There is no day
Only the darkness of the night
I am without you
Author notes
Written August 29th, 2006
In a list
What did you think
Comments
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Well expressed...Like the impact!
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Short, Sweet and well expressed feeling,
LISA
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Great
This is my kind of poem..... Few words with a big message... This is haw I have felt for the last past 30 years of my life. My husband, the love of my life, the father of my children, my close friend died in an auto accident. He was a trucker. I still miss him so. This short and man is it ever so powerful...... I love it...
It paints a vivid picture of how I feel inside.
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WoW! So much in so little... Great Job!
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YOU say so much with so few words. Your poem has a heavy impact. I really liked this poem. Thanks for sharing it with me. Thanks for dropping by my site and commenting. Take care.
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WONDERFUL!
The days do indeed seem like the night when the one we love is not by our side.
A truly lovely write my dear friend.
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Even with a few words, you have managed to create an intense aura of sensitivity that is remarkable. Way to go!
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You show the depth of great losds in very few worda.Filled with emotion.To be without the one you love is truly a dark, darkplace.Thankyou for commenting on my work.I appreciate it, Ros
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A VERY LOVING AND SWEET POEM
When your heart belongs to someone special and they are not by your side the day does indeed seem like the night, so very dark.
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short sweet and to the point, haha like a slap in the face. i know, i know, its a haiku. great job. keep on keepin on.
~~~varkatzas -
Powerful
You need to enter this in a contest my dear.... It has a strong and powerful message and is a contest contender! -
I would leave it the way it is if that is how you like it... It is very strong the way you have written it. And if you feel that it may loose something to change the poem then don't risk that loss.
~Katie -
short, Sweet, and to the point!!!
I LOVE IT! -
How can so few words leave such an impact on me. Very well chosen and put together words. This is very strong and emotional without the fluff of over detail and exageration. (which don't get me wrong is great) But this is amazing. If I lost my guy I am sure that is how I would feel... you are speechess at the begining of a lose or breakup... and you have captured that exquisitly!
Thank you for you comment on my poem.
~katie -
Two thumb up
Very strong write. This is a place that we all have been. Walking in the dark of loneliness. But I keep in the back of my mind that if I look over the horizon, I will be able to see the rise of the sun. I wish I could write short pieces like this, until then I will be happy reading others like this one. Great job. -
I love short forms, this was very deep, you said so much dear friend in few words..I can strongly relate to this piece actually..Wonderful job
AJ
Edited on Sep 11, 9:38 p.m. because 'typos'. -
so poignant so much said in so less and the lesser it is the deeper it is and thus your words bespeak the despair in the beauty of your thoughts Shubs
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i have felt that before. Without a certain person every moment becomes dark. Great way to write it. very beautiful
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oh such truth spoken so clearly, powerful for the size it really says it all...
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Succinct and powerful
It is my belief true communication can only be expressed through art: prose, poetry and music. Your concise prose captures the sensations of happiness and distress love can bring and the resulting feeling of remoteness it can bestow on individuals. Regards. -
there is so much behind this it was a wonderful write keep doing well
love the papa -
Excellent
WoW, so much said in so few words, Rick -
I an feel it.
Wow so few words but so much power. I felt this one deeply. I lost someone once and for the life of me I wondered how I could stand to keep marking time without crying. This reminds me of the heaviness and utterness of the loss. Very deep and full of pain. -
I like the short verse here it really encompasses so much.
well done.
Shadows -
no, I don't think you should change it.. glad you didn't.. I, personally like it how it is.
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This is a wonerful poem; however, I agree with Mary O. She has eliminated words that clutter, making it into any even more wonerful poem: tight and intense. Keep up the good writing.
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beautifully done with so few words. The impact is intense
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Great
So much emotional power in such a few words. I am a huge fan of shorter poetry, I feel that they are generally a lot more potent. Great write. Almost everyone can relate to these words of yours.
Dimitri -
Simply stated...and so real. It is in writes like these that we can truly feel the power a word can have. When less is said.. all that needs to be. It is vivid, clear and to the point. I liked this.. and I can relate well. Thank you for sharing..and for your kind words on my collaboration.
~Kristy -
Loved it as always good write
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This is an intense,emotional write that sears the reality of the character that is bereft in their solitude ,into the the consciousness of the reader.You have captured within a few words just how all encompassing that feels,well done!
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Short and meaningful, well done
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Ok its deep if I never knew what it darkness meant. The poem was true but there were no seems of thought or creativity. no orginal metaphor or similie or personification. There was no poetics. I hope I was honest enough but it was good.
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Emotive piece in so few words. Love it!
Just a suggestion: do you need "of the night" and "I am" You've set a preceedent with day in the first line and I think more powerful without "I am." See what you think.
Anyway, just a thought, take or leave.
there's no day
only darkness-
without you
Edited on Aug 31, 12:28 because ''. -
An extra syllable in the first line would make this into a haiku, a typical haiku has a syllable count of 5-7-5. You've expressed much in such a short space. Well done with this and thank you for sharing. La x
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Powerful even in its small stature. Wonderfully stated and so very easy to relate. Wonderfully don and keep it up.
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this was good and simple and spoke volumes keep doing well
love the papa -
this poem holds strong emotions
its realy good
hard for mr to explain how i felt reading this poem
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when this person is gone, there is never any light in your life, only utter darkness to shroud out all other things around?
is that right?
GREAT job, nice metaphor
diggin it majorly
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oh so sad and filled with love at the same time great job....
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I don't like to write hiku's but I do love reading them. Go you! I love it. Keep it up.
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good
this says so much, with so little.
and yet it says it all. without the
one you love, it is only dark, no light,
no joy. good job with this, I liked it. -
I love this- I feel and felt this--kinda short(just kidding)thanks for sharing this-really
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Deep
Wow that is so heavy fo so few lines. It is deeply sad like not wanting joy if you have to be alone when it comes. Did I read to much in it? I liked it very much.
Much Love -
short but amazinly written i loved it keep it up
love tina -
saddening
being without the one you love can seem to put you in so much darkness. hope your light returns soon, to bring you from this gloom.
Mouser
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Where did this come from? Sound like me...
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sad
Oh Honey, don't be sad, I have enough sadness for both of us, let me take the burden for a while, he will wake up one day, hugs and kisses across the ocean xxxxoooo -
This is a nice poem. It really shows what someone feels when they loss a loved one. Well done.
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Oh dear, so sad.Can you not find him in the darkness.Then you could cuddle him and the night would become so warm and cosy you wouldn't want the daylight to come, Ros
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