Just rip my tiny heartache up
There’s nothing wrong you fucking cunt
Don’t believe the words, the lies
Don’t believe your bleeding eyes
Don’t feel pain
Although your porcelain features shatter
Tears push through my skin
Oozing memories scrape down my flesh
Disfigure my scarred face
Trembling fingers try and piece together
Bits of me that tumble, shards fall apart
And puzzles which don’t fit together
(tumultuous type of weather)
(a thunderstorm ruins the surface of my heart)
Author notes
Written August 31st, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I like this. It is dark and filled with some nice imagery, all flows nicely and makes your point. I especially liked the first line and how it seems to show the emotion very well. Also, "your porcelain features shatter" is a very nice phrase. Beautifully written, I wish more dark poetry were this good.
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damn dude!
hope things are better now. -
Great poem and as for the ‘fucking cunt’- I think there is a certain power to those two words being placed there. It’s interesting how two very strong words like that can be stronger than a whole load of ‘shits’ and ‘bloodies’- well done for using the two powerful words instead of weaker and more often used swearwords (why is it I feel very young when I say ‘swearwords’ but don’t know any other non-judgemental term for it? Weird) Keep writing, this was quite a dark poem. It had a very strong sense of anger about it
Best wishes
Pozo
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ohh this one much improved by your bob
i really liked you but again this bunny bunny this is not the actuall use of it
well hi man how r u?
long time havent talked with you -
yeh, those words are meant to stand out. i guess it was the line as a whole. "There’s nothing wrong you fucking cunt" there's nothing wrong- but then the second half of the line gives the first its lie. i'll have to see if i can think of something else to say the same thing, i think you two are right though. thanks for the comment. interesting about the mixed feelings.
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hey. no, never a problem with people giving their honest opinions on a poem. i know what you mean, i'm normally not much of a one for swearing, and 'cunt' is a particularly nasty word. it was used for effect however. i'll think about it. see if i can think of a better way to say what i'm sayin' :0 thanks for the comment anyways
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I have been pondering this since I read it. I agree with Dee on that line. I think that was why I got the mixed feelings from the piece. I would think that to use a phrase like that you'd have to be very upset, but the rest of the poem doesn't seem as pained as that one line. Since you used it at the beginning of the piece, it ends on a different level. Anyway, hope I'm making some sense...
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I like this, Bob... It's a good angsty poem, a certain elequence in it's painful sadness. But the use of 'fucking cunt' in the second line, for me, takes away from the poem, doesn't do it justice. You could leave off those two words and it would be a so much better.
"Just rip my tiny heartache up
There’s nothing wrong
Don’t believe the words, the lies"
The poem is superb, you've made the reader feel the pain, the angst. I hope you don't mind my input about those two words
Dee
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I can sense the pain behind this piece, but there is also a disconnectedness. I think that this is either an old wound or one that wasn't as deep as you would like people to think it was. Or maybe you've just gotten good at hiding that pain?
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