Plunging
Screaming
Praying
Escaping
Up
Down
Darkness
Confusion
Searching
Reaching
Pleading
Salty
Burns
Hazy
Blurred
Blackened
Vision
Panicked
Brushing
Slithering
Rushing
Resolved
Releasing
Swallowing
Weakening
Floating
Moving
Surfacing
Gasping
Choking
Spitting
Breathing
Seeing
Boating
Smacking
Crushing
Bleeding
Ending
Author notes
Dark and contest inspired...
An unusual structure yes, but a story still contained within. Falling off boat, fighting, drowning, surfacing only to be struck and killed by the boat they fell off of. It's that simple *grin*
A contest entry
- Something out of the ordinary... by lucy sky-diamond.
600 points, ended March 11, 2007, 27 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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very interesting, original idea, i really enjoyed this poem. you have a great talent for creating stories with a twist through your words. thank you very much for your entry, and good luck
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fast-paced movement there - did you manage to find your armbands after you got out of the river? spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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crafty
love it---- alot
u gots a craft
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It was a dip in the dark side... almost creepy! Thanks Ron! I am learning that some of the dark writing I have read actually has a profound message in it... I have been learning and certainly surprised by my reads! Thanks again
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Now this was a very intresting peice I haven't seen anything like this style. Good Job & Good luck
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LMAO actually dont know why im laughing at this kinda weird and morbid lol.there i go again Anyhow i liekd the style of this write. story is tehre between the lines. Interesting. Best of luck to you.
VSutton -
very interesting seems like one of my days here lately
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wow I've never read/seen a poem like this before but I liked it alot. I didn't know quite what it meant at first till I got to the end, then I figured it had to do with dying or of some relation. Nice work on this, I enjoyed it.
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Very unique write. I enjoyed reading it..Not sure what it is meant to mean, but enjoyed it anyway. Thanks for sharing
Soulful Woman -
wow...... so much action in so little words. I have never read a poem like this, and I really enjoyed it. I found it pretty exciting..... great job!
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I got - drowning in the sea - from this. Whether it is that or not it is truly fantastic!! well done! and good luck too! Blissful princess
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Thank you for your comments... I am always intrigued by your critiques... This was a warped play on drowning... surviving... and then when you gasp that air you so desperately fought for... a damn boat runs your butt over! I was taking a dip in the wierd/dark pool
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thumbs up
hmmmm. It was wriiten very nicely, but I wish it was expanded and maybe explained a little more. you know, I like the emotion, but a little more story might be nice -
fun stuff
now theres something fun but you confused me with the boating or to be more exact threw off my train of thought of a sexual experience that reading this brought to mind. -
I like the underlying rhythm. The transitions are nice, too, you know, between the words.
Great job!
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