The entire body of green pine ripples and waves
as if each branch is a living thing unto itself.
The rough breeze chills her through her clothes
but it's good to be outside.
This wind is chillier than most wind born of a day in early September.
It whips her hair
and makes the pines rock and quake along with its gusts.
The overcast solid sheet of sky tints the whole world gray.
Her shoes sink into soaked turf
Cold raindrops cling to blades of grass,
mud oozes, puddles are everywhere
in this beat-up, worn-out world after the storm.
Peace will come
but it's not here yet.
Author notes
Written September 1st, 2006
What did you think
Comments
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I was home recently, and the thing that brought me the most peace was when I was in my back yard, looking up to the canopy of the woods. I couldn't remember how long it had been since I last felt that ... felt the trees swaying in the wind, the entire forest coming to life in the fall breeze, carrying the leaves away. Your first two lines here brought that moment back. There are few images that I love more than the wind rocking trees back and forth.
Oh and the soaked turf! ... you're really playing with images I've missed, because I want so bad to feel that again! I get so caught up in all this college mess that I rarely take time for anything anymore.
I'm sorry I couldn't comment deeper than on the imagery. But for me, that's what makes this work. You have masterfully articulated the emotion.
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Thank you for your comment...imagery is my absolute favorite thing, kind of a game I play sometimes to see if I can make it sound just like I felt. I'm glad it worked. : )
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The poem leaves one womder what the story is behind the women. Did something happen to her? I agree with the comment above, you have some awesome images going on. I like the images of her actually in the storm. That would be a coll area to expand in your poem. I really like the third to last line. Is the "her" left beat up and worn? Maybe give a describtion of an exact place. Is she on the east coast?
Well awesome, keep writing. -
amazing imagery. I actally started feeling a little cold and damp. I really especially like the last two lines. Excellent job!
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