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Haiku ~ breath

Missing image



breath of life
       wheezes
             into caverns
                     to perish


Patricia Gibson-Williams

Author notes

I have bronchitis…  

I decided to lay it out this way because...  I could.  LOL
Written September 1st, 2006

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • cherche -d -ame
    September 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I enjoyed your write , but more than that your author note made me smile:0 Best wishes in this contest,
    reenie

  • pozo
    September 2, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Great write which I liked a lot. This poem reminded me of death and was a very interesting haiku. I think one of the things about haiku (but then again also about all short poetry) is its subtlety, the way that you can write such powerful messages and still keep it simple. Keep writing, this was a beautiful poem which I liked a lot.
    Thanks for teaching me about the different forms haiku can take I must admit that though I write quite a few haiku I’ve not ‘studied’ it as such, as I have with some other forms, so outside of the basics (and the stuff they tell you at that time) I know little. Thanks also for your helpful and very complimentary comment
    All the best
    Pozo