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Autmn Love


Leaves have long settled on this sullen ground
Alone the wind whistles, there's no other sound
crash
   bang
       boom
           clap
               roar

                   bellow
Out of nowhere, raging skies release their fury
Jump and run, the animals run, bolt, scurry
Our walk interrupted, but not rudely in the slight
I grasp your hand quickly, look to a beginning night
Smiles turn to gay hysteria and we transverse down this path
It's covered in leaves and the clouds' mighty wrath
We trip both at once and fall to the moist land
We laugh and we jest as we struggling, stand
Whirl around, beads of blades hit your face
Spinning 'round with you is bliss kissed with grace
I put my arm around you and let my hand roam
Left is dreamy magic, we walk to a warm home


Author notes

This poem is a bit of a mix between option 5.1 and option 13.4. I really enjoyed writing this, as it is a personal fantasy of mine, that I can't help but melt when thinking about. I hope you all enjoy this as I hope to one day.
Written August 30th, 2006

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Kristen Corpse
    February 5, 2007
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    Aww. I really like the flow of this piece, dear. The flow was really nice. I enjoyed the rhyming and the beat behind this. Such a refreshing, lively poem. Keep up the good job, babe.

    Love always,
    Kristen


  • catz Moderators member
    October 1, 2006
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    What a nice, refreshing poem.. and about my favorite time of year, too. (The title is what caught my eye, glad it did )

    Your use of visuals here is great, and I hope you get your deam someday soon. And even if it doesn't turn out exactly as you dream it, it'll be wonderful

    A well written imaginative poem, one which I enjoyed very much

    Dee


  • RestfulBuddy
    September 3, 2006
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    Thanks for the tips. The / and - were just supposed to be for a visual kinda thing, I didn't want the bold or the italics.


  • NikkiR
    September 3, 2006
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    I think this is a wonderful poem. You may want to look at lines 3 to 7 as the bold and italic formats have not taken effect.

    The following has a slight error to it: 'We laugh and we jest as we struggling, stand'. I think it should read struggle not struggling.

    The other piece you may want to look at is your grammar. Although you do have good use of commas you also need to think about using a few full stops as you have one long sentence.


  • Idealizing Me Away
    September 2, 2006
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    Ohh Susan! I love this. It's so pretty and I can imagine it. Absolutely lovely, darling.


  • dark desire
    August 31, 2006
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    this is a very comferting poem... the warmth with in it is bliss. I really don't ahve much critisim for it... you did a wonderful job. I really like how you made the storm stand out. The methaphors where excellent! ~pixie~

1 - 6 of 6