The holes, the vacant wounds
The pain that blooms
Nothing is as it seems
Nothing redeems
Hold me in
Let me bleed in sin
Burn my soul with open scars
Destroy me with falling stars
These wounds will never heal
For if they did, they would steal
The memories of my mistakes
And all other things that are the stakes
In this game of life
Played with words and a knife
To what end is this?
Why does this life exist?
Did my sorrow
Burrow
Deep into my heart
Or was it there from the start
Crawling in my skin
Making me breathe thin
Crumble me from inside
For the pain that hasn't lied
Burn
In turn
Everything I am
All but a scam
Empty holes
My former life holds
For nothing is as it seems
And the pain deems
That I bleed as I kneel
For these wounds will never heal
Author notes
Well... I hope this is to your liking...
Inspired by Crawling by Linkin Park . it may be heard here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CyrTRl67u6E&mode=related&search=
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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I like this. I find it's good for the soul to feel the pain somtimes.
I especially like the layout, the shapes the words make.
Well done
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*likes linkin park* This is a good take on the song. It is tomy liking. I like it alto The rhythm was right on the rhyming was well done. And it is so deep makes you think deeply on those questions that arrise from reading it. That was a great poem.
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Very Dynamic and Rhythmic
I don’t know the song referenced, so I read it as a stand-alone. This has a very strong, rap-type story-telling rhythm to it that dominates the poem. It flows very well. I can hear it being performed. The continuation of concept across lines ("...they would steal / The memories..." ) along with the dual-line rhyming keeps the flow going so there is no break in continuity (this is also reinforced by the formatting as a single stanza).
Sorry, the proofreader in me wants to know: Why isn’t your title centered above your poem? Two other minor items jumped out at me:
Line 9 "These will wounds never heal" > consider: "wounds will" (the phrasing as written is inconsistent with the rest of the grammar)
Line 22 "Making me breath thin" > "my breath"? (to be consistent with previous usage)
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Thank you again for your well thoughtout comment. and its perfectly alright to correct my spelling and grammer. i usually don't. >.<
i will change line nine around. i flip words when writting at times and never proofread.
however, line 22: the way its written dictates making me do an action. the way you suggest to change it turns it into a noun statement. i apreciate the suggestion, but it would defer the meaning slightly. though i probabally mispelled the word i was trying to use. XD -
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Oh, please don't tell me I'm going to have to come behind you with a red pencil and a dustpan... *heaves a dramatic sigh* ...oh, well... Yes, on Line 22 that would be "breathe" then, which does make sense now. You are welcome on the commentary. As to your moderately atrocious (to a Virgo) typing skills--or more likely your admitted lack of proofreading--at least it gives me something to offer you suggestions for change/improvements (lol).
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Very deep write filled with many questions and lots of emotion. Your write tels me of someone who feels as if they cannot live up to who they wish to be. This is so dark and not one of my favourite types of poems, but you have done great justice to this fine write. It burns alright, with angst and want, yet is true enough to the writer to be asking for help. Just my opinions. Well done.
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Ow i think i found another fav! *snikers*
It reminds me of one of mine!
But so todally diffrent!
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hmm, LInkin Park... Crawling... GOOD song! wow! and this poem, I can relate to! good work! keep it up!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crimson -
It's a good piece, some parts could be a little better. But it's still really good and deep. Thanx for entering and good luck
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This poem has some interesting ideas in it, but I feel that it has been bogged down by typical teenage angst. As a result, many of the original lines and ideas go unnoticed. I would suggest you take out all the cliched lines and start again with just your original words. In some parts it flows well, but the forced, cliched rhyme just stilts the poem, and confines it enormously. Finally, you have a dark background and a dark font - not a good combination.
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This actually sounds like a real poem that you would read out of a book, good job.
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Wow!! Amazing piece. Unique structure and prolific thoughts. Very deserving of the gold. Congrats!!
~Lori~ -
wow ! this was awesome! I love it!
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the rhymes, they rocked lol, so constant, but not forced
GREAT job
diggin it majorly
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I could tell that you knew the song from a line in your poem "crawling in my skin". It was a sneeky suspicion, but I was right,
A capticating piece, well done, 
Indigo -
Burn my soul with open scars
Destroy me with falling stars
These will wounds never heal
For if they did, they would steal
The memories of my mistakes
And all other things that are the stakes
<those lines are just fantastic! what a beautiful write
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nice work ...loved your rhyming...but i found one point.."Did my sorrow....Burrow" shouldnt it have a question mark?like your asking series of question at the succeeding lines ..thats all i found...
i loved these line..very profound and strong..forcefull
"Let me bleed in sin
Burn my soul with open scars
Destroy me with falling stars
For if they did, they would steal
The memories of my mistakes"
well written and keep writing...best of luck for the contest
abuyi
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wow very emotional well done i felt the pain keep the ink flowing and the vision clear
love the papa -
awesome
this was awesome and its exactly how i feel great job
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AWESOME job. I love this poem. It's so dramatic in a way. I love how you write. Great job. I love how you write. I look forward to reading more of your poems. You are a true poet, as you are one of my favorite poets on AP. Nice flow....luv ya....
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Very interesting. I differnt, but I like it. Good job.
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Wow...this has a lot of emotion in it and it flowed real well. I'm glad you invited me to read it. It's excellent.
Shadey -
This is a very good poem. You did a great job. Keep up the good work and I shall read some of your other poems.
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