It's about the girl
with the blue cosmic eyes
like an ocean of sapphire hue
she couldn't see me
but, she was my fantasy
moving and dancing in my mind
She was always dancing...
Platinum hair waving to the motion
she's a thing of yesterday
like a lifeline to a bittersweet past
as I'm tossed about by angry waves
on life's stormy seas
I close my eyes to see her
and she is dancing
a sweet memory with blue cosmic eyes
I'll never be the same without her
though, she'll never see me
she is just my fantasy
And she is always dancing...
Author notes
Picture #8
Written September 2nd, 2006
A contest entry
- Picture leakage by Vernal.
550 points, ended March 6, 2007, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Wonderful write my dear. You really got the emotion across without the cluttery wording that so many people seem to thrive on. Yuck. Teehee. Thank you for entering and good luck.
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Thank you! I am glad you liked this piece and am honored to received the bronze trophy and 50 points
Thanks for hosting this wonderful contest!
~Corvidae
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bbbut i have BROWN eyes!
kidding
lovely, sir. though i liked that other one better...
not a big fan of giiiirls, myself, as i am one.
still well written like all your pieces.
go ahead and pat yourself on ther back, sir.
go for it.
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Heh-heh!
i know what you mean! I don't care for those long winded descriptive poems either! Most of my writes are like this. Kinda short. Thanks for your kind comments and generous applause!
Peace to you
~Corvidae -
Thank you, Luvlustfaery! She was a girl I knew way back when and has died recently. I'll always remember her dancing. Thank you for your generous applause and kind comments!
Peace to you
~Corvidae -
i like how this poem doesn't exactly give reason to why this girl is dancing, she just always is. and its in every ones mind that they have this fantasy person that will never see them. i really like the way you wrote this. nice work!
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lovely write. very expresssive . thanks for sharing.
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The words just flowed just like she was dancing..Beautifully written with soft words and great imagery. Thanks for sharing
Soulful Woman -
I thought the ending held so much more hidden meaning and power
that last lien was a plesant surprise
I'll never be the same without her
though, she'll never see me
she is just my fantasy
And she is always dancing...
Overall, the write might have been a little cliche, but it still worked well. Great Write Father! -
i like the dreamy mood you've created with this
i've dreamt of many characters but have never dreamt any of them twice so a return visit must be magic
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I'll never be the same without her
though, she'll never see me
she is just my fantasy
your fantasy is just like a great reaility as well..so powerful description with a heartfelt love here..
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I loved this piece, nice description in a well flowing write that did not take a century to read. Usually when one gets onto the subject of an object of desire the write goes on and on (mine do sometimes) You conveyed it well and I must say that blue eyes are truly a weakness for me. Great job. Merry Part and Blessed Be.
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Thank you, Dimitri Your comment is beautiful!
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Very good
She is perfection in your mind, moulded by your heart. This is a very well written piece. I enjoyed reading it, and I do, to a small degree, feel a little sad now but she will appear before you one day in the form of another, and you will know it to be her.
Dimitri
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