A whisper rises from darkness
a touch I cannot feel
My mind floods with the memories
you pray I won't reveal
I'm screaming, but I can't be heard
my voice has now been hushed
My body flinches in great pain
from the bones that you have crushed
The marks on my wrists apparent
appears I've been restrained
You fear exposure thinking of
how this might be explained
I lay here frozen from within
wishing that I could rise
I couldn't stop the stinging tears
as you spun your web of lies
I am no longer of this world
I'm hiding in plain sight
Body battered at your hand
my days now turned to night
A whisper rises from darkness
a touch I cannot feel
My spirit won't be broken, yet
these wounds they will not heal
Author notes
Not new but haven't been on for a while and wanting to just get back in the groove...photo courtesy of art.com
A contest entry
- Interest me by Sam-I-Am.
400 points, ended September 5, 2006, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - && Yet Another Beautiful Disaster♥...please enter. prewrites are okay.. by yesterdaysfeelings-.
385 points, ended March 9, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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Keep writing, scribble on napkins and bits of paper if you can't get on...sometimes life interferes, but keep going anyway.
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My mind floods with the memories
you pray I won't reveal
What a sad poem
I hope alot of people read it and give you tons of comments (good ones)
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I loved it... the contradction in the last line hits home with a bang. Hiding in plain sight. I can realte. Don't let them break your spirit.
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i never know with these contest poems whether they are genuine or not... if this is... i feel along with you... if not... you have explained the feelings well. sometimes we need to show our wounds to have them heal.
hugs,
georgie,
xxx -
Great poem
I enjoy reading your writes they flow so evenly and even the worst of exsperiance you add to them some light. Keep writing. I hope everything is ok I noticed you have not been on in a while and I read of your family. also adorable baby there. Most baby's look like little old men or rats, haha mine looked like a allien with a cone head for a day or so lol. -
excellent write!! i really love this thnx for entering my contest~ <33-asmyworldcrashes
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Congratulations for winning bronze in this contest. Such an interesting picture you have for this write - the last line worked well -
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Thank you Victoria, not only nice hearing from you bit such a compliment from you is so touching!!!
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Well once again you blowed my mind. This hit me on so many levels. Well penned Poet. The rythmn and the flow: awesome. I was actually believing I was the person , such strong emotion given. Thanks so much for sharing best wishes to you.
Victoria -
Fabulous write!! This had perfect rhythm and rhyme. Beautifully descriptive. Most deserving of the bronze. Congrats!!
~Lori~ -
Powerful
wow that was very powerful, I could really feel and imagine how that must feel to be trapped that way, in one's own body. Excellent piece.
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Whoah!...wonderfully done!! It's so sad and i really feel bad about the person in your poem, the picture fits it well...this piece has great rythym(spelling?) and flow...the imagery is awesome and i wish you lots of luck in the contest!
~Madd~ -
Thanks alot!
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A brilliant write, and I really like how you wove my line into this,
well done and good luck in my contest,
Indigo -
SO TOUCHING AND BEAUTIFUL
Through all of the pain one always holds onto hope and does not give up, your words express this thought so beautifully.
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this speaks on many levels.
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excellent
Gosh an impressive piece.Gull of emotion.you did a really good job with this well done to you. -
beautiful,you did great on detail and feeling
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That was fabulous! I felt as if I was the person expressing the feelings. You did such a good job. I especially like these lines:
I am no longer of this world
I'm hiding in plain sight
Body battered at your hand, and
my days have turned to night
they flow well together! good job darling.
~Elana -
Actually you did a great job, because I wanted to leave it open. It was intended to be about someone who actually had been beaten so bad to a coma, but there were also parts that I though about them being dead. The frustration more than anything is what I wanted to protray.
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Your title is awesome and draws the reader in. A very well written piece with a great rhyming scheme and meter.I don't have any suggestions, just one question comes to mind, in S6, I guess hiding in plain site could mean a few things...no longer of this world...could mean dead or maybe in a coma, being that the person was battered and his/her days have turned to night. Of course, we all get something different out of each read...wonderful written piece!
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Not a bit, actually, not about me doing anything to myself at all. The contest called for the ending phrase, and I am actually writing of a battered woman, in a coma like state unable to tell the truth of her condition and stuck in a world able to hear the person who inflicted her injury explain it away and not able to do anything about it.
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Great
I like the poem but not the referance to cutting your wrist, I understand that it is something that people do, It just rubs me the wrong way. A bad image, To sad, though it maybe true. Still a great write -
I liked this poem; it seemed quite dark and very well written. Keep writing, I liked the rhyme here, this was a beautiful poem. Good luck in the contest.
Pozo
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I liked this poem; it seemed quite dark and very well written. Keep writing, I liked the rhyme here, this was a beautiful poem. Good luck in the contest here.
All the best
Pozo
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Very impressive and enjoyable write. It was very descriptive and flowing.
I am no longer of this world
I'm hiding in plain sight
Body battered at your hand, and
my days have turned to night
This was my favorite verse for some reason. I guess it struck me the most.
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Moving
"Hiding in plain sight" - This seems to be the norm of our days, masking the truth. I love this line: "My spirit won't be broken, yet." We often get hit by trains, yet once more, we arise. Quite encouraging, thank you. -
Amazingly written.
This is so well written, you have an amazing gift with your flow of words. You really created the images well and I really felt absorbed into the world of this poem. There are so many lines I like, 'my voice has now being hushed,' 'days have turned to night'. Very well written. I'm just amazed. -
We all carry the baggage of who we were before,
when we swallowed the key of darkness...
and safely sealed the door...
NOW THAT IS A GREAT LINE!!! I LOVE IT!! Bravo dude!!! -
X cellente!!
Beautiful write !!!!
Very impressive depth from the dark side of enlightenment.
We all carry the baggage of who we were before, when we swallowed the key of darkness...and safely sealed the door...
WRITE ON!!!
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