luck in the contest.
~Dani~ -
The visual of soft pink paint is somehow reiniscent to a Greek Scene and your verse is that of, Latin literature. Very good work indeed.
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I drew a drawing that fell on you...
what an amazing line.
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Firstly I would like to thank you for entering my contest!!!!!!!
A most talented write you have penned here, I can see why you have been awarded the trophy's
Some beautiful feelings expressed with your words.... amazing
a masterpiece....
plz put which family member you would like to be
goodluck
Tracey -
This is
a great poem but you have not followed the rules. You see you were suppose to enter poems that were from November 1st, 2006 to March 2007.. Unforunately your poem is too old to be in this contest. Sorry, but I have to disqualify you. Kassie -
Ah, this is a beautiful poem!!
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This is a great write!!! Very detailed and unique. I like it alot! Thanks for entering
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Not surprised by the trophy, it has sheer bliss in its words, depths of emotions and metaphors that bring light and love yet tinges of sadness within your words.
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I dunno wut da heck u jus said. Well ..... wut I said wuz y da hell did u give me dat peaice of crap fo wut I suppose to edit it. U don't random give me a poetry on der page dumbass u neva ask fo nttn u damn duck. lol
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As I stand idle
Gazed to the sea
Waiting the vessel
Of your love
With ponderous eyes
I shimmer inside
Reverberations
Desolate returned new
I yawn to stellar moon
Waiting the horizons sun
re appear
Malabu
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This is awesome...so well-expressed...and even though it's short it doesn't lack anything, and has all the emotions, and is just really deep and powerful. I love the title also, definitely very interesting and catchy, and the whole piece was just wonderful!
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this is nice! i see why you got so many comments!this is great!best of luck!keep up the great writes!countrygurl18
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oh thankyou can't wait to read ur work
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It amazes me how a title can make or break a poem, a poor choice in title almost asures the piece will never be read, but a great choice in title just beckons folks to come take a look.
Your title begged to be viewed and I can honestly say that the viewing was well worth submitting to the beg.
You did an awesome job with this, is not much more I can say, it was just awesome!
Suzi
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I am an acrylic and watercolor paint beginner and I´ve drawn since I was 3 years old, so the title already caught me in, much like the revelation of being exposed when you open up your feelings through a work of art. I loved how you played with the different colors, much like having done a written sketch or record for a beautiful painting, and an awesome mention towards the natural elements as if they were the very canvas and pigments for all the manifestation of your love for this person's eyes, and clever to mention the shades and darker colors as something that lets you admire this person in its wholeness. If you ever paint this let me know...it will make a remarkable work most definitely and I´d love to see it...
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Vibrant light entwined with the scent of rain.
That scent is the love moist upon my palm.
Your love the shoreline that environs my essence.
The blue hope waiting behind distant hills.
ah love, fresh like rain, such a wonder to smile with.
spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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i really really like this poem a great great wirte! keep on writeing and ill read more form you
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Aurielle... I really like this poem. Had to check the title, because the catchy phrase you used here seemed to do the poem a little injustice, but I understand why you went with it now. It's the title of the poem. I just think that it was so beautifully written, to say that "you drew" doesn't really magnify the passion you wrote it with. Now to say, "I created a drawing, that fell on you"... one could sense more depth in that. Not to take anything away from this poem, but as an artist myself... I think you'd agree that there is a deeper sense of satisfaction when we create something. There is so much I could say to you to convey how much you are admired. You got it going on young lady, and I like to see that in young people. I hope you keep doing what you are doing.
Prince
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Hey PointLessOne... don't think so little of yourself. Be more positive about who you are and what you do. I'm sure you can find the most simplest of thoughts, and turn it into something all your own, as Aurielle did here.
Prince
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Thanks for the comment
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I drew a drawing and it fell on you. I love that line. You won gold for this? That's great and well deserved. You did a great job on this. I really love that line...makes me wish I could have thought of that. Why does everyone else write so well??? LOL
~*PointLess*~ -
I thought the poem read very nicely. Thanks for sharing
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that first stanza could be a song verse. I love the title it just has a ring to it. I like the imagery and the feeling the write has. nice job.
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Excellent
Lovely write. Wonderful Imagery. I agree with everything already said by others. Fantastic Job. Thanks for featuring it for all to read. -
Beautiful
Such artistic beauty in your words, I would love to see the drawing you explain so deeply in this wonderful poem. -
oh thanks I appreciated your comment
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i would add a comment ... but there are already so many! i did enjoy ur poem.. and the advice everyone has given you on it is also well chosen.
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Thanks for yuor kind comment
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Bravo!
An excellent, superb piece of poetry! The line used in the title is sensational! I loved it! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! -
Thanks for the applauses and your comment it was very heartfelt i'm glad you liked it
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i don't think i've ever seen a better usage of three short stanzas. you weave words beautifully, and it wasn't TOO cryptic either. i loved it!
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i really enjoyed reading this. I liked the drawing idea and the words you use to make the image i have in my mind.
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This reminds me of the writing of a dear friend of mine. I loved the abstract words that had a meaning and the way that you put it across... elegant and yet so simple...
This was a beautiful write
Thank you for entering and good luck
Faerie
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This is a really great write. I really enjoyed reading it.
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Beautiful imagery..."I drew a drawing and it fell on you" is strong imagery.
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"That scent is the love that moist my palm."
moist - moists (subject-verb agreement)
Lovely poem. It is flowing and calm, yet there is something sad and lonely in the tone. I love this line:
"My soul has fallen like a fountain in eeriness."
I wondering why you didn't use the same line in the end as you used before - it would have made a nice repetition...
"I drew a drawing that fell on you."
Secondly, the title is "I Drew a Drawing and It Fell On You." Just a thought... Lovely, lovely poem. Best of luck in the contest.
Melanie
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Great poem, really enjoyed the read
It was a nice change from what i've been reading lately!
Keep it up! -
Interesting piece. Pretty good imagery. I would, if possible, not use the word "aura" twice, because it is a word that sticks out.
Also, in this line, "Ashen pillars sheds aura on soft pink paint." The word "sheds" should be "SHED."
And in this, "Vague eyes dreams across the blonde brow." The word "dreams" should be "DREAM." -
Good
Very sweet and fluffy to start then balances of through the middle yes I liked it thanks Aurielle. -
I think this is a wonderful poem that has been thought carefully on.
There are a couple of suggestions I would like to make that are very minor things.
The first is in the second line of the first stanza. I think you do not need the 'the' in that line.
In line three of the second stanza I suggest making 'environ' plural because it surrounds your essence. -
What a very beautiful poem you wrote. Thanks for sharing it.
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this was put together wonderfully. i loved how you described everything for the reader so it was easy to understand yet a mystery. great write.
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The flow seemed a little distracting upon first read, but the meaning and originality was deep and enthralling. It even inspired me to combine the essense of God and love of the gift of love bestowed in human/angel form. Excellent poem.
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Excellant / fun/romantic
Ay, a very good write. -
awesome
Very nicely done fellow poet! -
I love your poem. Never give up on writing
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